HOLLYWOOD – Adam Sandler excelled in badness when he earned 11 Razzie nominations. There’s only 10 categories. Top that Meryl Streep and Edith Head!
Now that the Oscar season is vanquished, it’s time to focus on what movie studios celebrate every weekend in America: Crappy movies. Forget silent movies. How about silent movie theaters as the audiences ponder how they were conned into a 3-D film that punches them in the face with stupidity? The Razzies announced their nominations and it’s truly a list of the worst dumps digitally projected on the silver screen.
Who could have imagined Sandler’s complete domination the field? Me. “They might have to take back awards from last year to truly represent the badness of Sandler playing a brother and sister” was the prediction. The Village People better lock up their Razzies for Can’t Stop the Music since Sandler might grab them. His Jack and Jill is going to be a film that will torture America’s eyeballs for decades to come. Plus there was Razzie disrespect for his equally pathetic Just Go With It. What an amazing one-two punch to bring to the Razzie ceremony on April 1. There’s going to be history made.
What could be a shocker is if men win all four of the acting awards. Sandler’s biggest threat for Worst actress is Martin Lawrence for Big Momma’s House: Like Father, Like Son. Sarah Jessica Parker and Kristen Stewart ought to be just happy to be nominated since they’re not truly in the game. The only woman who can spoil the sausagefest is Sarah Palin for her The Undefeated home movie. Youbetcha. But since she’s not running for president, there’s not much point in voting for her. This is Sandler’s year. How can a Razzie voter not give Sandler both Worst Actor and Worst Actress? Plus he’s up for Worst Couple. He’s a triple threat in two genders. Sandler ought to pace his thank you list since he’ll have plenty of time all night to dish out names of people who said, “This is a great idea!” Worst Supporting Actress also has a tandem of men fighting it out with the ladies. Katie Holmes, Nicole Kidman and whomever the girl was in Transformer: Dark Side of the Moon don’t have the balls to win it all. Newcomer Brandon T. Jackson needed a newbie dislike after Big Momma’s: Like Father Like Son. But can he really upset David Spade’s dress work from Jack & Jill? Spade’s earned his award with a career of crappy cinema based on Sandler’s coattails. He’s this year’s Christopher Plummer. It’s tough enough for a woman to get a good role in Hollywood, but now men stealing all the extra bad gigs.
This is an ugly time for Nick Swardson. This was his year for Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star. But he’s been eclipsed by his buddy Sandler. Nick’s Bucky Larson nailed noms for Worst Picture, Worst Actor, Worst Screen Ensemble, Worst Rip-Off and Worst Screenplay. How did he lose out on Worst Screen Couple? Did Christina Ricci just not slum it hard enough? She couldn’t disappoint enough to let Nick be the student that out sucked the master. Nick secured Worst Supporting Actor for Jack and Jill although he will lose it to Al Pacino playing himself in Jack and Jill. How much of Al’s soul was trampled for him to secure Razzie immortality? Will Al arrive at the ceremony to embrace the treasure?
The Worst director is so diverse since it features Tom Brady for Bucky Larson. Just a shame he wasn’t also nominated for screwing up in his first play in the Super Bowl. A safety? Brady should automatically get two votes for that performance. Bill Condon? How did the guy behind Gods and Monsters reduce himself to Twilight Saga: Breaking Dorks? Garry Marshall has always been a major hack in movies so New Year’s Eve is just the norm for him. Michael Bay would have clinched this in a normal year since it’s part of his pact with Satan, Spielberg and Don Murphy. But Bay didn’t figure on Dennis Dugan making Jack & Jill and Just Go With It in the same year. Why Dugan wasn’t dollied out of the editing room in a body bag from overdosing on shame? He needs a Razzie to top his sundae of schlock.
The only major wrong pick from my Razzie preview was that Your Highness would make it a three film race with Jack and Jill and Bucky Larson. But the badness of that duo smoked Your Highness (made with several of my NCSA classmates). Only James Franco was mocked for his Supporting Acting effort in the film. Danny McBride just couldn’t measure up to the soul sucking cinema of Russell Brand, Nicolas Cage, Taylor Lautner, Sandler and Swardson. Danny isn’t quite up to those stars ability to suck it. Late entry New Year’s Eve stole Your Highness‘s Worst Picture status. The good thing about the Razzies not rushing their nomination time is that voters had a chance to realize if a film was just lame or truly toxic. Danny and his gang will probably just take a bong hit and forget about it. Kinda like how Universal has forgotten about Your Highness.
Fans of the Razzies are hoping that there will be trash talking between Swardson and Sandler about their films. Which guy doesn’t think the other was truly sucking in every scene? Who is the true master of the suck and who is the student of blow? Swardson vs. Sandler ought to be a UFC event. By UFC, I mean UnFunny Cineam. April 1 won’t merely be April Fools Day, it shall be the night that Sandler or Swardson will cement their reputation as the Worst of the Worst. Thankfully Harvey Weinstein won’t be pulling the strings this night.
OSCAR BOYCOTT WORKED
I promised to not watch the Oscars after the Academy begged Russell Brand to join and I did it! How was I able to avoid the lamest Oscars since “The History of Mayo” won best documentary? I caught up on Spartacus: Gods of the Arena. They really need to rename this show to get it even more popular. Who wouldn’t want to watch Spartacus: Xena Gone Wild. Lucy Lawless doesn’t hold anything back when she goes Roman. She’s got some hot action going with Jaime Murray (Dexter season 2). There was no temptation to see The Artist and Hugo grabbing hardware with those two ladies stripped down in an opium love fest. Spring for the Blu-ray when buying Spartacus: Gods of the Arena.
SPOILER ALERT
An annoying source on the set of Eastbound and Down swears the end of the series will feature Kenny Powers being killed at the ballpark. The scene has him just needing to strike out a hitter to clinch the league title and secure a ticket to the big leagues. As he’s finishing his delivery, the team mascot pulls out an Uzi and unloads on Kenny. He gets his strike out as his blood soaks into the pitcher’s mound. Who killed him? Take a couple guesses. They supposedly had five different actors inside the mascot suit for the reveal so none of the production crew can leak the real identity until it’s chosen in the editing room. The third season is the end of the series and the producers don’t want to worry about HBO pressuring them to bring back a fourth season. Of course this might not be the ending since a few weekend ago they reshot a ballpark scene down in Myrtle Beach. Maybe Kenny lives to tell another chapter?
DVD SHELF
Fan Favorites: The Best of are seven compilation DVDs with episodes selected via polls on Facebook for various CBS/Paramount shows. This is a perfect way to introduce a show to a young TV watcher, a quick gift for a pal who doesn’t want to collect season sets or a disc to have in the car for long trips. Fan Favorites: The Best of Happy Days happily sticks to episodes when Richie and the gang were still in high school. The show dropped off in quality when the kids were allegedly in college. The eight episodes go from Richie (Ron Howard) dating a girl with a reputation to the Fonz (Henry Winkler) getting his motorcycle destroyed. You even get to see the mysterious Chuck. Happy Days is the only show of the seven that doesn’t have all entire series available on DVD. Fan Favorites: The Best of The Honeymooners “Classic 39” Episodes gives a sweet taste of Ralph (Jackie Gleason) and Norton (Art Carney). Hard to think that there might be viewers who haven’t watched this classic tale of life in Brooklyn before it was overrun by alleged hipsters. Best is when Ralph becomes the forefather to Billy Mays. Fan Favorites: The Best of Hogan’s Heroes reminds me how great Bob Crane was as a POW. Col. Hogan and his crew operate an Allied base underneath Stalag 13. They’re fighting the Nazis one laugh at a time. The highlight of the show is always Sgt. Schultz (John Banner) faking ignorance. Fan Favorites: The Best of The Odd Couple gives a nice sample of an underrated sitcom. This is the classic case of the neat freak and the mess being roommates. Felix (Tony Randall) does his best to drive Oscar (Jack Klugman) nuts with his OCD ways. Oscar just wants to play Poker, smoke cigars, chase dames and cover games. They have the episode where they get on Password and meet Betty White. She’s everywhere.
Fan Favorites: The Best of Cheers actually has nine episodes about the Boston bar. It’s a bonus drink. Seven of the nine episodes are from era of Diane (Shelley Long) including the pilot. Ted Danson was so young when he started serving beers to Norm (George Wendt) and Cliff (John Ratzenberger). My favorite of the batch is “Thanksgiving Orphans” when the gang comes to Carla’s house to feast on Birdzilla. They should have stopped the show after “An Old Fashioned Wedding.” Woody Harrelson’s wedding was a classic disaster ceremony. Sometimes it’s easy to forget how good Cheers was since the finale was such a bloated affair. Fan Favorites: The Best of Frasier gives a touch of the Cheers spin-off. Dr. Frasier Crane (Kelsey Grammer) skipped across the country to Seattle to become a radio psychologist. He takes care of his dad (John Mahoney) and a cute dog. The episodes give a taste of the romantic tension between his brother (David Hyde Pierce) and dad’s caretaker (Jane Leeves). Fan Favorites: The Best of MacGyver has five episodes from the super spy that can do miracles with three items when he’s trapped. MacGyver was MacAwesome. The four episodes picked by his diehard fans are “Phoenix Under Siege,” “The Widowmaker,” “Legend of the Holy Rose” and “Halloween Knights.” I wonder how many times Patty and Selma voted for their favorite episodes.
The Fan Favorites: The Best of… is a good selection of memorable TV shows. If you want to see if you’re still buzzed by a classic series that your local TV station refuses to run. It’s a great way to share the TV love with those unfortunates who can’t watch a TV show that doesn’t feature a Kardashian.
DOGS AND PENGUINS
For what seems like a decade, fans of Underdog and Tennessee Tuxedo have been teased with way too many single disc compilations. When would someone get serious and release this classic animated show in at least season sets? Well don’t worry about a proper installment issuing. Why? Because all the episodes are now available thanks to Underdog: Complete Collector’s Edition and Tennessee Tuxedo and His Tales: The Complete Collection. Shout! Factory got it right. Well as right as you can get with an incomplete vault.
Underdog: Complete Collector’s Edition has all three seasons spread over 9 DVDs. Over the decades. There are a lot of people who think Underdog was created by Jay Ward since elements from Rocky and Bullwinkle would intermingle with Underdog. This wasn’t true. Total TV was a different crew from Jay Ward. What they did have in common was both shows used Mexico’s Gamma studios for animation so the art has a similar feel. Plus they ended up with the same syndicator who shuffled shorts to make bigger shows. Over the decades Underdog has been battered and bruised by syndicators. The last time the aired on cable, a majority of the musical openings and closings had been clipped. This proved to be a really bad thing since Shout! Factory was unable to locate the original masters. They hunted down video copies to insert into the rebuilt episodes. The quality is a little off, but at least the passion to not forget these moments shines bright. Underdog (voiced by Wally Cox) was a shoe shine boy most of the time. When Polly Purebreed sang out for help, he’d run into a phone booth and become a superhero dog. He could also pop a pill for an energy boost when fighting Riff Raff and Simon Bar Sinister. The first two seasons in these reconstituted episodes include Go Go Gophers and The World of Commander McBragg. The Go Go Gophers are Indians that must battle pesky cavalry coyotes to not be forced on a reservation. McBragg is an English adventurer with insane travel tales. The third season gets swapped for a rotation between Tooter the Turtle, Klondike Kat and The Hunter. I’m just happy Shout has put back the ending rhyme to Tooter when Mr. Lizard the Wizard reminds Tooter to be what he is and not what he’s not.
Tennessee Tuxedo and His Tales: The Complete Collection brings together all 70 episodes of the enterprising penguin (Get Smart‘s Don Adams) and his pal Chumley the Walrus. The two animals lived in a zoo, but dreamed of getting real jobs outside the cages. Trouble is they always get hired for jobs they are completely unable to perform like being weathermen or newspaper publishers. Thus they constantly consult with Phineas J. Whooppee (F Troop‘s Larry Storch). He breaks down the way things work using his 3-D Blackboard which is the analog version of the iPad. This was one of the best educational shows to ever air simply because as a kid, you didn’t feel like they wanted to make you smarter even though you grasped onto subjects like cloud seeding. Shout! didn’t try to make fake episodes with the elements. The 70 Tennessee Tuxedo shorts run separately. There are other segments that ran as part of Total TV packages included on the 6 DVDs. The King and Odie originally ran on King Leonardo and His Short Subjects. They made new ones to be included in TTAHT which is what is featured in this set. They also have episodes of The Hunter, Tooter the Turtle and Klondike Kat. The bonus features include bumpers found on old videotapes and the short riddle gags. The riddles were a cheap segment which involved only a new blackboard shot to explain a kid’s joke to kids.
Underdog: Complete Collector’s Edition and Tennessee Tuxedo and His Tales: The Complete Collection are essential viewing for people who miss the days when these two characters roamed the TV dial after school. Underdog was charming with his rhyming lines and Tennessee was educational without being school related. Having done an unscientific study, today’s little kids like these characters. Both boxsets have documentaries that explain the Total TV story. Larry Storch gets a little camera time to discuss his time with Don Adams. Finally there is no more frustration wondering when will Underdog and Tennessee Tuxedo get a proper release. There’s no need to fear anymore.
DVD SHELF
Here Come The Brides: The Complete Second Season wraps up a show that I never recalled seeing in reruns in my broadcasting area. This a unique Western about a logging company in Seattle. Turns out they have way too many men working and they need them some women. So the company lures a hundred women to the land of Shawn Kemp and Starbucks. David Soul (Starsky & Hutch) and Bobby Sherman (teen idol) are sons of the family running the lumber company. How are the workers going to attract any women with these two young hunks yelling timber. The show is interesting since it’s an extremely female perspective Western. This isn’t merely about rough and tumble men. It’s about women who want love from the Brawny man. “The Legend of Big Foot” brings the hairy beast to town. Or at least people think they’re seeing him. It would still be years until Steve Austin would fight Big Foot. For now he’s got to deal with Bobby and David. There’s also insane girlfriends looking to burn down the lumberyard. It’s a bit of a tizzy. This also marked the end of the show even with the ladies and the Tiger Beat twosome.
My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic: The Friendship Express lets the Brony culture rejoice. My Little Pony has returned since kids like colorful small horses with combable manes. The TV show focuses on how the unicorn Twinkle Sparkle is sent to visit the ponies so she can learn what it really means to be a friend. The first way to make friends is to have a cool name like Twinkle Sparkle so people love putting your digits in their smartphone. The show is directly aimed at little kids who are in the process of understanding how to play with others. But there is an element that’s useful for adults who have allowed themselves to only live in the digital realm. You can make friends with human contact. This is a fine set to put in the car’s DVD player to keep the kids calm. The episodes include “Friendship Is Magic, Part 1 (Mare In The Moon),” “Friendship Is Magic, Part 2 (Elements Of Harmony).” “Over A Barrel,” “Hearth’s Warming Eve” and “The Last Roundup.”
Most Valuable Performers reclaims the dignity of Drama department from the overhyped Glee business. Lehigh Valley, Pennsylvania is the host of The Freddy Awards show. What are the Freddys and why hasn’t Kanye West won one? They’re given out for local high school musical theater productions. It’s a rather big event in the area with television coverage and musical numbers. The documentary follows three aspiring schools as they prepare for their time in the regional spotlight. They’re more excited about getting to show their talents on the small screen than merely grabbing a piece of hardware. The show is a lot more entertaining than the Oscars and without the stigma of Russell Brand being a voting member. The movie does its best to remind us that schools need to keep the arts part of their educational agenda instead of focusing on being football and basketball factories. The DVD release is part of Oprah Winfrey’s OWN Documentary Club which is a lot cooler than her book club.
Mandrill set the action tone when Marko Zaror does a bicycle kick beatdown of two goons at once. He’s a badass bounty hunter who wants revenge on the people that killed his parents. He’s extra cool on the job. But he can’t deal with women. He’s a blithering idiot around the fair sex. Turns out he needs to change that around. He’s on the trail of a mobster casino owner, but the path goes through the creep’s daughter, Celine Reymond. Marko must seduce her in order to get close to her daddy. Can he turn on the romance? If it works, can he remain tough enough in his heart to ice his future father-in-law? Best to watch the original before it gets watered down with Channing Tatum in the lead.
WWJDII The Woodcarver lets John Ratzenberger (Cliff on Cheers) get back in front of the camera instead of being a voice in the latest Pixar hit. An angry teen takes out his anger on a church. He destroys so much of the historic building. Instead of sending him straight to prison, he gets set straight by helping repair the place as Ratzenberger’s assistant. The two learn a lot about each other while restoring the church to it’s pre-vandalism state. This is a religious special that’s perfect for viewing by any Holy Roller relatives who need to watch something while staying at your house. There’s nothing that will offend them in this soul warming production. Ratzenberger gives a fine performance as the shy woodworker who takes the boy under his wing.
I Melt With You has the tale of four best friends who go off for a boy’s weekend to celebrate a birthday. Instead of going to Vegas, they go to a nice beach house. What could go wrong? Plenty since the friends are Thomas Jane, Jeremy Piven, Rob Lowe, and Christian McKay (Borgias). They kiss their wives and kids goodbye and go off for a weekend of pure debauchery. Rob Lowe provides the pills and the party goes into overdrive. But there’s a dark secret between the four. The film gave me a Fandango vibe without Kevin Costner. Director Mark Pellington seems to be going intimate. I remember when he came to Raleigh to shoot the Connell’s “74-75” at the high school next to my house. He’d capture stardom with Pearl Jam’s “Jeremy.” Afterwards the feature films came with Going All the Way, Arlington Road and the The Mothman Prophecies. He took a few years away from the big screen and has returned with smaller stories such as this and Henry Poole is Here (which I swore was directed by Hal Hartley). The film is a fine warning as to why you should never party with Rob Lowe.
Recoil finally give Stone Cold Steve Austin a marquee villain match up. He’s got to battle Danny Trejo (Machete) in a town that’s one big Elimination Chamber. Trejo’s the underworld kingpin who might have had something to do with Austin’s family being slaughtered. Steve’s not there to investigate the crime so much as to dish out a six pack on vengeance on Trejo and his biker crew. It’s pure asskicker of a plot. This isn’t made for people who believe in avoiding violence. This is much more entertaining than The Rock’s remake of Walking Tall. Kinda strange watching Stone Cold fight without those giant knee braces or a beer can in his hand. Those must be trademarked by Vince McMahon. Bonus features include deleted scenes and making of documentary.
Hazel: The Complete Second Season brings the Baxters to color. Turns out NBC wanted Hazel (Shirley Booth) to also be proud as a peacock. Hazel was a maid that truly ran the house. She didn’t even do it on the sly. She was pretty blunt on controlling the Baxter family. Mr. Baxter (Don DeFore) didn’t dare cross the woman. She was so hyper connected in the community that he’d be an outcast. This season gives fans a chance to see James Doohan (Star Trek‘s Scotty). Harold Gould makes his required appearance. Best is seeing a young Jamie Farr without a dress. Shocking. Hazel is such a fun series since she controls the Baxter family to the point where the son thinks she’s the real parent in his life. The season finale has Hazel pondering getting married and leaving the Baxters alone. Can that happen? Will the family survive on their own? Think of Hazel as The Help without racial issues to make you question whether its proper to laugh.
Matlock: The Seventh Season opens up with Andy Griffith’s return to North Carolina. After the first six seasons were shot in Los Angeles, the production was switched Wilmington, NC. He also swapped from NBC to ABC. “The Vacation” is a double size episode that sends him properly to Wilmington on a vacation with his oldest daughter Leanne (Brynn Thayer). She’s there to hang out with friends. Matlock just wants his hotdogs. During his grocery store visit he bumps into recent law school graduate Cliff Lewis (Daniel Roebuck). Is he a creepy stalker guy? Unfortunately we know he can’t be that evil since he’s featured in the opening credits. Matlock has to bail him out of trouble. Cliff gets to become his young attorney partner. “The Legacy” warms up the screen with the late, great, sizzling Anita Morris. There’s adultery in this case. “The Mark” feature America’s favorite church parking lot boozer Randy Travis. “The Obsession” will make you obsessed with getting a glimpse of Vivca A. Fox. There’s four few double length episodes so make sure to pace yourself. It’s just a joy knowing that Andy got to finally bring his show to his native land.
Mission: Impossible: The ’89 TV Season are the last missions that Jim Phelps (Peter Graves) accepted. This is a continuation of the resurrected series that was shot down in Australia with a new team. Greg Morris revives his Barney Collier character in “The Golden Serpent.” He’s got to help out his old partner and his son (played by Greg’s real son Phil Morris) in a battle with a Southeast Asian drug cartel. “The Princess” makes the team protect a Princess targeted because she making her country like America. “Countdown” marks a small country’s capital for a self-inflicted nuclear attack. “Target Earth” attempts to turn a space program into a weapon of destruction. “The Fuehrer’s Children” brings the Nazis back to the IMF’s radar. The show was shot on film, but post produced in standard def video so it’s not as sharp as the original series. It’s still quite fun with the missions getting bigger and bigger over the course of the season. The season only lasted 16 episodes. After this, the concept would be mothballed until it became Tom Cruise’s movie series in which all the IMF’s enemies are rouge IMF agents. I miss Peter Graves accepting his missions no matter how impossible things seemed in the briefings.
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