DES MOINES – During the 20th Century when a young boy or girl wanted to know how to be an adult, they’d learn from the movies. This education was not from merely emulating the stars in Hollywood films. There were thousands of movies made for the classrooms that covered nearly every subject a young mind needed to absorb. And thousands of those 16mm films found their way into Skip Elsheimer’s A/V Geeks educational film center.
Skip tours the country giving presentations of the films in various theaters, museums, art galleries and occasionally a classroom. He’s sharing another batch of gems in two new DVD sets from Kino. How to Be a Woman and How to Be a Man are instructional, inspirational and horrific. Strange to see what professionals thought was great advice. Here’s a little sampler from How to Be a Woman:
Here’s an overview of How to be a Man:
The footage of Skip at the AV Geeks archive was shot by me. It must also be revealed that Skip once lived in my closet. It was a really big closet. This was supposed to be an interview with Skip, but he had to go under the knife for surgery. We wish him a speedy recovery. Ironically he’s scheduled to screen various medical films at the Moore College of Art & Design in Philadelphia on January 23. Are you ready to see “Cell Wars” in the land of Parking Wars?
The two sets received a major plug on CBS’s Sunday Morning that led to sell outs at Amazon. Both DVDs are back in stock. If you want to find out what various health films Skip has in the collection or tour dates, visit www.avgeeks.com.
UNDERCOVER BLAHS
Is CBS serious about airing Undercover Boss after the Super Bowl? The show looks about as interesting as watching a marathon of corporate inspirational videos. As if any of these bosses are going to show themselves as dispassionate boobs who spend more time on the phone with their brokers finding out when they can dump their stock options.
I Get That a Lot is a Candid Camera segment that’s flatlined. As if anyone isn’t going to guess Gene Simmons or Paris Hilton is really working a minimum wage jog. What would be more interesting is getting Hollywood’s hard working supporting actors who appear in every film, but you don’t know their names. Where’s Jane Lynch, Stephen Tobolowsky or Glenn Plummer? Actors who people will wonder if they saw them in films or their college yearbook. That is comedy.
The show I’m looking forward to is Fox’s Baptism of the Stars Thrill to the sight of Hollywood Heathens getting wet for Jesus. It’s going to be their big Easter special.
EXTREME LEFTOVERS
Can you imagine how bad it would be in the ’70s if you were at a party with James Caan, Warren Beatty and Wilt Chamberlain? What are the odds of you getting close to a woman’s phone number let alone her hotel room keys? If you saw their cars parked outside a nightclub, go home. You’d have better odds scoring at a convent. This trio slept with enough women to fill a World Cup stadium.
Rumors now swirl that Rip Torn once had a threesome with Mrs. Butterworth and Aunt Jemima.
DA PLANE
For all the Retro TV action that’s taking place as either digital sub channels or on regular broadcast in certain places like Chicago, there’s a piece of programming missing. Does any channel in America have a Saturday night line up that includes The Love Boat and Fantasy Island? If you want to create a nostalgia night, why not give us Captain Stubbing and Mr. Rourke with a cast of 100s of stars as their guests? These were the ABC crown jewels with Ernie Anderson’s iconic voice warning us that if you didn’t have a social life, you could take a staycation with a cheap cruise and a tourist trap.
For those of you who want to semi-recreate the night, you can get the first season of Fantasy Island and the first two seasons of The Love Boat on DVD. But it’d be sweeter if a plucky programming could reunite these cheesterpieces of the ’70s and ’80s on the night they mattered.
REVISIT THIS BAND
As part of desire to plan ahead, my new year’s resolution for 2011 is to make the J. Geils Band cool once more. And I’m not talking about the “Freeze Frame” and “Centerfold” era band that dominated MTV for a couple weeks. I’m talking about the band that wailed on “Whammer Jammer.” Peter Wolf is the type of vocal dynamo you don’t get anymore. He’s not merely singing. He’s calling in urgent air strikes on his baby’s heart. This is the type of music that shouldn’t be listened to in a smoke-free bar. Dig up the live stuff to get that shot of distilled mayhem.
MORE FOOD
Why do all these competition cooking shows send their chefs to Whole Foods with a $100 to buy all their groceries? Imagine how much more food they could buy a normal supermarket or even a farmer’s market with the same amount of cash. You can’t get a decent chicken thigh for less than $10 there.
BLACK BELT FESTIVAL
Jim Kelly is finally getting his due with Urban Action Collection. Three of his better films are on this low budget set with Black Belt Jones, Three the Hard Way and Hot Potato. You should know Kelly from his ass kicking turn in Enter the Dragon where he held his own with Bruce Lee and John Saxon. This trio contains more of his inner city karate skills. Three the Hard Way is a classic with Kelly teaming up with Jim Brown and Fred Williamson. The fourth film is Black Samson. I recently caught the trailer and it’s just strange. Rockne Tarkington roams the ghetto with a giant club and a full grown lion. Here’s a strange piece of trivia: Rockne was the only black actor to speak on The Andy Griffith Show. If you have a little left on your gift cards, enjoy those Badass Cinema classics of the ’70s if you have a little left on your gift cards. You might want to also pick up a bottle of Colt 45 Malt Liquor to properly appreciate the thespian greatness of Kelly and Tarkington.
It’s a perfect appetizer while waiting for Black Dynamite.
WORLD’S WORST DAD
DVD SHELF
Mel Brooks’ Spaceballs: The Totally Warped Animated Adventures attempts to revive the 22 year old Star Wars spoof as an Adult Swim-esque cartoon. They were smart enough to get Mel Brooks, Joan Rivers and Daphne Zuniga to voice their characters. Unfortunately RIck Moranis isn’t Darth Helmet. Instead were given Dee Bradley Baker with a rather forgettable tone. While they supposedly made 13 episodes, only 4 are included on the DVD. Fans of the movie will get a laugh or two from the continuing spoofs of science fiction films. However the series doesn’t go beyond the humor of the movie. Mel Brooks supposedly over saw the cartoons, but it seems he’s more concerned about Broadway adaptations of his old movies. There’s just little things missing from Spaceballs that makes it a pale impersonation of the original film instead of taking the characters to an animated galaxy.
The Marine 2 stars Ted DiBiase Jr. instead of John Cena as the elite marine who bumps into trouble on his vacation. This time the WWE wrestler gets taken to a Thailand resort with his woman for the grand opening. Turns out a few of the locals aren’t liking the place. They attack the resort and take the VIP guests hostage. It’s up to DiBiase to take kick a little ass to get back his woman and lay down the international law. The biggest star in the film is Michael Rooker (Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer). He’s not even the villain which is good for DiBiase. Rooker is out of his league when given an evil role. DiBiase does play it a little more convincing than Cena in this sequel. It does help that the action is focused around the resort. The takeover scene is plays well with numerous explosions and an attack force wearing tribal masks while unloading automatic weapons. The bonus features include extended and deleted scenes with Muay Thai Fighting. Crack open a beer and enjoy the beatdowns courtesy of the son of the Million Dollar Man. You can also get it in Blu-ray to see a more vivid tropical terror.
Make It Or Break It: Volume One, Extended Edition takes us inside the highly competitive world of female gymnastics. The pressure is on for these girls who have only a few years to achieve Olympic glory. The 10 episodes on the boxset introduce us to the hopefuls at the Rocky Mountain Gym. They call it “The Rock.” There’s a lot of politics to go along with the floor routines. A new Russian coach arrives with visions of making it big for his little trainees. This show is properly aimed at kids who like to watch gymnastics, but fear being flung through the air and tearing apart their knees. It allows people to realize there’s tons of hardwork and backstabbing before you can get on the balance beam.
10 Things I Hate About You: Volume One adapts the teenage cinematic adaptation of Shakespeare’s Taming of the Shrew into a weekly series. Larry Miller returns in the role of Dr. Walter Stratford, but nobody else from the film steps down to the small screen. There’s a new Kat (Lindsey Shaw) and Bianca (Meaghan Jette Martin) giving strife to Patrick (Ethan Peck) and Cameron (Nicholas Braun). The series is aimed for the kids who think high school is the key to romance. Each week Bianca attempts to become part of the popular kids at school. This is followed up with another reason why Kat has to turn everything complicated. The show is a single camera 30 minute sitcom so things don’t get bogged down too long. This is a sitcom for the tween that wants more from the Heath Ledger movie.
The Boys Are Back is Clive Owen (Children of Men) in a bit a weeper. He’s a sportswriter who loses his wife to cancer. He now has to deal with raising their young son and his teenage son from an earlier marriage. He’s got to find time between his work to care for the boys. It’s bit of a male version of a Lifetime film. Scott Hicks who directed Shine gives the tale an arthouse polish that elevates the material above a made for TV movie. If they remade this in America, Clive Owen would be begging for a slot on ESPN’s Around the Horn. It is refreshing to see a dad-centric film. Owen’s face shows the burden of his new life as single dad.
Surrogates is about people who control androids so they no longer have to leave their houses. It’s kinda like Avatar without blue people, Roger Dean album cover landscapes and that pesky anti-American message brought to you by News Corp. Bruce Willis is the last human willing to roam society. He’s an FBI agent investigating the murder of a student linked to the creator of the robo-clones. Action director Jonathan Mostow and his crew keep the action tight and barely over 80 minutes. The film represents the rebirth of Jack Noseworthy. It’s a good entry for your Bruce Willis Buttkicking Marathon 2010. Bonus features include a commentary track from Mostow.
I Heart Jonas brings together seven episodes of the series as a Valentine’s Day gift. Although this year, there will only be hearting done to Joe and Nick Jonas since Kevin is now married. The show does its hardest to make the three brothers act like the Monkees of the 21st century. The slow paced editing cuts down on the chaos and insanity that made the Monkees an iconic musical comedy. Also doesn’t help that the brothers aren’t secretly rebelling against their cute pop star image. They seem content being pure pop for a teen audience. They won’t be sneaking Frank Zappa onto the set. The highlight of this batch is “You’ve Just Been Jo Bro’d” with American Idol winner Jordin Sparks. Remember when she defended their promise rings against the foul mouth Russell Brand.
thirtysomething: The Complete Second Season brings us the rise of Miles! Is he the savior to Michael and Elliot or their doom? This was a strike shortened season so there’s only 17 episodes. My favorite part is all that cutting edge ’80s technology and shoulder pads. Here’s a teaser for the show.
The Keeper takes Steven Seagal out of his reality show and punches him back into the world of cinematic whoopass. He’s an ex-cop that was screwed over by his devious partner. He grabs a gig as a bodyguard to a rich guy’s daughter. However his bad luck streak continues when the gal gets kidnapped by mobsters. Seagal refuses to take a third strike on his record. He must track her down and bring the pain on those that would sully his reputation. It’s a modest production on scale with a Walker, Texas Ranger. Although they overload the explosives in Seagal’s gaze. There’s no bonus features. I wanted my Seagal audio commentary, but I guess he wants to keep the secrets of his industrial strength hairdo. It’s big non-thinking action fun from the TV cop.
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