COURT OF THE CRIMSON KING – How sweet it is that Youtube no longer inflicts a ten minute limit to posted video clips. Video uploaders used to slice away frames to get it under the clock. No longer do big pieces have to be butchered into multiple segments forcing viewers to find the next segment. If only this had happened before I had to slice my visit to Dennis Hof’s Bunny Ranch into ten parts. The bliss of the longer time was recently enjoyed when Luxuriamusic.com’s Chuck Kelly introduced me to a King Crimson concert special made for French TV in 1974.
The band is in its Starless and Bible Black glory with Robert Fripp (guitar), John Wetton (bass and vocals), David Cross (Violin and Melotron) and Bill Bruford (drums). What struck me while watching the show was Bruford’s white overalls with the Boston Bruins logo. Seeing how the Bruins have returned to the Stanley Cup winning glory of the Bobby Orr years, this is a good time to discover where he got the overalls. It was the ’70s and stores were packed with odd items such as umbrella hats, tube tops and leisure suits. Were these overalls bought at the Boston Bruins gift shop inside the Boston Garden? Did he originally get them when he was touring arenas with Yes? Were they a fan’s present?
After a fruitless internet search, I headed over to Bill Bruford’s website which conveniently is www.billbruford.com. Amazingly enough, a photo on the site of Bill and the cover of his autobiography has him wearing the mysterious Boston Bruins overalls. There was not quick answer on the site to their origin. It was time to ask Bill Bruford directly by clicking “Contact.”
The contact section didn’t look too inviting. “Bill has retired from public performance and regrets that he is no longer available for chitchat and advice. He is unlikely to be blogging,” the site warns. “Bill has been interviewed exhaustively on all aspects of his career, particularly those relating to Progressive Rock. His involvement in and thoughts on this are well represented first-hand in the following recommended sources. He would be grateful if these could be referred to before applying for further interviews on the subject.”
This seemed like a dead end. He’s retired and probably has better things to do than recall his wardrobe from nearly 40 years ago. But by this point I had become fully obsessed with his Bruins overalls. What’s the price of sending an email to England? It was worth a risk.
So I wrote a quick note: I poked around your book, but couldn’t find the answer to this nagging question – how did you end up with the white pair of overalls with the Boston Bruins logo? Were they made for you by a fan or bought off the rack? It’s the pair you’re wearing on the cover of the book.
A few days later, an email arrived from the webmaster of Bill Bruford’s website:
Thanks for your query which Bill has read and asked me to respond to. His girlfriend sewed the Bruins logo onto a store-bought pair of overalls, and the logo sort of became adopted by Bill.
FYI there’s a new T-Shirt in the store that features the logo that you might like.
What a relief. The mystery of the Bruins overalls has been solved. This explains why you can’t find Bruins white overalls on eBay. Perhaps someday Boston’s Sports Museum will display Bill’s Bruin overalls next to the good luck windbreaker from last year’s Stanley Cup winning run?
In case your curious, the t-shirt is from Bill’s 1980 tour and uses his variation of the spoked B. Here’s the full link:
http://www.nexternal.com/shared/StoreFront/default.asp?CS=bruford&StoreType=BtoC&Count1=842144191&Count2=759284615
KING AND QUEEN OF TV 2011
Normally the honor of being the King of TV is bestowed upon one person that made the cable crackle. But this year we’re pleased to announce a tie. Barry Weiss of Storage Wars and Danielle Colby Cushman of American Pickers are the King and Queen of TV for 2011.
Barry Weiss is what makes Storage Wars fun to watch. His arrival is always a treat as he drives up in another fantastic car from a collection that must rival Jay Leno. His sense of fashion is not matched by the others in the group who have clung to their identities. He’s more bold than Dave Hester’s black work uniform, Darryl’s cheesy tanktops and Jarrod’s brand of t-shirts. Only Brandi comes close to Barry’s choices. Barry can go from a skeleton motorcycle jacket to a St. Patrick’s Day outfit. Drew Carey ought to dress like Barry. While the other four people whine about how they need to keep their stores and flea market tables stocked, Barry arrives at the abandoned storage unit auctions for a sense of adventure. He keeps the cool stuff. Barry reminds us that it’s good for the elderly to have a hobby outside of cutting their pills in half. He made his money in produce sales in SoCal. Now he’s sharing the lettuce with the rest of America. Barry’s the kind of guy that if you spot him while you’re out, you’re first response is “I’m at the right place.” When I grow up, I want to be Barry Weiss.
Danielle Colby Cushman is the person stuck behind in Iowa when Frank and Mike go around America digging through barns for rusty treasures. She works the phones and moves merchandise at the shop. Danielle is TV’s anti-Pixie girl with her numerous tattoos and rockabilly attitude. Her love of roller derby and burlesque makes her all curves and elbows. If there was a battle to the death at Antique Archeology, my money is on Danielle to make quick work of Frank and Mike. For those pondering what she has on her lower back, you can hunt online and see it’s a tribute to a violin.
In a world where reality TV has the stars share too much personal information, Barry and Danielle maintain a little bit of mystery on the screen. They’re not the Kardashians or Gene Simmons with the camera having to expose every element of their life.
What’s amazing is how Barry and Danielle have all the makings of a celebrity power couple. Danielle’s the perfect riding companion in Barry’s unique car collection. Barry’s the right guy to occupy a table at her modern burlesque show. If they’re smart, they’ll at least hang out long enough to create speculation in all the tabloids. The media will wonder what these two really have in common? The answer is simple: they’re the Party Favors King and Queen of TV for 2011.
THAT GUY
What’s the point of Channing Tatum?
Why is Channing Tatum? Has there ever been a leading man that’s been so forgettable? He’s got the facial expression range of a pencil eraser. He’s so lame that I think he’s a Nick Swardson impersonation. Watching one of his movies makes me understand how Alzheimer’s Disease works. Halfway through I’ll forget he’s in the movie. And when he reappears, I only know it’s him because I recognize that I’ll be forgetting he’s in the film in a few minutes. It would probably help if he wore a nametag that read “Hello, I’m Channing Tatum. Pardon the dust.” His acting name ought to be Velveeta Watercress.
CORMAN CORNER
Roger Corman’s Cult Classics Triple Feature Lethal Ladies 2 brings plenty of female action to the screen. Put plenty of butter on the popcorn for this marathon. The first feature is The Arena which reunites Pam Grier and Margaret Markov after their hit Black Mama, White Mama. Instead of a steamy Filipino prison, the duo are now chained up in ancient Rome. Even though both are repressed, they still despise each other. They are owned by the guy who runs the local gladiator arena. Here’s a great scene of the ladies messing up the kitchen:
Pam and Margaret’s battle inspires the owner to book female fighting at his arena to get the crowd pumped up. Things are kinda fun at first until the crowd craves a human sacrifice at the end of the match.
Pam and Margaret have to team up to escape before they’re forced to kill each other. The Arena is all swords, sandals and seduction. Even though this take place before indoor plumbing, there’s still a showering scene. The bonus features include a commentary from director Steve Carver. A short documentary interviews Carver, Margaret and Roger Corman. Turns out somebody got married after the shoot.
Fly Me returns us to Asia courtesy of Corman’s Filipino counterpart Cirio H. Santiago (Firecracker). Three stewardesses get on their trans-Pacific flight to Hong Kong looking for kicks. Pat Anderson wants to have a frisky time with a frequent flyer except her mother has a ticket to ride. Naomi Stevens (The Apartment) wants to keep her daughter a virgin by being an annoying form of birth control. One gal gets kidnapped in Hong Kong by mobsters. The third stewardess hunts for her missing boyfriend. While the synopsis talks about stewardesses using kung fu to fight off hijackers on their plane, this never happens. Santiago’s plane set is barely large enough for a Piper cub. A kick at the back bathroom would land on the co-pilot’s head. There are plenty of kung fu battles on the ground especially when a stewardess has to fight off the human traffickers. The three stories intersect at an outlaw brothel at a seedy airport. The first reel of the print is rather rough, but this was the only copy Shout! Factory could find of the film. The film appeared to have never been released on VHS so this was the only way to see it. The remaining three reels are cleaner. Consider this the true grindhouse effect. Dick Miller has a cameo as a taxi driver who gets an eyeful of his stewardess passenger. Vic Diaz is a hungry cop who bonds with the annoying mom.
Cover Girl Models is another Santiago film. This time American models come to the Asian location and get tangled in a spy ring. There’s lot of chases through the Filipino locations. Pat Anderson and Vic Diaz of Fly Me return to the trouble. You can never have enough Vic Diaz in your video collection. Mary Woronov’s office at the modeling agency has the poster art for The Arena on the wall. This moment ties together the triple feature.
DVD SHELF
Hawaii Five-O: The Twelfth and Final Season wraps up the Jack Lord era. With James MacArthur (Danno) quitting the show during the hiatus, Steve McGarrett’s elite police force only consisted of Duke (Herman Wedemeyer). He needed to restock the force. “A Lion in the Street” focuses on mobsters making a grab for a Hawaiian hotel workers’ union. The first new hire is Truck (Moe Keale). He’s a schlub version of Kono who often gets turned into a punching bag by the bad guys. Jim Carew (Rich Man, Poor Man‘s William Smith) is an ex-cop out to nail mobster Ross Martin (The Wild Wild West). McGarrett likes Carew’s toughness and makes him part of the team after renaming him Kimo. Guess he needed a Danno-style name to call out. “Who Says Cops Don’t Cry?” almost makes Kevin Wilson (Frankie Stevens) part of Five-O. He gets killed before McGarrett can give him the news. McGarrett gives the slot to Wilson’s wife (Sharon Farrell). “Through the Heaven’s Fall” lets a sports club hunt down crooks that beat the system. Robert Reed (The Brady Bunch) is part of the justice group. All you need to know about “School for Assassins” is Lloyd Bochner guest stars. Is that a young Jeff Daniels in “The Flight of the Jewels?” Why it is. The big finale is “Woe to Wo Fat.” This is the final face off between McGarrett and his arch enemy. Wo Fat (Khigh Dhiegh) is kidnapping scientists for his latest plot. McGarrett puts on a disguise so he can get into Wo’s lair. None of the rest of the Five-O force appears so it’s just these two giants facing off in the jungle. People often debate about how weird Hawaii Five-O had become by the end of it’s run. But if you’ve been collecting the series, the final season isn’t that outlandish. The only real disappointment is the final lines spoken by Jack Lord weren’t “Book ’em, Danno!” Aloha, McGarrett!
Mannix: The Sixth Season brings more tales from the greatest Scotch and Steak private eye of the 20th Century. Joe Mannix (Mike Connors) takes on all cases and sometimes finds himself the target this season. His only real back up is Peggy Fair (Gail Fisher). “The Open Web” has nothing to do with the SOPA. It’s got everything to do with Rip Torn (The Larry Sanders Show) being tracked down by Mannix. “Cry Silence” gives the double power of Geoffrey Lewis (the man who isn’t Robert Pine) and Anthony Zerbe (Licence to Kill). “The Crimson Halo” marks the return of Joseph Campenella except he’s not Lew Wickersham from season one. Robert Reed takes a break from being Mr. Brady to play Lt. Adam Tobias on a couple episodes including “Portrait of a Hero” and “Inside Man.” “To Kill a Memory” won’t let you forget Martin Sheen and John Vernon (National Lampoon’s Animal House). “One Step to Midnight” lets Harold Gould (The Dean of Thespians) express an evil side. Adam West (Batman) gets to cross paths with Mannix on “A Puzzle for One.” “A Matter of Principle” gives us Fish (Abe Vigoda) and The Bride of Frankenstein (Elsa Lanchester). “The Faces of Murder” gives the sweetness of Tina Louise (Ginger on Gilligan’s Island). “Search for a Whisper” silences with William Shatner (Star Trek) and Yvonne Craig (Batgirl on Batman). How did they not cast Burt Ward? The season wraps up with “The Danford File.” That file includes Jessica Walter (Arrested Development & Archer). Another fine season of Mannix fighting off trouble while keeping a fist ready for his drink. Only two more to go before all Mannix is above the bar.
Dennis the Menace: The Final Season brings to an end the live action adventures of the world’s smallest tornado. What finally brought an end to his reign of neighborhood terror? Did Mr. Wilson finally go nuts and take care of business? Nope. It was worse. Actor Jay North hit puberty. The show was based on a cartoon about an out of control kid. Audiences weren’t ready to see a teenage version of the kid. The producers cranked out 38 more episodes for the fourth season before Dennis had to shave. Gale Gordon had become Mr. Wilson without any talk about his missing brother anymore. He’s a writer that turns into Dennis’ biographer. “The Chinese Girl” brings Chinese guests to Mr. Wilson’s house. Dennis takes a shine to the daughter while Margaret (Jeannie Russell) wants to give her a shiner. “The New Principal” brings Charles Lane to the academic search. “Wilson’s Second Childhood” lets him act like the rest of the kids for an article. One of his new playmates is Kurt Russell (Big Trouble in Little China). “My Uncle Ned” is none other than Edward Everett Horton (Rocky Show). “Junior Astronaut” lets Dennis meet John “Shorty” Powers, a real astronaut. Mr. Wilson can’t get the kid launched into orbit like a chimp. “Baby Booties” turns the simple act of knitting into the talk of the town. Mrs. Wilson makes booties to put over Mr. Wilson’s golf clubs. Dennis spreads the word that she’s really knocked up. Mr. Wilson does need kids in “My Four Boys.” He can’t win a prize from Harvey Korman if he can’t claim Dennis and three other punks as his sons. A series can’t end until Harold Gould does a guest shot. In this case, he arrives for “The Three F’s.” Shout! Factory is offering a complete set of all four seasons for those of you who won’t buy a TV show until it’s all released on DVD.
Action Double Feature: The Last Hard Men / Sky Riders is a double dose of James Coburn on horseback and in the air. Coburn’s one of the great tough guys of cinema. He’s given the proper twin bill that might have played a nearby drive-in back in 1976. The Last Hard Men is a rough and tumble western. Coburn’s breaks out of prison with revenge on his mind. He wants to destroy Charlton Heston for sending him away. Coburn makes him suffer first by kidnapping Charlton’s daughter (Barbara Hershey). Eventually it comes down to Coburn versus Charlton to the extreme in the wilderness. Larry Wilcox (CHiPs) and Michael Parks (Kill Bill) have supporting roles. Director Andrew McLaglen had previous made Monkeys, Go Home! and MST3K classic Mitchell with Joe Don Baker.
Sky Riders takes us back to the days when hang gliding was all the Hollywood rage. Robert Culp’s wife (Superman II‘s Susannah York) and children get kidnapped. The star of I Spy fails to rescue them with police help. It’s up to James Coburn to handle the situation since he’s York’s ex-husband. He figures out the best way to attack the terrorists’ mountain top hideout is with a crack hang gliding team. John Beck (Rollerball) is part of the soaring fun.
I can’t get enough of the hang gliding fun. Here’s another clip:
Coburn’s rules the screen in this double feature. Sky Riders is so freakish with the hang gliding that it’s a perfect film to invite pals over for popcorn and Pabst.
Monsignor is an inadvertent comedy. Christopher Reeve plays a priest who moves up the Holy ladder at Vatican City starting in World War II. He’s a fighting priest who took on the Nazis before getting the what should be cushy job of treasurer of the Roman Catholic Church. However the war has messed up the money. Reeve must make dirty deals with Italian mafia members to keep things afloat. He also has plenty of lust in his heart and hooks up with a nun (Genevieve Bujold of Dead Ringers). Everything is over the top without the actors sensing they’re camp religious icons. Instead of playing a priest again, Jason Miller (The Exorcist & Nickel Ride) gets to mob it up. Adolfo Celi (the villain from Thunderball) gets to wear a Cardinal’s red. Joe Pantoliano (The Matrix) is an old army buddy. The film is so brilliantly dramatic that it has more laughs than an Adam Sandler comedy. Nobody seems to know this isn’t a great film. Director Frank Perry was hot off Mommie Dearest so he still had the mojo flowing through is fingertips. Hard to figure out how the guy who helmed Diary of a Mad Housewife could end up calling the shots on Monsignor. I hope he had some serious demons. Survivors of Catholic high schools will enjoy thinking Christopher Reeve could wear the collar.
Kojak: The Complete Movie Collection features the original pilot movie (which isn’t on the Season One boxset) and seven revival specials. “The Marcus-Nelson Murders” (1973) introduced America to the Lt. Theo Kojak (Telly Savalas), a Greek police detective on the trail of a killer. While they already have a confessed suspect, Kojak doesn’t buy it. While the pilot doesn’t contain his supporting actors from the series, it is packed with stars including Marjoe Gortner (Food of the Gods), Jose Ferrer, Ned Beatty, Allen Garfield and Chita Rivera. After it’s five season run in the ’70s, Kojak returned as two TV movies in the mid-80s. “The Belarus File” (1985) spices things up as Kojak is teamed with Suzanne Pleshette (The Bob Newhart Show) to track down Nazis. The reunion movie is a little bit bittersweet since it would be George Savalas’ final outing as Stavros. He’d die soon after. “The Prince of Justice” (1987) makes him suspect Kate Nelligan has killed her two sons. Kojak would get promoted to Inspector when ABC revived the series as part of the Mystery Movie Series along with Columbo in 1989. Kojak would get a new crew including Andre Braugher as Detective Winston Blake. “It’s Always Something” has the return of Crocker (Kevin Dobson) although now he’s an Assistant D.A. “None So Blind” has Kojak tangle with Rip Torn (The Larry Sanders Show) and Jerry Orbach (Dirty Dancing). “Fatal Flaw” scores with the fatally seductive Angie Dickinson. While it seems odd that The Complete Movie Collection comes out before Season Three arrives in March, the inclusion of the original pilot helps make sense of the police detective who pondered, “Who love ya, baby.”
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