Welcome to another year of TV or Not TV where I’m amazed at what I will sit around and watch.
This past week I was on vacation, but not the traditional vacation that you might invision. Some people like to go away from their home for several days and wear themselves out running around and doing things under the guise of having fun. Clearly, explained that way, you can see what I mean by that not being a vacation. Who can relax with all those activities and other nonsense? Not me. I did what every sane person would do: I took time off of work and I stayed home.
In the interest of full disclosure I have to tell you that the majority of the time what I really spent my time doing was getting immersed in the world of the Lego Star Wars saga. Yes the prequels sucked but when you play them in Lego fashion they are actually quite entertaining, but I digress.
When I wasn’t busy using the force I was watching movies on Blu-Ray, DVD and my Roku box. I watched all kinds of movies ranging from…. oh wait, this is a TV column and not a movie review column. Nuts. There went what I planned on writing about.
All kidding aside what I love doing when I’m spending vacation at home during a holiday break is to find marathons of TV shows to get my couch potato on with. The only problem with hunting out these marathons is that they have to involve shows I haven’t already watched. What is the sense of sitting around the house and watching things you’ve already watched (like all five season of LOST…. hey, I have an excuse! The show is almost over)? This puts the viewing options back on the lap of DVD or some accidental discovery. Thanks to A&E I had one such accidental discovery.
Last Wednesday I sat around just about the entire day watching DOG the Bounty Hunter. I, in my vaguest of memories, did peripherally watch one episode of this show while surfing my laptop. I didn’t pay it much mind. This time I got sucked in to the show.
Early on in the marathon the show was really entertaining as DOG and his crew played their game of cat and mouse with bail jumpers in both Hawaii and Denver, Colorado. DOG and his family also provided plenty of entertainment on their own both while on the chase and off. For at least two solid hours I was completely hooked.
Somewhere around hour three I started to realize that what was really happening was me being sucked in to edited and fabricated drama. Most of the time you spend watching the show the cat and mouse action doesn’t really exist. What you have is lots of cat action, where the cat is looking for a mouse but might not be in the right place and right time and even though the cat seems to be doing a lot to give the impression that something is happening even when it isn’t. Finally the cat is in the right spot at the right time, there’s a quick pounce, and the cat has the mouse and then attempts to perform an intervention with the mouse to explain to the mouse how it has been living life wrong as a mouse before it eventually lets the mouse go. After I came to this realization (and really crappy analogy) I felt the same way I do after eating an entire tray of brownies: very unfulfilled and I realized I just spent my time doing something that won’t benefit me.
What did I learn from this? Nothing really, it’s TV for gosh sakes. It’s not trying to teach me a thing. It just helps distract me when I eat brownies.
Now that we’ve taken that very odd turn let’s see what the exciting world of television has to offer to us.
MONDAY
ABC – 8:00 PM: It’s a brand new season and train wreck as The Bachelor starts up again with a pilot looking for his one true… uh… whatever she is. They’ve even yucked it up by calling it On the Wings of Love. Maybe I’ll try to stomach watching it this season.
NBC – 8:00 PM: I know, why am I recommending Heroes still? I have on idea really. I’m just curious to see what they do to send of Nathan now that he’s been dead since last season.
ABC – 10:00 PM: I wonder how the great entertainers of the golden age of television would feel to know that one day a reality show named Conveyor Belt of Love would exist.
TUESDAY
NBC – 8:00 PM: It’s a New Year and a new season of The Biggest Loser. This season is all about family couples and just like seasons past they are bringing out some of the biggest contestants we’ve ever seen. I’m in, as always.
ABC – 8:00 PM: If you can stomach the new Scrubs at the top of each hour you can enjoy two episodes of Better Off Ted at the bottom of each hour.
HIST – 10:00 PM: Life After People returns with an examination of what happens to the relics of religion over time if humans suddenly were to disappear. I just hope the Shroud of Turin doesn’t become a pigeon’s nest.
WEDNESDAY
FOX – 8:00 PM: Two more repeats of Glee fill in until American Idol returns.
CBS – 8:00 PM: Celebrities try to fool the public into thinking they are regular schlubs like us performing menial jobs in I Get That a Lot.
FX – 10:00 PM: The final season of Nip/Tuck premieres tonight. Wait, didn’t the last season end like three weeks ago?!?
THURSDAY
SYFY – 5:00 PM: 8 hours of Chuck repeats from season 2 tries to get us in the mood for the Buy More employee’s return on the 10th! Everything else is in repeats anyway so this is good watching people.
VH1 – 10:00 PM: Celebrity Rehab returns with Dr. Drew trying to help Heidi Fleiss, her former beau Tom Sizemore, Dennis Rodman and fresh off her shocking book tour Mackenzie Phillips. I feel like I need a shower after just typing about this one.
FRIDAY
TCM – 6:00 AM: Today Elvis would have been 75, so TCM is rolling out an all day marathon of his movies.
FOX – 9:00 PM: They are setting the stage for the beginning of the end on Dollhouse tonight. ’nuff said?
ABC – 9:00 PM: The vicious panel of would-be investors returns with tonight’s return of Shark Tank.
SATURDAY
ABC – 8:00 PM: If you are beating yourself up over missing the season premiere of The Bachelor than ABC is giving you a second chance tonight.
BBCA – 8:00 PM: If you missed the premiere of Demons after the final David Tennant episode of Dr. Who last night you have a chance to catch it again tonight before the second ep airs at 9.
SUNDAY
FOX – 8:30 PM: Super Size Me documentarian Morgan Spurlock delves deep into Springfield’s most famous family in The Simpsons 20th Anniversary Special: In 3D! On Ice!
TLC – 9:oo PM: Harrison Ford narrates Brace for Impact where we hear Captain Chesley B. “Sully” Sullenberger III and others recount the Hudson River landing of US Airways Flight 1549.
NBC – 9:00 PM: It’s the two hour season premiere of the upgraded Chuck flunking out of spy school. Grab Subway for dinner if you’re glad the show is back.
– Will Wilkins just met Fred.
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