I’ve seen a lot of stuff and I’ve got stuff to say about that stuff. So, get your stuff together and read this stuff…and stuff.
Quarantine
I pretty much have a distaste for these “found footage†movies to say the least. Emerging from the theater after seeing Quarantine gave me the insight needed to understand why I don’t crave the sticky sweets of this new found genre. Quarantine is a remake of the foreign film REC, which I have not seen, but I hold out hope that it is much better then its McClone. The plot revolves around a news reporter (played by Emily Rose herself) who is shadowing two firemen for an entire night, cameraman in tow. They go on an emergency call for an apartment building owned by Boris The Blade (Snatch!). One of the buildings residents is exceedingly sick, thus the firemen and news team go into the building to address the ever looming danger. Suddenly the government quarantines the entire building, trapping all the residents in and giving the producers a marketable title.
(***QUARANTINE SPOILERS START HERE***)
If it was the 90’s and a cheesy word bite needed to be branded on the poster, it would most certainly read “DIE HARD CROSSED WITH 28 DAYS LATER!!!†Those generalized amalgamated summations are painful, yet
in most cases they are accurate to some degree. This isn’t a zombie movie. Why? Because zombies have to be dead, these beings are still living, yet infected. We’ll call them “sickos†as Robert Rodriguez called his creatures in Planet Terror. The main problem with Quarantine’s sickos is that they are completely identical to the sickos in 28 Days Later. Instead of the rage virus, here we have instant rabies…which for all intents and purposes translates to the EXACT SAME THING. When I say exact, I mean exact. It would be less annoying if they just made a spin-off of the 28 franchise and showed us the first night of infection in a locked building, because that is exactly what this is.
The movie we see, much like Cloverfield (or REC assumedly), is after the fact. We are viewing the found footage of the news cameraman. As I’ve said, I am not fond of this new genre. I’m not sure that it could even be called “new,†after all Blair Witch was almost 10 years ago. My disdain for this brand of cinema comes from a few factors. I prefer film-making to thrill-making. These movies, with their headache inducing shaky cam and muddled “realistic†dialogue, are made to be an experience, not a timeless piece of cinema. Kill me, but I much prefer the omnipotent “normal†camera work that shows us the best possible view of the story. Watch any of these “found footage†films and you will realize why they don’t shoot movies all in one take with one shot, its annoying and horrible looking. The only way to get away with such crap film making is if you create a crap genre as an excuse. Being the huge fan of film characters that I am, these films, especially Quarantine, tend to not deliver on any level of unique or memorable character types. The hyper realistic style of this film, and others like it, also kind of excommunicate any type of long-lasting personalities. The humans in these movies are intended to be real, which in cinema-lingo crossed with horror-movie-lingo, means meat-for-the-slaughter. They have no character to quote, no personality to cling to, they thrive on the flimsy mutual connection with the audience’s desire to simply not die. I’m not saying that every film needs an Ash (Evil Dead 2), or a John MCclane (Die Hard), or even a Rick Blaine (Casablanca)…but it really helps, and has a lasting effect. It’s always a pleasure to see a character that rises above the hold of mediocrity that we all live in on our side of the screen. These “found footage†films have none of that, just young, hot, questionable talents that say things like “let’s get to the basement,†“watch out,†or “OH MY GOD.†It’s all very hollow and rather boring.
(***QUARANTINE SPOILERS GET WORSE HERE***)
No doubt you’ve noticed the TV marketing campaign they are running constantly. I’m speaking of those displaying the night-vision shot of the Emily Rose chick getting dragged off into the dark. That shot is also found in the trailer, and on the poster for the film. Well…IT’S THE LAST SHOT IN THE MOVIE!!! That’s right people; they advertised the film using the last shot, right up to the last frame. Does this anger anyone else? I’m not joking here; she literally gets dragged away then it cuts to black, CREDITS. Done. Isn’t the marketing for a film supposed to only give you a taste, not a spoiler? It’s an interesting situation they have created here. Once you’ve seen the trailer for the umpteenth time then you sit through the whole film expecting it to go somewhere you HAVE NOT SEEN, it will end on the exact note that has been drilled into your eye sockets for 2 weeks between soda and car commercials…its very angering. If the movie didn’t suck all by itself, the incompetent marketing is enough to merit hatred.
City Of Ember
Director Gil Kenan’s second outing as director, City of Ember, aims to be this generations Legend, or even Dark Crystal but comes off like a chopped up mess. I know it’s based on a book of the same name, but I’ve never read it, nor am I one of those adaptation proctologists with one finger always engorged and searching for inaccuracies. The plot concerns a city, which is Of Ember, located deep below the surface of the earth. The opening prologue tells us that the city was built by scientists who only gave it a 200 year lifespan. We come into the story at the end of its 200th year, where the last generator (their only power source) is about to fail. Our two main characters, male child and female child (their names and character traits almost irrelevant to the story) go on a short mystery solving adventure to find a way out of Ember. Fun? Sort of.
Kenan obviously has a knack for eerie visuals and dark themes; this can be seen in his very impressive first film Monster House. City Of Ember has no shortage of this tone, the movie plays very much like a children’s fantasy from the 1980’s, where the underlying adult messages run deep and the tones are a bit more dreary then one would assume a kid’s film should have. These are all compliments mind you, as I feel that is the staple of any truly great “family film.” Go back and watch something like the Secret Of NIMH or The Neverending Story and stop and think about what exactly those films are conveying. They carry very heavy stuff underneath their fanciful exterior. Ember tries admirably to achieve the same goal, however it’s loose ends and unexplained details come off as more of an editing issue then the intended effect.
(***CITY OF EMBER SPOILERS START HERE***)
The film feels cut to all hell, the characters underdeveloped, and the alien world they live in is only given a few key moments to be summarized. The casting of Bill Murray as the evil mayor and Tim Robbins as the “Doc Brown” of Ember helps to sell some of it, but even they seem useless and bored…especially Murray, whose character never really earns the evil branding that the film tries to glue him to. Perhaps there is a missing 30 minutes to an hour that would make Ember a solid children’s adventure, but in the state that it landed in theaters it’s just a passing memory. However, I will give Gil Kenan the benefit of the doubt…visually he is very gifted; he just needs a script and the freedom of larger runtime.
Sex Drive
Why this movie is receiving such a marketing blitz I do not know. I had the opportunity to see this copycat comedy over a month ago at a preview screening and was completely under whelmed by it. As I am writing this sentence there are no doubt 238 commercials for this film playing on every channel, all of them touting how amazingly funny and original Sex Drive is…seriously? Sex Drive copies off about 20 to 30 other teen sex comedies in several different ways, it is NOTHING NEW. Some of the scenes are almost directly stolen. The movie has a special affinity for American Pie (a film I hated the first time it was made), stealing the “parents walking in on a boy jerking off scene” (which is, sadly, much better parodied in Not Another Teen Movie) to having a character that is IDENTICAL to Stifler. In fact, James Marsden might even be a better Stifler then Sean Willam Scott, yet that still doesn’t forgive Sex Drive for being unoriginal recycled banality.
Seth Green as the sarcastic Amish mechanic is the only saving grace of an otherwise uninspired teen-sex-road-movie, he really is absolutely hilarious with almost every line he utters. I will say that if all the gags and jokes weren’t completely tired in my 2008 eyes, I might say that Sex Drive is “pretty funny,” but I found it more angering and bland. I love teen movies too, please don’t think I have some vendetta against the genre. Perhaps my extensive knowledge of the genre is what is ironically damaging. This is a Frankenstein’s monster of teen movies, however not a parody, and if you are too apathetic, too lazy or too young to bother watching all that it steals from…then you will probably enjoy it.
What Just Happened?
Barry Levinson is a very hit or miss filmmaker. Sometimes he makes an expertly crafted piece of cinema like Sleepers, and sometimes he makes Envy, and lately it seems like he is making more Envys then Sleepers. I’m very pleased to say that Levinson has finally, somewhat, returned to form this time making fun of Hollywood egos. What Just Happened? is based on the book of the same name by Art Linson, who is also the screenwriter. By the way, Art Linson is the director of the rather forgotten Hunter S. Thompson movie Where The Buffalo Roam starring Bill Murray. There is a little wink to that fact in the movie itself.
(***WHAT JUST HAPPENED SPOILERS START HERE***)
Here we have Robert De Niro as Ben, a successful Hollywood producer. Through out the course of the film we are taken through several different, and sometimes intervening, events currently going on in his life. The film opens with him attending a test screening of a new, fictional, Sean Penn film that he produced called Fiercely. The fictional movie features an extremely graphic ending in which Sean Penn gets violently killed right after his innocent, sidekick dog is brutally shot in the head point blank with blood spewing toward the camera. The test screening audience gasps with disgust, as De Niro shows embarrassment on his face. Needless to say, it is extremely hilarious. The plot revolves around Ben’s quest to get the pretentious foreign director to re-edit the dog-murdering scene, make peace with his second ex-wife, and get Bruce Willis to shave off his beard. It’s kind of like a week in the life of a Hollywood producer, except it’s a film and not a crappy reality show.
De Niro plays his character as very subdued, there’s not an ounce of his trademark “I’m about to kick your face in” attitude in his performance, which is a testament to just how versatile he can be. In fact, through out most of the movie he comes off as rather pathetic, brilliantly so. Bruce Willis simply plays himself, but steals every scene he’s in as an egomaniac version of his persona. He refuses to shave his huge, bushy facial hair for his next role and the studio, the director, and Ben all want it gone because it ruins his sex appeal…to which Willis hilariously retorts with how much “muff” he has been getting with the beard. John Turturro plays Willis’s agent, who is also simultaneously completely afraid of him. The genius way in which the movie handles Willis is that it tries to purport that he is his action-man character in real life, that he is ready to beat anyone to death if they piss him off. Michael Wincott (better known as Top Dollar from The Crow) as the director of Fiercely gives a rather insane performance as a pretentious counter-culture filmmaker…especially going so far as to secretly re-edit the dog-murdering scene to make it even more, hilariously, gruesome. Please don’t misunderstand me, I don’t find murdering dogs funny, it’s the audience’s reaction to such a taboo that brings the laughs.
The film isn’t perfect however, nor is it a slap happy comedy riot…most of the comedy being wonderfully dry. What Just Happened? has it’s fair share of drama, mostly when concerning Ben’s love life. There is also a lot of over editing, or at least what feels like over editing. Several scenes of De Niro driving all over town feature heavy sections of cutting, jump cutting, fast motion, slo-mo, and such…it takes you out of the movie at some points, but I’ve only seen it once and that could lessen with further viewings. However, the one stroke of genius in the film is how Ben has the sample film-score to Fiercely in his car stereo the entire movie, which plays over many scenes and substitutes, appropriately, for where the real film music should be. All the songs even start with a sound editor saying the name of the track; it’s a hilarious and well executed little touch.
Godfather Restorations
My home town was lucky enough to have our local historic theater be one of the privileged few showcases for the restorations of The Godfather and The Godfather: Part 2. I spent almost seven hours alone in the dark with the Corleone family on a quiet Thursday afternoon, and I have to just say…amazing. Now, I am not the proud owner of a Blu-ray player or HD-TV so this is the only way I could experience these restorations and I can honestly say I much prefer a real film print to a digital version any day of the week. I have not sat down to watch The Godfather in almost half a decade, but even so I could see the difference in quality. These prints are worth your time, even if you’ve committed them to memory, the restorations make it worth six or seven hours to revisit.
Reviewing the movies themselves isn’t even worth doing, obviously, it’s the frickin’ Godfather. However, as I was sitting in the theater during the still-included intermission during Part 2, I couldn’t help but wonder why more re-releases don’t happen. Hollywood is constantly remaking movies, why not re-release a few as well, there is an audience for this type of thing. The only catch is that it has to be a real film print and not just a projected DVD. Their justification for remakes is always “We want to introduce a new generation to the film.” That is total bullshit, you aren’t introducing anyone to the same film, it’s a different movie, the only right way to do it would be re-release…right? You can’t tell me that a beautifully restored re-release print of Jaws, Ghostbusters, Deliverance, or even say like Once Upon A Time In The West with proper marketing and a proper release slot wouldn’t turn some sort of profit. You would then truly be giving the “old” generation a chance to introduce the “new” generation to the ACTUAL film as they saw it…right? RIGHT? eeehhhh…it’s hopeless, I know. If you didn’t get a chance to catch the Godfather restorations at the theater (because god knows that Beverly Hills Chihuahua needs to take up 5,000 screens,) get the Blu-rays, it seriously is worth the watch.
Comments: 5 Comments
5 Responses to “Opinion In A Haystack: Slew O’ Stuff”Leave a Reply |
October 20th, 2008 at 10:37 am
Another quality read. I completely agree with your assessment on the state of remakes vs. re-releases…if the original is so worthy of a tribute, then why dumb it down with inferior filmmaking skills instead of polishing up and revisiting the greatness that’s so inspiring in the first place?
Well said my old friend, well said.
October 20th, 2008 at 10:54 am
yes mr. sherman.
everything stinks.
October 20th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
Yeah. Sex Drive was hilarious. So. You know, you’re wrong.
October 20th, 2008 at 10:38 pm
Bear – Thanks
Ellen – The Critic was an awesome show.
Cocksman Jones – THANKS FOR COMMENTING!!!
October 23rd, 2008 at 11:40 am
First time, long time –
Huge Fan.
But I know that a lot of people are going to think of me of being blasphemous in saying that I wish The Godfather would go away. Don’t get me wrong, I feel the films are classic. When I started getting into movies, I couldn’t get enough of The Godfather. But now it is so over played, sometimes I feel it’s becoming like It’s A Wonderful Life except they play it all year long.
If only it would be taken off the market for a year then bring it back, people wouldn’t notice and still love the film.
I hate to say this also, but I wish they would do the same for Star Wars.
Anyway, Looking forward to Zack and Miri.