Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

• Famously abrasive Brit-Rocker Noel Gallagher, of Oasis, recently performed some of his band’s greatest hits in a fan’s living room. All in attendance left confused, some even doubting it was the real Noel performing, as he wasn’t piss-drunk, made no sarcastic comments directed at audience members and didn’t start a single fight with his equally sympathetic brother Liam.

• Sir Paul McCartney has admitted that he has been seeing a psychiatrist ever since his split with actress/model/gold digger, Heather Mills.  Sources close to Macca have revealed that the majority of the sessions are dealing with McCartney’s “separation anxiety” over the potential loss of half his fortune and his depression over the “drastic life changes” he’ll be faced with once he is a billionaire, as opposed to a multi-billionaire.

• Ironically, one of the “stars” of Fox’s hit show, Prison Break, may be headed to the “big house”… for real.  Police are investigating Lane Garrison’s involvement in a car-crash over the weekend that left a 17-year-old boy dead and two 15-year-old girls injured.  If convicted of any “wrong-doing” in this case, Garrison will be able to prove, to himself at least, if his portrayal on the show is “authentic” and if the old prison adage, “Sleep on your back, not on yo’ belly or you might wake up with a butt full of jelly,” is actually true.

• Former lead singer of Stone Temple Pilots and current lead singer of Velvet Revolver, Scott Weiland, is set to release his second solo album at the end of next year. The new disc will feature a number of “collaborations,” including a 12 minute, “loosely coherent” song penned by Weiland and his long-time collaborator and frequent companion, heroin.

• In comic book news, film director John Woo is joining forces with comic writer Garth Ennis and several others to create Virgin Comics.  The new imprint will publish comics from Woo and Ennis as well as a new book from former Eurythmics front man Dave Stewart.  When asked about how they settled on the name for the new publishing house, Woo claimed that it is in no way a reference to the fact that comic book readers are, in fact, all virgins.

That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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