We here at Quick Stop Entertainment are true lovers of music, in all its forms. We’re also quite keen on the spirit of competition, and of spurring creativity through said competition.
To that end, we launched a brand new form of creative combat here at the Stop.
In this age of manufactured and painfully earnest talent contests, we’ve decided to instead shine a light on the quirky, quixotic underworld of musicians that don’t get nearly the attention they deserve.
Ah, but I did mention that there was a competition involved…
A week back, we sent out the call for challengers. Many of you heard the call and fought for a slot. You’ll find information about them below.
Like a songwriting version of Iron Chef, these challengers will be presented with a very specific songwriting challenge. They’ll be given one week to complete their songs – however they see fit, within the parameters set forth – after which time the entries will be uploaded to Quick Stop.
Some of our challengers had to drop out due to various and sundry technology issues, but you’ll find the submissions of those left standing below. So what exactly was their challenge?
HOLIDAY CHALLENGE
Tis the season and all that, right? Well, your challenge is to create a brand new character for this holiday season, and write a holiday song for him/her/it. Think Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer, Frosty The Snowman, etc. Now you can add your own musical contribution to the festivities.
That’s it. The only other directive is that your song must run no shorter than 1 minute 45 seconds.
MASTERS OF SONG FU
For this edition of Song Fu, we brought in a single (well, 2, technically) Master who our Challengers went up against. Think of them as the iron chefs of Song Fu…
PAUL & STORM
Paul and Storm are a comedy music duo, and they have been performing as a duo since 2004. Before that, they were one half of a cappella band Da Vinci’s Notebook for about 12 years. A Paul and Storm show is part music concert and part standup/improv comedy–just enough of both to fit neatly in neither category. They like to engage the audience, and are known to award snack cakes and/or other prizes for good (and sometimes bad) behavior. Their show would be PERFECT as a cable special, and would make lots of money for whichever brave channel decides to air them first.
Official Website: www.paulandstorm.com
HOLIDAY CHALLENGE SONG: “Dexter, The Credit Debt Badger (Demo)”
- NOTES: This arrangement was supposed to be all tricked out, with strings, lush vocals, glockenspiel, horns and crap. We discovered, as suspected, though, that nothing sounds crappier than fakey synth strings and horns; and without strings and horns, the glockenspiel and lush vocals were out of place. So in the end, we reverted to the original, stripped-down, raggedy demo we had made to start off with. That, and we’re lazy.
And now, the list of challengers and their songs:
THE CHALLENGERS
JEFF MacDOUGALL
Jeff MacDougall 2: Electric Boogaloo – You may know Jeff from his short-lived stint as reigning challenger in MoSF#1 – ultimately losing to master Jonathan Coulton. He’s back and ready to make the holidays his bitch. Because really, nothing says Christmas music like the sweet sounds of Jeff MacDougall.
Official Website: www.jeffmacdougall.com
HOLIDAY CHALLENGE SONG: “Becky, The Office Party Drunk“
JASON MORRIS
I suppose I am what you could call a “Multi-Instrumentalist”. That is a nice way of saying “Jack-of-all-trades, Master-of-none”. I began playing drums as a teenager and spent a great deal of energy during my 20’s trying to “make it” in the music biz. As a drummer, I have had the opportunity to play with some pretty incredible musicians, garnering literally DOZENS of fans over the years. In 2004 I joined the band Celestial Static, and spent several years melting some face with good friends Jeremy and Julie Elzerman. Once that ran its course, I decided to spend more time locked away in my studio, writing my own songs and learning to play guitar, bass and sing. It doesn’t pay the bills, but I have a good time doing it.
Official Website: www.jason-morris.com
HOLIDAY CHALLENGE SONG: “Twangles, The Christmas Squid“
JOE “COVENANT” LAMB
My name is Joe Lamb, I’ve been known online as JoeCovenant, or JoeCov, Or just Cov for the last decade or so. I’m 45 and have been performing for 40 of those years. Up until 2005 I was solely a professional actor/singer, but I am now also a Civil Servant and work for Her Majesty. I’ve been playing guitar since I was 10, but still think Bar Chords are things played in pubs. (I can’t do ’em!) I’m not too bad on the Bhodran and can pick out a tune on a keyboard when pushed… really hard. I’ve always been frustrated that my ideas outdistance my abilities, so my output is always rather simplistic… But I like to think that, occasionally, synergy does it’s job well! My last album, a passel of LARP songs written ‘in character’, was recorded in the same way the songs for this contest will be recorded… Analogue, in my living room, through a quickshot stick-mic (Yes, really!) Hearing some of the songs that have been created through this contest I feel privileged to be involved! I’ll do the best I can!
Official Website: None
HOLIDAY CHALLENGE SONG: “Mr. Jones, The Advertising Man“
“BUCKETHAT” BOBBY MATHESON
“BucketHat” Bobby Matheson is an awkward teenage accordionist and multi-instrumentalist who specializes in superhero-themed and “Comedy” music, and who works for minimum wage in the fast food industry. With his style varying from polka to folk, punk to pop, and then again from rock to bluegrass, we’re left unsure what to expect. One thing for certain is that Bobby doesn’t like talking about himself in the third person, and therefore will stop this silliness right now.
Official Website: www.myspace.com/buckethatbobby
HOLIDAY CHALLENGE SONG: “Donnie, The Disowned Christmas Tree“
CHARLIE WOLF
Charlie Wolf has always been much better at writing songs than at writing third-person biographies about himself. While still a teenager, Charlie Wolf is already an accomplished ‘multi-instrumentalist’, playing guitar, bass, accordion, and keyboards. In the past year or so, Charlie has began playing private parties and coffee-house gigs in the Los Angeles area, which sounds way more interesting than it actually is. His music ranges from hilarious comedy songs to tender ballads, and more often than not, somewhere in between. He would like to thank the academy, but cannot, because he does not know where the academy is or how they would like to be thanked.
Official Website: www.gypsypunk.net/cw/
HOLIDAY CHALLENGE SONG: “Latke Levi“
RUSTY’S ROCKING JAMBOREE
“Rusty’s Rocking Jamboree” is a one-man, music and comedy show for family audiences, starring Russ Rogers. While in college, twenty-some years ago, Russ Rogers was in a band called, “Buc Blaster and His Ukulele Rangers.” There are several noteworthy alumni of “The Ukulele Rangers,” including Song Fu Master Michael J. Nelson. Later, Rogers and Andy LaCasse (also a Ukulele Ranger) partnered to form the almost near famous, children’s music and comedy duo, “Kit and Kaboodle.” After ten years and three albums (still available on iTunes and CDBaby.com), “Kit and Kaboodle” broke up over musical differences. LaCasse was musical … an d Rogers was just different. Now, “Rusty’s Rocking Jamboree” has been entertaining family audiences around Minnesota for the past five years.
Official Website: www.rockingjamboree.com
HOLIDAY CHALLENGE SONG: “Little Electric Jesus“
THE MASKED STRANGER
The Masked Stranger (a.k.a Neal John Mac Rae), is a self proclaimed noise/folk artist from Nova Scotia, Canada. Although his work has gone completely unnoticed on an official level, he has still managed to garner several fans from Australia and amoungst his close friends. The Masked Stranger project started in 2004 when Neal John recorded “The River Song”, a simple panflute tune he furiously augmented and destroyed on his computer. Since then he has created roughly 30 other distinctly more destroyed and demented tracks under the moniker of The Masked Stranger. His music has been described as “a total disregard for musical theory”, “aaaaaaaah!”, “raw and grating”, “annoying”, “Twisting is a word I want to use to describe it… Very natural and earthly”, and “disturbing and yet… strangely enjoyable”. His most well liked and most consistant piece “Rue The Red” was described by Cape Breton goregrind artist Devin Meaney as “a posessed man jigging out on the strings of his creator. Like a puppet, devouring the flesh of god. And this is exactly what it reminds me of, no joke.”. This awkward and soil laiden musician’s journeys into the abrassive and the tribal only threaten to continue.
Official Website: www.myspace.com/themaskedstranger777
HOLIDAY CHALLENGE SONG: ““Gryylgidalgabralte Killed Santa Claus“
HEATHER HENDERSON
Heather Henderson has been entertaining America since she was seven years old. She got her start as a mini dancing superstar and co-host on Dance Party USA. Her career then made the natural progression towards Sesame Street and most recently a principal role in the Disney film Annapolis. Striving constantly to develop as an artist, The Big H sings with the bad-ass 60’s retro soul group SOULAMITE!, performs with the Revival Burlesque troupe in philadelphia, makes short films, writes funny songs, and is always looking for the next good audition. She hopes to have her own totally crappy and misquoted Wikipedia entry one day.
Official Website: www.HHenderson.com
HOLIDAY CHALLENGE SONG: “Puffington Proper Paws, The Cat Who Loved Christmas“
SCOTT WOLFSON
Scott Wolfson has been performing and recording since he was 13 years old. For more than half of his life he’s been a part of the New York City music scene – most notably, as the guitarist and songwriter for the “freak pop” band The Right Bastards, and most recently as the front man for The Buzzkill All-Stars. A graduate of NYU, he majored in musical performance and minored in music theory and composition. His songwriting strives to combine the wit and wisdom of Elvis Costello, Paul Simon, and Tom Waits with the pop sensibilites of Squeeze, XTC, and Crowded House. His unique voice and stylings add another dimension to the already strong songwriting.
Official Website: www.bc2music.com
HOLIDAY CHALLENGE SONG: “Kevin, The Christmas Cat“
BRYCE JENSEN
Bryce Jensen has been writing songs off and on for over twenty years, but he has rarely shared any of them beyond his friends and family. His styles range from a capella to heavy metal with a lot of wimpy finger picking stuff in between. As most of his songs are horrible, Bryce has agreed to enter this contest as a service to the other contestants, making them appear even more talented by comparison.
Official Website: None
HOLIDAY CHALLENGE SONG: “The Mistletoe Ho Ho Ho“
[display_podcast]
THE WINNER
So where’s the voting? Well, there is no voting in this Holiday Special. I figure everyone who participated is a winner, so we’ll be contacting them to send each and every one a little something special. Most of all, though, it’s important that artists like these get some attention and support in the new year from you, the audience, so feel free to discuss the tunes in the comments below, and visit their sites. Support them, won’t you? Oh, and HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
–Ken Plume, The Fu Bringer
Song Fu returns on January 12th, 2009.
Comments: 34 Comments
December 17th, 2008 at 12:16 am
JEFF MACDOUGALL! HILARIOUS! Had me laughing in the first 2 seconds.
December 17th, 2008 at 12:48 am
Jeff MacDougall…the best…simply the best!
December 17th, 2008 at 12:51 am
[…] jason on Dec.17, 2008, under Uncategorized Well, I entered a “Holiday Edition” of the Master’s of SongFu over at Quickstop Entertainment. Myself, along with many other […]
December 17th, 2008 at 1:19 am
Wonderful songs, everyone!
Starting from the top:
Paul&Storm: As always, a wonderful song that everyone can enjoy. I think I’m going to put this on a CD of Christmas Music.
Jeff: Lovable character that everyone is familiar with. Fun and funny song. I will be sending this to a few friends, for sure.
Jason: This is going on my MP3 player as well as the CD that P&S’s is going on. I LOVE this. ‘Nuff said.
Joe: Seriously Christmassey. Even if I weren’t listening to the music, I’d think “Christmas Movie Potential”… But I am listening to the lyrics, because they’re terribly fun.
Charlie: Such a neat idea. I had a big smile during the solo, too. The accordion added so much, too. Wonderfully put together.
Rusty: My mother loved this, and while tapping my toe, I was thinking “How clever” and “I wish I could have thought of that”. one of my favorites this time around, even without a big, fancy production backing it. That’s how you can tell it’s a keeper.
Masked Stranger: …You know I love you, Neal. But you must also know I don’t understand you, and never will.
However, you must come by sometime during the Christmas break. We can be merry and sing our X-mas carols at each other.
Heather Henderson: Definite talent here, and seriously fun and cute. Extra points for originality.
Scott Wolfson: My lord, man. I love your voice, and generally everything about this song. Do you have any website OTHER than the Bc2 website that seems to lead only to an iTunes page? I really want to keep tabs on you.
Bryce: Dirty, dirty man. And you get my appreciation for that.
December 17th, 2008 at 9:44 am
Well done, everyone! I was unable to make my song due to special circumstances, but the results of the assignment is better than anything I could’ve done anyway.
December 17th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
I love cats, and I love Puff!
December 17th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Here’s the lyric, as promised, with a special bonus gift!!
Mr Jones – The Advertising Man
The autumn leaves were falling, And a chill was in the air
The great pumpkin had left the patch, That he’d found most sincere.
Now children all across the world start waiting for the day
A jolly man bedecked in red, Would set out on his sleigh
But long before that happens, there is so much work to do
To keep the season living in the hearts of me and you
(and its) Done by just one special guy of whom it has been said,
If he didn’t do the things he does, then Christmas would be dead.
—————————
(Chorus)
Mr Jones the advertising man
In his Teflon coated trousers
Of a pinstripe suit of grey
Sells us what no other ad man can
Works flat out from mid-october
Doesn’t rest til Christmas day
When we’ve grown tired of Christmas
And forgotten what it means
He’ll remind us on our television screens.
————————-
Now ‘Holiday’s are coming!’ as the folk at ‘Coke’ would tell us.
Their Christmas corporate presence makes poor pepsico get jealous.
Their vision of dear Santa with his beard and snow-white curls,
Is accepted universally, it’s known throughout the world
But who’s ultimate make-over is the image that we’ve seen?
Who dressed the old guy all in red and dumped the verdant green?
Who put old Santa on the map, with maximum allurement?
In this primary commercial period of gift procurement?
—————————
(Chorus)
—————————
So when the true meaning of Christmas doesn’t seem to make much sense
Keep faith in him, remembering, it’s dollars and it’s cents
Get on your knees and thank him, lift your voices proud and stronger
And watch with tears of joy as children’s Christmas lists get longer!
Sit back relax and prove your love for everyone to see
And show the world how much you care by using Q-V-C !
We need our dear old Mr Jones to walk us through the season
If not for him, we’d be buying, these presents for no reason!!!
———————————-
(Chorus x 2 to end)
———————————-
(additional (unrecorded) verse…
Who made us buy our ipods and who plugged Nintendo’s Wii
The great XBOX 360 and the blue-ray’d P-S-3
If the focus groups at Jones’ had not got their thinking caps on
We’d never heard the festive cries of “Mommee, I want THAT one!â€
But if you think the cries of joy and happiness feel phoney
He’ll pull on you a 52 inch plasma screen from Sony
When the day moves on to 26th, you’re all done-in from buyin’
He can’t rest upon his laurels, Easter’s now on his horizons!)
December 17th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
heather henderson mixes great humor with great chords!!!! love it!
December 17th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
First off I want to thank Ken Plume and the folks at Quick Stop Entertainment for hosting this Holiday Edition of Masters of Song Fu. You’ve made my Christmas brighter. I was proud to have my song, “Little Electric Jesus,” featured alongside of the others in this Holiday Showcase (we’ll call it a “Showcase,” because this one isn’t a “Contest.”)
I will try to briefly give my impressions of the other songs in the showcase. Although I don’t think I can be as concise or insightful as Bucket-Hat Bobby.
Paul and Storm: You remain the Masters here. I love the denasal voice of “Dexter, The Credit Debt Badger”! Was that Storm as the Badger? And you beat the 1:45 mark by TWO seconds! Wow!
Jeff MacDougal and Jason Morris: I described you and Jeff Morris as the Journeymen of Song Fu, near Masters except for a few lousy votes. Seriously, there is a reason the two of you were finalists in the first two competitions and why you top the list of challengers here. Ken Plume has stacked the best at the top of the list.
“Becky, The Office Party Drunk Girl” is hilarious. Who is the voice of “Becky”? Whoever played her did a VERY convincing job!
And “Twangles, the Christmas Squid” brought me a surprising amount of Holiday Cheer. I didn’t think a song about a giant squid could make me feel so festive!
Joe “Covenant” Lamb: “Mr. Jones, The Advertising Man”: “When we’ve grown tired of Christmas and forgotten what it means, he’ll remind us on our television screens.” I had to listen twice to pick out the “BUY! Buy! Bye-bye!” in the background vocals. Nice.
Bucket-Hat Bobby: For all it’s irony and pathos and dark lyrics about getting ripped limb from limb, this might be the sweetest song about Holiday Giving in the bunch. This reminded me of Shel Silverstein’s “The Giving Tree.” I wonder if that was intentional. Thank you, Bobby.
Charlie Wolf: I really enjoyed the cautionary tale of Latke Levi. The lines, “There must have been some magic…” had me chuckling.
Masked Stranger: Your dark sound picture was like a Christmas Card from H.P. Lovecraft!
Heather Henderson: I was surprised. For a burlesque dancer with a mohawk, “Puffington Proper Paws” turned out to be the cutest, sweetest, happiest song of the bunch. There was no irony. No dark side. This was delicious Christmas Fluff! That’s a brave thing to do and harder than it appears. A cappella and tight harmonies too, also brave and difficult.
Scott Wolfson, “Kevin the Christmas Cat”: I like the bright beginning to this song with just sprinkles of dark humor. I think if you ended the song around 3:20 or just repeated the chorus then, the song would be brighter, cheerier. Put it this way, I bought into the premise and was sorry to hear that Kevin got hooked on crack and jumped off a bridge in the last verse. I would have just as soon left him delivering toys forever to the children of New York City.
Bryce Jensen, “The Mistletoe Ho Ho Ho”: This is a similar premise to “Becky the Office Party Drunk Girl.” This scores points for being for having punnier and dirtier lyrics and a swinging tempo.
May the joy of Song Fu last throughout the season! Merry Christmas to all and to all, Rock On!
December 17th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
Hey all, Becky here.
I feel so embarrassed that I made such a spectacle of myself at the party (again) this year. I didn’t drink all that much… I think maybe someone put something in my soda.
My apologies to the guys who got fired for the whole copy room incident and my sincerest to Mrs. Stephens, who is absolutely beautiful and doesn’t even remotely resemble a gift bag.
Happy Holidays to all. I’m grateful to have my job. It was touch and go there for a few days.
xoxo
Rebecca
December 17th, 2008 at 7:09 pm
Wow, everyone, I am deeply humbled and proud to have done this with you guys. I had a lot of fun listening to these tunes and making my own. Merry Christmas everyone!
December 17th, 2008 at 7:29 pm
Hello all…
I did ask the Webmaster to take down the lyric to my song above, it was meant for the JoCo forum that I had open at the same time! I’m NOT just pushing my own output, honest !! 🙂
What can I say! I listened to them all, and I’m glad I didn’t HAVE to vote! Paul & Storm… I think you’d have had a real difficult challenge this time!! ;’ )))
Great Stuff all round guys (and Gal!)
Maybe see you round these parts next time !?!
December 17th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
Everyone should post their lyrics…
-Ken
December 17th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
You know what, Joe Lamb has done it again and well… the guys a genious… ALL HAIL JOE… JOE SING MORE
December 17th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
🙂 well now I don;t feel bad at all!! 🙂
December 17th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
My lyrics are on my website if anyone is interested.
http://www.jason-morris.com
Good job to all!
December 17th, 2008 at 10:03 pm
You can watch my song, “Little Electric Jesus,” on YouTube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HT1kuKcL_os
Lyrics:
Little Electric Jesus, Little Electric Jesus
Angelic, ecclesiastic, polymer-plastic face
Electric Jesus, Little Electric Jesus
Shine in the night with your twenty watt light bulb grace
Little Electric Jesus, keep you close to my heart
Put you near the sidewalk out in my front yard
Set you in the snow, so the neighbors can see
Got you on a timer to conserve energy
Yours in a message of comfort and joy
And Santa brings presents for good girls and boys
Little Electric Jesus, I love you the most
More than Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer or the Heavenly Host
Rosie O’Donnell is hosting Christmas in Waikiki
With Bono and Carrot Top on NBC
Yours in a message of peace and good will
Shopping days left and credit card bills
Little Electric Jesus, please hear my prayers
Put in a good word for me with the Big Man Upstairs
You know I love You and I know that You care
Paid nineteen-ninety-five for You at True Value Hardware
Christ the Savior, God’s Only Son
Back in the attic when Christmas is done
Little Electric Jesus, Little Electric Jesus
Little Electric Jesus, Little Electric Jesus
Little Electric Jesus, Little Electric Jesus
Little Electric Jesus, Little Electric…
I thought I heard Him exclaim as I turned out the light
Merry Christmas…
It’s gonna be all right
December 17th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
These are my lyrics… I know I’m not the most understandable vocalist XD.
Blood drips in sevens,
From the big red man,
The Christmas King,
Knife in back and head,
Greed drips in fives,
From the bad green thing,
The Goblin King,
Knife in right and left,
Need drips in ones,
From the sad small eyes,
The Children weep,
Empty hand and hope,
And now we name this monstrosity,
Gryylgidalgabralte!
The Goblin King,
NOW EVERYONE SING!
ALL HAIL THE GOBLIN KING!
ALL HAIL THE GOBLIN KING!
ALL HAIL THE GOBLIN KING!
Blood drips in sevens,
Greed drips in fives,
Need drips in ones,
ALL HAIL THE GOBLIN KING!
ALL HAIL!
THE!
GOBLIN!
KING!!!!!
December 17th, 2008 at 11:31 pm
Well, here we go:
An abandoned mall parking lot homes Donnie the evergreen
The saddest sprout you’ve ever seen.
sitting, waiting, all day long, wishing he was big and strong .
So someone might make him their christmas tree.
Though, at this point, it seems unlikely.
Oh, Donnie the disowned Christmas Tree
Sits and waits for a family
to spruce him up and make him Shine
Before he starts turning brown and dying
Donnie the disowned Christmas tree
wishes he was born with leaves
so he wouldn’t shrivel and die
by christmas eve.
As the other trees are being sold, Donnie sits in the freezing cold
wanting to be part of the big festivities
as christmas day is approaching fast, Donnie knows it will be his last
and he wouldn’t be spending it with a family
he only wants to make the children happy
Oh, Donnie the disowned Christmas Tree
Sits and waits for a family
to spruce him up and make him SHine
Before he starts turning brown and dying
Donnie the disowned Christmas tree
wishes he was born with leaves
so he wouldn’t shrivel and die
by christmas eve.
Bridge: (F&C)
And just as things are looking grim,
someone tears him limb from limb
ties his branches up with wire
throws the rest into a fire
just to get some use of him
Now donnie’s no longer a christmas tree
Keeps the johnsons warm with his body
As it burns in their stove to keep them warm
while his branches hang above their front door
Donnie the happy christmas wreath
is as proud as he can be.
Despite the fact the johnstons burned his corpse,
He’s happier than he’s ever been before.
________________________________
There was supposed to be banjo or ukulele, and far more mandolin in my recording, but my schedule forbid it, sadly.
Hopefully, if I ever re-record the song, I will add that, and fix up that awkward bridge.
Thanks for the kind words, Rusty.
December 18th, 2008 at 12:08 am
love the tune by heather. funny and unexpected. really shows of the pipes, beautiful harmonies. heather also deserves brownie points ironically for the ballsiest song choice (a capella aint easy) in a “contest” full of dudes.
i know its not a contest but she was my favorite. runner up for me is charlie. i’ve never been jewish but all that magic in their food sounds tempting. i enjoyed everyones contributions, keep up the good work.
December 18th, 2008 at 12:30 am
Puffington Proper Paws! WONDERFUL! This song captured Christmas and the true curiosity of a feline puuurfectly! <3!
December 18th, 2008 at 1:18 am
Great work once again!
And also once again it’s hard to pick a winner, but I’m thinking Jeff should soon move up to master status.
December 18th, 2008 at 6:21 am
Joe Lamb
Well done – would have passed ‘The Old Grey Whistle Test’ no probs and sounded Christmassy from the very first note. My favourite!
Paul and Storm – liked the tune, reminded me of old 50’s black and white musical movies I’ve seen on tv BUT didn’t sound seasonal:-(
As for the rest ……… perhaps next year
December 18th, 2008 at 5:37 pm
Thanks to everyone for posting their lyrics. Here are the lyrics to “Kevin”.
KEVIN THE CHRISTMAS CAT
(Berube/Wolfson 2008)
Most kids get their Christmas gifts from a guy named Santa Claus
But we get ours from somebody who has furry paws
Because we’re true New Yorkers, we’re all happy that
We get all our presents from Kevin the Christmas Cat
Oh, Kevin was a kitty from the East Side of Manhattan
On Christmas day a taxi left his cardboard box all flattened
Though Kevin was the lonesome sole survivor of the litter
He made a vow that he would never ever wind up bitter
He moved on out to Brooklyn; it was there he set up shop
In an old abandoned warehouse near the York Street subway stop
He made a speech to no one; it was long but here’s the gist
He said “One day I’m gonna be a great philanthropistâ€
Kevin was a real nice kitty
Known throughout all New York City
All the children loved him in his little Santa hat
Oh, we’ve got lots of Christmas cheer
‘Cause we get presents every year
From New York’s favorite feline: Kevin the Christmas Cat
Now Kevin had no resume, his references were shoddy
But Brooklyn was a great place for a cat to sell his body
Well, Kevin was a little bit ashamed of what he did
But now he had some money to buy presents for the kids
He made the move to advertising, working for GE
Where he became the new spokes-kitty for the folks at NBC
Then he worked up a spreadsheet, because cats are very thorough
And Kevin said, “Now I’ll get gifts for kids in every borough
Kevin was a real nice kitty
Known throughout all New York City
All the children loved him in his little Santa hat
Oh, we’ve got lots of Christmas cheer
‘Cause we get presents every year
From New York’s favorite feline: Kevin the Christmas Cat
Well, Santa said “Aw, screw this, I’m not wasting my time there
‘Cause Kevin stormed the city and he stole my market share
Now New York doesn’t need me so I’ll just be on my wayâ€
And that’s why our friend Kevin is the Christmas cat today
Kevin was a friend to every urban dad and mommy
Even though old Santa took to calling him a commie
He refused to cross the Hudson but New Yorkers didn’t care
When he said “ The Real America†was somewhere else, not there
Kevin was a real nice kitty
Known throughout all New York City
All the children loved him in his little Santa hat
Oh, we’ve got lots of Christmas cheer
‘Cause we get presents every year
From New York’s favorite feline: Kevin the Christmas Cat
The economy went south; it was the worst it’s been in years
So GE fired Kevin, and his eyes welled up in tears
He figured “There’s no way in hell my pimp will take me backâ€
And he spent his Christmas money on another vial of crack
Then Kevin wrote a letter and addressed it “The North Poleâ€
But all that he got back was a small package filled with coal
This awful gesture felt just like a big kick in the head
And the front page of the Daily News said “Claus to City: Drop Deadâ€
(retard)
The children of the city convalesce in Central Park
To tell stories, sing some songs, and light candles in the dark
They’re sad this year ‘cause poor old Kevin went back to the East Side
And he jumped off the Triborough Bridge and that’s how Kevin died
Kevin was a real nice kitty
Known throughout all New York City
All the children loved him in his little Santa hat
Oh, we’ve lost all our Christmas cheer
And we won’t get no gifts this year
‘Cause GE gave a pink slip to Kevin the Christmas Cat
December 18th, 2008 at 6:58 pm
JOE “COVENANT” LAMB well done on a great song, it sure grows on you! 🙂 x C
December 18th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
A bunch of great songs – I mean, there’s something for EVERYONE here. “Kevin” was especially terrific, but JoeCov’s “Mr. Jones” tops my list because it’s both hilarious and lyrically nimble!
December 18th, 2008 at 11:35 pm
I’m Puffington Proper Paws,
The Cat who loves Christmas
There’s parties for hosting,
And turkeys for roasting
And Jolly old saint Nich!
It’s the most wonderful time, don’tcha know.
There are stockings hanging up in a row
There’s one there for Plumey,
And Dana, and Sweetie,
They even have one for meeeeeeeeeee-yow!
Hoping that they’ll soon fall asleep
I’ve been waiting for Christmas Eve – all week
With their hearts all aglow
Not a soul will know
That I’m creeping around the treeeeeee-yow!
I put my paws in the milk
I eat the sugar off the cookies
I lick the red stripes off of the candy cane sticks
And sit on the gingerbread house!
I like chewing on green bows,
But the red ones taste a bit better.
I’ll play some ping-pong with the pretty glass balls
But tinsel is my absolutest favorite!!!
I’m Puffington Proper Paws,
The Cat who loves Christmas
And when the morning comes,
And you all come down to open your presents……
You’ll find me lying in a pile of shredded paper!
Beow, beow, beow
December 18th, 2008 at 11:38 pm
Oh yeah, and if you would like to see a photo of Puff, you can go to my myspace page and look in my photos. He’s the white kitty.
http://www.myspace.com/HHendersondotcom
December 18th, 2008 at 11:39 pm
Oh yeah, and if you would like to see a photo of Puff, you can go to my website and click on my myspace link and look in my photos. He’s the white kitty.
December 18th, 2008 at 11:40 pm
oops………..doh!
December 21st, 2008 at 7:46 pm
Joe Cov rocks our world. He is a lyrical SUPERSTAR!
We love you, Josef Lambsen!
C&A x
December 23rd, 2008 at 4:12 pm
Sorry — I’ve been absent from this [uncharacteristically busy December].
First, congratulations to everyone for all of this wonderful music.
Second, I really appreciate the positive things said about our song. Much heartfelt thanks.
As for the question of following me BHB, I’m in between bands right now so I’m not performing at the moment. I hope to be in a new project by the time the weather starts getting nicer, and if you keep in touch I can let you know what’s up. I’m also hoping to finish a new album soon — since the stuff on iTunes is a few years old.
Lastly, we put up a slideshow video of Kevin, the Christmas Cat! for your viewing pleasure: [posting thinks links are potential spam, so the YouTube user is LostPlayhouseTheatre.]
Happy Holidays!
— slw
December 24th, 2008 at 11:28 am
I just realized that If we WERE voting this time around, I wouldn’t be able to choose between Scott Wolfson and Jason Morris. My god, I love these songs.
December 29th, 2008 at 7:52 pm
Please watch the Puffington Proper Paws video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yd_YuEdbdMQ
Thanks everybody! =)