Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

• Only days after liquor stocks crashed at the news of Lindsay Lohan’s planned “sobriety,” the hard-partying actress went into a boozed-up tirade at an exclusive dinner for GQ magazine.  “Thank the [EXPLETIVE DELETED] lord,” said an un-named Smirnoff executive, “I thought we were going to have to lay some people off.”

• Following in the footsteps of fellow “comedian” Michael Richards, Andy Dick is the latest “celebrity” to slip and utter a racial slur in front of an audience.  Dick jumped onstage at a Los Angeles Improv and joked about the Richards incident, saying to the crowd “you’re all a bunch of N****.” This incident marks the pinnacle of Dick’s quest to prove to the world that he is the least funny person in America.

• Don Cheadle is set to star in and direct a film centering around the life of famous trumpeter Miles Davis.  To prepare for the role, Cheadle has been shadowing other famous “horn blowers” Wynton Marsalis and Clay Aiken.

• Robert Smith of The Cure has writer’s block, preventing him and the rest of his band from completing their next album. Smith told reporters that he is having a hard time trying to come up with new ways to depress himself.

• It appears that Jennifer Anniston and Vince Vaughn have, apparently, “broken up” for good.  When asked for comment, Anniston’s publicist said, “Yeah, well, Jen wanted to be free to pursue another publicity-fueling, faux-relationship with a hot, Hollywood actor to bolster the expected weak ticket sales for her next movie, Friends-less, which hits theaters next spring.”

That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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