By Christopher Stipp

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I’m awesome. I wrote a book. It’s got little to do with movies. Download and read “Thank You, Goodnight” right HERE for free.

Who couldn’t love the moment when Brad Pitt pointed out to John Malkovich that his bike was not, indeed, a Schwinn?

The things that I liked about BURN AFTER READING weren’t so much in the huge plot points, of which there were many, but in the nuance of the performances from the likes of J.K. Simmons and even David Rasche. True, the film is no FARGO, MILLER’S CROSSING, yadda yadda yadda. However, when you’re as talented as these boys are the Cohens are allowed a film or two that are simply pleasurable to watch and this definitely was.

When it comes to THE MUMMY, there is a reason why some call films critic-proof. If you were to tell Brendan Fraser that this seems like an obvious cash-in I am sure he would tell you blankly, “Sure was.” And he’s right in doing so. This film knows what it is, doesn’t aspire to anything more and is a nice way to cleanse the palette from all the frou-frou Oscar quality films you’ve been cramming in as of late. This movie delivers on what it promised, even though the absence of Rachel Weisz is deeply felt, and is just a fun romp. Those looking for more need not even take a look.

E-mail me at Christopher_Stipp@yahoo.com if you want a crack at this. And, as always, if you’ve already won a contest by all means would you kindly let someone who isn’t trolling sites looking for free stuff have a chance?

About THE MUMMY: TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR…

The blockbuster global Mummy franchise takes a spellbinding turn as the action shifts to Asia for the next chapter in the adventure series, The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor. Brendan Fraser returns as explorer Rick O’Connell to combat the resurrected Han Emperor (Jet Li) in an epic that races from the catacombs of ancient China high into the frigid Himalayas. Rick is joined in this all-new adventure by son Alex (newcomer Luke Ford), wife Evelyn (Maria Bello) and her brother, Jonathan (John Hannah). And this time, the O’Connells must stop a mummy awoken from a 2,000-year-old curse who threatens to plunge the world into his merciless, unending service.

Doomed by a double-crossing sorceress (Michelle Yeoh) to spend eternity in suspended animation, China’s ruthless Dragon Emperor and his 10,000 warriors have laid forgotten for eons, entombed in clay as a vast, silent terra cotta army. But when dashing adventurer Alex O’Connell is tricked into awakening the ruler from eternal slumber, the reckless young archaeologist must seek the help of the only people who know more than he does about taking down the undead: his parents.

As the monarch roars back to life, our heroes find his quest for world domination has only intensified over the millennia. Striding the Far East with unimaginable supernatural powers, the Emperor Mummy will rouse his legion as an unstoppable, otherworldly force…unless the O’Connells can stop him first. Now, in The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, the trademark thrills and visually spectacular action of the Mummy series will be redefined for a new generation.

About BURN AFTER READING…

At the headquarters of the Central Intelligence Agency in Arlington, Va., analyst Osborne Cox (John Malkovich) arrives for a top-secret meeting. Unfortunately for Cox, the secret is soon out: he is being ousted. Cox does not take the news particularly well and returns to his Georgetown home to work on his memoirs and his drinking, not necessarily in that order. His wife Katie (Tilda Swinton) is dismayed, though not particularly surprised; she is already well into an illicit affair with Harry Pfarrer (George Clooney), a married federal marshal, and sets about making plans to leave Cox for Harry.

Elsewhere in the Washington, D.C. suburbs, and seemingly worlds apart, Hardbodies Fitness Centers employee Linda Litzke (Frances McDormand) can barely concentrate on her work. She is consumed with her life plan for extensive cosmetic surgery, and confides her mission to can-do colleague Chad Feldheimer (Brad Pitt). Linda is all but oblivious to the fact that the gym’s manager Ted Treffon (Richard Jenkins) pines for her even as she arranges dates via the Internet with other men. When a computer disc containing material for the CIA analyst’s memoirs accidentally falls into the hands of Linda and Chad, the duo are intent on exploiting their find. As Ted frets, “No good can come of this,” events spiral out of everyone’s and anyone’s control, in a cascading series of darkly hilarious encounters.

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