X-Men Origins: Wolverine: The Off-Screen Comedy Hit of the Summer
The day is fast approaching, X-Men fans. The day when you can legally plunk down your money and see X-Men Origins: Wolverine on a big screen and not have to worry if the neighbors down the street could see you watching the bootleg copy you downloaded from Pirate Bay through the window.
Now by all indications, Wolverine is pretty good. The advance screenings have gone well, the advance buzz from the press has been good so it’s a fair bet that, if you liked the X-Men films, you’ll like Wolverine. Yes, I’ve seen it. Both versions, just to give full disclosure – the version screened for press and the version that’s been floating around the net that got Roger Friedman fired over at FOX. I like this film more and more every day and not because of what’s on the screen.
The leaking of the mostly complete work print of the film has been one of the most unintentionally hilarious chain of events in recent entertainment history. As soon as the film hit the peer to peer networks, the studio raised the alarm. Which meant that the story was all over the press, not just Access Hollywood & Entertainment Tonight. That one act probably added more users to Bit Torrent than anything since, oh, maybe the last film that got leaked to the web early.
It isn’t that I don’t want to see the studios make a profit on films that genuinely deserve it and to be honest, Wolverine deserves it. And yes, the studio has to try and aggressively protect their copyrights, especially in situations like this. The person responsible, who probably will be found, is going to be spending a lot of time in the new Jack Valenti Re-Education wing of the State Penitentiary. But recent actions prove that the people calling the shots in Hollywood still just haven’t got a clue where this internet thing is concerned.
FOX’s big plan to make sure they get all those potential popcorn munchers into the seats opening weekend? Circulate two sets of endings on different prints. What the fuck?
Okay, for the 5 of you out there who didn’t download Wolverine or watch a copy at a friend’s house who did, the film features, like all recent Marvel Comics-based movies, a couple of “Easter eggs” (I really hate that term being used for extra scenes in credits but that’s a rant for later *-see below) during the closing titles. One is early and the other is a tag after the final credits have rolled. The prints shown to most (but apparently not all) press screenings contain two scenes that are different from those seen in the leaked copy. Not that those two bits have been scrapped, mind you – they still appear on half the prints. The other half of the prints have the tags from the press screening.
Confused yet? It gets better. There’s no way to tell which print you’re going to see. It’s like buying 100 boxes of that damn cereal to finally get Enterprise com badge from that new movie to with the 99 Klingon badges you’re giving away to people in the street. So this is how FOX is being a stern parent with us bad little kiddies who only live to give them cash – you were bad so now you have to keep paying us to make sure you completist fanboys (and girls) get to see everything.
Can I lead the congregation in a resounding “fuck you“?
Every indication is that Wolverine will follow in the steps of some of the most widely distributed peer to peer theatrical releases which have also made massive amounts of money at the box office. The Lord of the Rings films and the Star Wars prequels are perfect examples of films that don’t seem to have had their box office dented in any significant way by being traded over the internet. FOX apparently has a good film but instead of letting the film perform, they’ve decided to try this bait and switch tactic with viewers.
Listen, FOX, I get that you’re pissed off about the leak. Really, I do. It would piss me off too. But it happened and unlike some other films this has happened to, it has resulted in almost universally positive reactions. Making people just kind trust blind luck and drop more money to make sure they see what amounts to maybe two minutes of different footage at the end of 90 minutes of film? Not making yourselves any friends with your public, gang. There’s a reason theaters started posting which ending of the film Clue they were running – theatergoers were getting pissed off if they saw the same ending twice. The gimmick worked well enough for that film (God knows, that clusterfuck needed a gimmick) but it’s not going to work for you here.
Why, you ask?
Because within 24 hours the additional “Easter eggs” will be posted online for all to see. Frankly, if I’d slapped down somewhere in the neighborhood of $10 bucks to see a film and didn’t get to see all of it, I’d feel justified in downloading it.
You’ve got a little time left, FOX, to do the right thing. Come up with some kind of code or ticket or some goddamn thing for people who buy a ticket to the film so they can see all four of the tags online. It’s not perfect – if you intended to run 4 tags during the credits then you should run all four of them as far as I’m concerned. It’s at least something that doesn’t make it look like you’re trying to steal money from the very people who are actually spending the money to go to the theater. You aren’t penalizing the people who downloaded your film, you’re punishing the very people who stand to help you make some good money. That’s like sending the clerk at the convenience store to prison after he got robbed because you couldn’t catch the thief. Just relax, FOX, Wolverine is still going to make money.
Provided, of course, that Star Trek doesn’t kick your ass next week.
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* Okay, “Easter eggs”.
By definition, “Easter eggs” are something you have to hunt for, not something you sit on your ass and wait to be handed to you. If that were the case, they’d be called welfare checks. The whole point of an “Easter egg” is having to find it either hidden in the menus of a DVD or on a web site somewhere. An extra tag in the credits is not an “Easter egg”. Jackie Chan’s outtakes at the end of his films are not “Easter eggs”.No, if FOX wants to take the four Wolverine tags and hide them on the film’s web site, that would be an “Easter egg”. Sorry, gang, I’ve just been seeing the studio and as a result the press throwing the term around all week and it has just bugged the shit out of me,
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2 Responses to “Backlash: WOLVERINE’s Snikt-er-doodle”
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May 1st, 2009 at 1:00 pm
I’d never even heard anyone call those things “Easter eggs.” I agree, it’s retarded.
Also, you just educated me on the multiple endings of Clue. I’d only ever seen the one with Ms. Peacock, which I believe is the only one Comedy Central ever shows. I’m going to have to go rent that DVD. Or maybe just download it from the Pirate Bay.
July 4th, 2009 at 7:55 am
I honestly dont think Fox deserves any money for the Wolverine movie. Frankly, I dont think that fox truly cares about making entertaining movies anymore. I mean any comic book reader couldve made a better wolverine movie. Sure the movie had wolverines claws, he got the adimantium laced to his bones and the two old canadian folks that took in wolverine whom fed and clothed him were in it but since when did wolverine volunteer for “Strykers” adimantium project, why was fuckin Gambit in the movie. Yeah I admit, the movie was entertaining, but only to the movie goers that are easily amused by flashy lights and explosions. What about the fans that made these characters so popular. I dont think its fair that one of my favorite pastimes is being butchered and exploited by the fat cats in Hollywood that only care about figures. I mean, this is the fucking future! Arent these kinda things supossed to be getting better! But no! Instead we have to pay 10 bucks to see our favorite comic book characters being turned into major pussies with tacked on romance motiffs. I mean look at Iron man, or the Incredible Hulk!I think those movies were fucking awesome. Sure R. Downey Jr.’s performance as Tony Stark couldve used some more class, and Edward Norton couldve been a little geekier to fit Bruce Banners profile, but aside from those two things, those movies were phenominally awesome! Neither were funded by Fox might I add. If Fox cared about the fans as much as they did about their prescious $$$, and actually made a true-to-the-source movie, they would make triple the Box Office gross. Why is that so hard for Hollywood to understand? I for one prolly wont be BUYING anymore of FOX’s shitty movies. If I do, itll be so that I can make a protest web video so that I could film myself burning the DVD. Actually, Im to cheap for that, Ill just photo copy the disc and box to burn and save some money.
P.S. FUCK BARACCA-POOL!!!!!! Hes the fucking Merc with the mouth! How the fuck is Fox just going to muscle in and sow his mouth shut. That was fucking insulting! I love stan lee to death but why is he selling out letting Fox rape his MARVEL EMPIRE. I desperately hate saying anything negative about the man but alot of his die hard fans are a little dissapointed in him slightly. Maybe hes just to old to care anymore. That or someones sucking his dick hard core for all the movie rights.