I am officially convinced that Battlestar Galactica is being written & produced by refugee chimpanzees.
No, seriously. Never in my life have I watched a better example of a television series throwing shit at the wall to see what sticks on a weekly basis than what we’ve gotten from Galactica. We’re talking major, industrial grade amounts of crap here, people. The kind of tonnage that you could only get by reassembling the simian cast of Lancelot Link: Secret Chimp and tossing in Clyde from the Clint Eastwood movies and feeding them a whole lot of laxatives.
I’ve wanted to like Galactica from the start but the series started contradicting itself and the universe it was trying to create in the bloody pilot. Note to producers: if you have a great plot inconsistency in your series, try not to feature said inconsistency in the opening titles. The inconsistency I’m singling out (because there are a helluva lot to pick from) is the inexplicable downgrading of the humanoid Cylons from the pilot to the rest of the series. Every week, we have a shot of Baltar (James Callas) being shielded from a nuclear blast by what we now call Caprica Six (Tricia Helfer). She doesn’t move, doesn’t even flinch but before long, we’re capping the humanoid “skin job” Cylons like they’re shuffling zombies in George Romero film. But that’s not enough – we go on later in the series to show that you can kill a Cylon by ejecting them out an airlock only to then show Boomer (Grace Park) functioning perfectly well in a vacuum aboard a Cylon base ship. But don’t make the mistake that possibly Boomer & Caprica Six are some kind of super-Cylons – Boomer takes a bullet just like anyone else and dies (at least, as much as any of the Cylons actually “died” at that point). The Cylons really need to outsource their work to Skynet – at least it knows how to build humanoids that can take a pounding!
I have had to tolerate fans and even national publications trying to present this series as “the best fraking show on television” for years now and, I hate to tell you, it’s just not that great. Edward James Olmos, an actor that I enjoy and greatly respect, has spoken in glowing terms about the quality of the series and how he never imagined he’s be doing science fiction on cable. To be certain, the actors love the series and why wouldn’t they? The series is a succession of actor-moments, scenes where actors get to scream, cry, rend the fabric of their clothing and generally chew more scenery than Vincent Price ever could. But a collection of acting moments does not a good series make. Granted, you’re working within the confines of science fiction, you’ve got people confined to space ships on the run from evil robots so there’s some limit to the amount of “reality” you can truly expect. Having said that, you expect people who worked within the confines of the Star Trek universe, arguably one of the most defined fictional universes in the history of entertainment, to be able to set up some basic rules and stick to them. Its one thing to find a way around an old, established rule like Trek‘s old “can’t send a transporter beam through shields” and quite another to play fast and loose with the basic building blocks of your own universe. If the producers don’t care enough to color inside the lines, why should the viewers give a damn about anything that happens between the opening titles and the end credits?
I’m not just railing about this because of the problems I’ve seen during the run of the series. The producers themselves talked about not really knowing what the hell they were doing in the commentary for a recent episode. We’re in the home stretch for this series and viewers should rightfully expect that the producers have at least a vague idea what they’re going to do in the final episodes. You’re at a point where you don’t have the luxury of a toss off episode; every episode has got to build towards your climax. So why, pray tell, would the producers suddenly realize that their original choice for the ‘final’ Cylon contradicted previous storylines? First of all, I wonder why they just started worrying about this now when they’ve been content to contradict themselves since the pilot but more importantly, how do they not pay attention to the plots they’ve already produced?
The answer is simple: pure laziness. Their solution: pull an answer out of their asses. At this point, it looks like they’re having to reach so far up their own rectums the producers are in danger of feeling a strange tickle in the backs of their collective throats.
It’s not like Galactica is complete waste. The series is at its best when the shooting starts, as seen by the recent two part mutiny storyline. Yes, we had to have some of the series’ trademarked convoluted storytelling to get us up to that point but there were many, many ways to get there that made more sense and would have felt less like treading water for a few hours. So many episodes of Galactica play out like extended teasers, just begging you to blow another hour of your time in hopes that something, anything, might happen. As evidence, just look at the episode that followed the mutiny – more tossing stuff at the audience that only serves to frame something else down the road. While you need to set up the events that are going to happen later in the series, a good series will do that by weaving those plot developments into an actual story, instead of just stringing them all together for 42 minutes and calling it a day.
The series is also unrelentingly grim. Even big fans of the series have told me that they have to get themselves into the right frame of mind to watch the series every week, many of them recording it to watch later instead of viewing it during its live broadcast. As one fan told me, she had to make sure to watch the series at a time when it wouldn’t make her want to immediately slit her wrists. The darkness of the series combined with the general mood in the world at the moment makes it hard to gain a lot of escapist enjoyment out of Galactica.
For that reason alone, I can’t say I’m surprised that the decision was made to bring Galactica to an end as even the most incontinent of monkeys will run out of feces eventually. I’ll still be watching, hopeful that the series will come to some sort of satisfactory end but tempering that hope with the realization that disappointment has always lurked just around the corner with this series.
I’m looking at the prequel series, Caprica, with a wary eye as well. Let’s see, Galactica without the action. I don’t really see the appeal here but the fans seem stoked about it, so I’ll give it a chance. But it doesn’t get the same amount rope Galactica did from me and, I suspect, from the rest of the audience, either. Say what you will about the Stargate franchise (and God knows it has it’s own set of major problems) but it at least delivers on it’s promises 90% of the time, which is a lot more than can be said for Galactica. One wonders what kind of series we’d have gotten if the producers spent as much time on the series itself as they seem to on the animated vanity card at the end of each episode (often the best part of any Galactica episode).
So, as the series stumbles towards the finish line, I have to wonder what the ultimate fate of “the best fraking show on television” is going to be. Like many serialized series, it’s popular now and everyone is willing to sing the praises of the self-indulgent train wreck that has spewed onto television screens around the world for the past 6 years or so. But when it comes time to look back at the finished product as a whole, how will people react? I suspect time will not be kind to Galactica as the realization sets in that this was not some grand, epic story told over the years but a slipshod collection of half thought out ideas, none of them ever realized as well as they could have been while others should never have made it to the screen. Only the performances of actors like James Callis, Mary McDonnell, James Hogan and Edward James Olmos will endure, as they should, rising above the material that surrounded them.
Comments: 8 Comments
8 Responses to “Backlash: A Fistful of Frak”Leave a Reply |
February 27th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
you sir have no fraking idea what you are talking about in my humble opinion
February 27th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
i agree with this assessment completely. i’ve enjoyed the show, but only by ignoring a lot of ridiculousness and focusing on the actors. but the last few episodes have been disappointing. **SPOILER ALERT** i always hated “Ellen” (as an actress and character) and was glad when they killed her off, but now, they’ve brought her back as the most boring solution to “who’s number 5?” they could have possibly presented. and those hospital scenes with “Sam” spewing all this Cylon history mumbo-jumbo? sounds like grasping at straws. i’m caring less with each episode and am no longer sad to see the show go.
February 27th, 2009 at 7:40 pm
UN-FRAKING BELEIVABLE. Lets break down your criticisms.
Plot inconsistency: i never noticed these glaring errors until you told me about them. caprica six was still killed by the blast and boomer might have been in a pressurised environment. It doesn’t mean that they’re any less frail than humans.
Plot development: the mutiny episode you mention is perfect example of an episode that stands apart from the main plot. The new caprica episodes were also good examples.
Too grim: its not all sunshine and stargates?! NOOOOOOO!
Just because a show isn’t escapist orientated doesn’t mean it can’t be entertaining. the show presents people who are pushed to the edge in a way that real life scenarios can’t, that the greatest part.
New show: the action scenes are added bonus to the drama really. How many episodes do we actually see an action sequence?
an drama in a sci-fi setting can be as good as any drama, if not better.
Why can’t a sci-fi show be a hard hitting gritty drama? The new caprice episode (the best ones) uses the sci-fi element to comment on the occupation of Iraq from an otherwise controversial perspective.
Just watch something else if you don’t like drama.
February 27th, 2009 at 10:07 pm
Wait a second, you’re blasting the series for being inconsistent, and then provide no evidence for it, except for two examples that are complete bullshit? How exactly was the pilot miniseries inconsistent with itself? The scene with Baltar in the opening credits resulted in a violent death for the character who you seem to think was just fine, and Boomer never walked around in a vacuum. She had a pressure suit on while her doubles didn’t. When you fly the planes, you wear a suit. Your argument is based on her not ditching the suit before racing out of the ship to plant a bomb?
And how does Ellen’s reveal as a Cylon contradict any previous storyline? You make the statement without providing any evidence to the contrary. Yes, it’s just a TV show, but come on, provide some sort of backup if you’re going to make a blanket statement.
And no, Moore and Co. didn’t have a plan when the show started. Unlike the faux artiste types who write Lost, they make it up as they go along, and ADMIT it. You honestly think Lost or the X-Files or Buffy had a concrete story line when they started? Of course not. Things change, old info is forgotten, etc. That’s how continuing storylines on TV work. Moore and Eick have been honest, therefore they’re assholes. What a crock.
March 1st, 2009 at 6:42 am
And the Galactica fans of course come out to defend their show, as expected and as they should. When did Stargate become the series that was the default smackdown for everyone that didn’t like YOUR show? I understood why the Farscape fans had a hard on for the series – they saw it as taking money away from their show even if ultimately gave some of those stars work. But Galactica fans? You might as well accuse me of championing shit like Ghost Hunters International for all the sense that argument makes.
For the record, I like drama. I like GOOD drama. As I stated, Galactica is a series whose drama comes from the actor moments, not from good and consistent plotting. I’d be closer to admitting I was wrong if the producers themselves didn’t come right out and essentially cop to it.
I didn’t go on about all the plot problems because I didn’t feel like writing a goddamn thesis on the subject. I gave it the space and consideration it deserved. Again, it’s a long damn way from being the “best fraking show on television”.
Look, kiddies, I’ve worked in television a long time and it’s common practice for US television series to make it up as they go. But if you’re creating an arc-style series you need to have something of a roadmap for where the hell you’re going, otherwise you get the kind of meandering bullshit for meandering bullshit’s sake that we’ve gotten out of 75% of Galactica. The other 25% almost redeems is but not quite. And no, I don’t think the producers of LOST had any idea where they were going with it, which is why THAT series is such a clusterfuck. We’ll be able to teach college courses in a couple of years on the J.J. Abrams’ style of how to fuck up a good series but that’s the subject of a whole other column.
And to clarify, just how do we see that character ‘die’ in the sequence they have shown in the open since the second episode? No, the portrayal of the Cylons in the pilot is very inconsistent with how they were used afterward, from the glowing red spine to that sequence (if she died so horribly, how the fuck did Baltar survive? Oh, wait, because we needed him to fuck up shit for the rest of the series) to their on again / off again super strength and ability to survive in a vacuum but somehow still suffer from explosive decompression. All I’m saying is create a set of rules and stick to them in your own universe, something that Galactica has been very, very bad at but seems to be forgiven because of the “drama”. Get over it, Galactites. Fact is, at the end of the day, it’s still just a TV show and not some transcendent evolution of the medium.
March 1st, 2009 at 6:55 am
Hate to double post but when someone says to check my own facts then fucks their own up, I have to come back on that:
Wayne said:
“and Boomer never walked around in a vacuum. She had a pressure suit on while her doubles didn’t. When you fly the planes, you wear a suit. Your argument is based on her not ditching the suit before racing out of the ship to plant a bomb?”
Yes, Boomer did. She had ditched her helmet. Screw the pressure suit, she wouldn’t have been able to breathe. And if you go back and look, that’s one of the ways they figured out she was a Cylon, because her Raptor co-pilot told people back on Galactica that Boomer had come back without her helmet from an airless environment. It’s a major plot point, Wayne. As they say in football, go check the tape. Just because I find fault with the series doesn’t mean I don’t watch it and / or pay attention. Better attention than some of the series’ big fans, it seems.
Wayne went on to say:
“And how does Ellen’s reveal as a Cylon contradict any previous storyline? You make the statement without providing any evidence to the contrary. Yes, it’s just a TV show, but come on, provide some sort of backup if you’re going to make a blanket statement.”
And here, you need to pay better attention to WHAT YOU READ. I blame the public schools, really. If you take a gander up the page a bit, you’ll see that what I wrote was that Moore & Eick had to pull the Ellen solution out of their ass because the character they had originally intended to make the 5th Cylon would have created a huge plot contradiction. As of now, we don’t know for sure which character that was but the even money bet was Starbuck, considering they’ve been screwing with her since season 1 and have now had to figure out something entirely different for the character to do. That seems to be the consensus among the Galactica fans I’ve polled on the subject but I’d like to think Moore and Eick aren’t that bloody stupid. Not only would have been too damn obvious it just would have been stupid. For God’s sake, were ANY of the command crew on Galactica human? Adama (Sr. or Jr.) would be out because there had been births involved. Baltar – see my comments on Starbuck. Alsoi would have been a bad choice for a ton of reasons.
@Riddle: I agree 1000% about Ellen. Ugh. I had hoped that given this opportunity we would see a different character with the same actress but no such luck. She’s still a spiteful, unlikable bitch. And the stuff this week with Boomer and the Chief? Oy. Where’s Herb Jefferson Jr. when you need him (I know, bitter & signing autographs at a VFW hall somewhere).
March 1st, 2009 at 3:52 pm
I have to confess, I know exactly what you mean, KJB. I align myself with the devout fans, but it has become very frustrating to tune in each week not knowing whether I’m going to be relieved by answers to questions that I’m not sure are going to receive answers or smacked by new questions (the latter, as we know, being Lost’s modus operandi). I still drool over anything BSG, but at this point I have to keep my Star Trek TOS DVDs handy as a security blanket for when BSG lets me down.
Some people are really railing on you here, and I understand their reasons: They’re indignant that anyone could say anything derogatory about the show, and feel the need to retaliate immediately. But, reading what you’ve said, I can’t help but think that you are just stating what the little voices in the back of my head have been whispering for at least the last year.
P.S. Now that you tell it, I realize the inconsistency with Boomer in the vacuum. I do recall that being a major part of the plot at the time. As for the airlock, I’ll offer this: Maybe it’s not the vacuum of space, but rather the freezing cold of it, that kills them.
March 2nd, 2009 at 3:51 am
Blaine:
You could be right about the Boomer / vacuum conundrum but I seem to remember seeing an explosive decompression (or at least the implication of one) when they spaced the Leoben (I don’t remember the spelling and just don’t feel like doing to .02 second Google search that would have taken less time than it did to write this line to go look for it) Cylon that started the whole “let’s screw with Starbuck’s head” plotline. You know, that plot thread they just can’t seem to decide what they’re going to do with.
On that subject, since I really don’t want to devote a whole second column to Galactica (but probably will before it shuffles off to Buffalo), what was up with the Kara nearly having ghost sex with what turned out to be her Daddy (spoiler cretins just stop before you start writing – if you really cared, you’d have watched it by now)? Can I get an “ewwwww” from the crowd? Was that whole thing just so we’d still be saying “what the fuck?” when the Boomer plotline became the trainwreck it promised to be in the opening scene? As my ex-girlfriend would say, oy.
Thanks for all the comments, positive or negative. Keep ’em coming. I get paid by the flame (I wish).