Welcome back to another week of TV or Not TV, where we aim to disappoint at every turn!
To start the disappointment train a chuggin’ along I have to say that the anticipated discussion about the FOX new fall shows won’t be occurring today, but since they aren’t going to be airing during this next week I don’t feel so bad. I neglected to look at this high tech device I just found out about called a calendar, and realized that I was going to try to take on too much at the same time that the Labor Day weekend was hitting. I know, not very bright of me.
I am, however, very excited at the fact that this week many shows are either premiering or returning for the new Fall season, so there is plenty to write about and read in this week’s column. Hopefully that will help balance out the let down a little bit.
So, with that knowledge at hand let’s just jump right in to the schedule and see where it takes us, shall we?
MONDAY
If there is any one thing that I love about Labor Day it is the marathons that networks put on. Unfortunately Style won’t be running The Biggest Loser this year, so here first is a guide to all the shows you can watch far too much today. With all of them please check your local listings for times.
FX – All the Fez you can ask for with That 70’s Show.
TNT – 13 hours of The Closer.
TBS – Guess they had to go with quantity over quality. I’d have much rather seen a My Boys marathon over the scheduled Tyler Perry’s House of Payne.
USA – Enjoy a day with the Defective Detective Monk.
ANIMAL PLANET – Easily get reminded why we shouldn’t trust the animal kingdom with this marathon of Untamed and Uncut.
HIST – If you watch all 12 hours you’ll know why things are Tougher in Alaska.
OXYGEN – If you won’t be taking in the 90210 redux than you might catch Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood.
SCIFI – It’s a viewers choice marathon of Star Trek: The Next Generation.
STYLE – You may feel a lot cleaner than some people after watching Clean House.
OK, enough marathon talk. Let’s get talk about what to really watch.
FOX – 8:00 PM: The two hour season premiere of Prison Break kicks of a few months after last season’s finale. Here’s hoping they can breathe new life into this show and make it interesting again.
CW – 8:00 PM: I am sure a certain demographic out there is so excited that the mysterious texting Gossip Girl returns tonight. Me? Not so much.
TUESDAY
CW – 8:00 PM: No, the TV listings haven’t had a flashback, 90210 is having its season premiere tonight. Considering the original went from standard teen drama to night time soap opera during its first run I’m curious to see how this re-imagined version plays out.
FX – 10:00 PM: It’s the premiere of the final season of The Shield. I feel like The Shield was one of the first shows to really set the tone for the FX line up of gritty shows, so I hope it goes out as strong as it came in.
WEDNESDAY
FOX – 8:00 PM: Faster than you can say ‘Fish and Chips’ a body turns up and our favorite team is in England and asked to help investigate on Bones.
CW – 8:00 PM: So this season on America’s Top Model one of the contestants is a transgender named Isis. I wish they hadn’t given us the name so we could have tried to guess who it was.
THURSDAY
FOX – 8:00 PM: With the premiere of the new season of Kitchen Nightmares we get to see Gordon Ramsey return to six of the restaurants that he tried to save from the brink of closure with his own personal form of fixing hate.
CBS – 8:00 PM: Another person goes and only four will remain in the Big Brother house. The 75 year old has made it to this point, and 10 to 1 one of the remaining women leave tonight. I know, you are probably tired of hearing about this show but it’s the highlight of my summer.
FRIDAY
FOX – 8:00 PM: Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? premieres tonight and the producers are grasping at straws bringing Kathy Ireland in to play. Who is next, Spuds McKenzie?
USA – 9:00 PM: Hello syndication, let me introduce you to Adrian Monk. He’s 100 episodes old now and is a prime candidate for you. He’ll be celebrating this milestone with tons of former guest stars including Andy Richter, Sarah Silverman, Howie Mandel, Sharon Lawrence and John Turturro. With this many people how will they have any time for an actual show?
ABC FAMILY – 8:00 PM: Tonight is the first night of Samurai Girl, an adaption of the teen novels and in a very surprising turn the star is former Real World: San Diego reality roommate Jamie Chung. Even more surprising, the girl can actually act.
SATURDAY
FOX – 8:00 PM: COPS enters in to its 21st season in Broward County, FL where the show originally began. I can’t wait to compare this show against the first one ever. It will be like watching those two episodes of My Name is Earl all over again.
ABC FAMILY – 8:00 PM: Part two (or episodes 3 & 4 if you are really keeping track) of Samurai Girl. If you missed it last night you can catch those at 6:00 PM.
NBC – 11:29 PM: The repeat tonight of Saturday Night Live is when Tina Fey was guest host. Relive her infamous ‘bitch is the new black’ line and chuckle along with me.
SUNDAY
ABC FAMILY – 8:00 PM: The conclusion of Samurai Girl.
MTV – 9:00 PM: Last year the Video Music Awards made the world stop and be scared for Britney Spears. Who will shock the world this go around? I think I’m officially too old to care anymore.
HBO – 9:00 PM: Alan Ball, the man behind Six Feet Under brings us his next creepy new show: an adaption of the adaption of the Sookie Stackhouse novels called True Blood. A mind reading waitress (played by Ana Paquin) befriends a 173-year-old vampire (played by Stephen Moyer). Why is it these vampires are always so old anyway? Just once I want the vampire to be this lost 30-something who can’t decide on a career in his post-living life.
HBO – 10:00 PM: I don’t know why I continue to watch Entourage as I feel there is only so far you can go following the career of an actor and his tight group of friends. This year, however, may win me back as the vanity project Medallin is so badly reviewed that it sends Vince Chase into a Mexican Beach seclusion trip with Turtle.
– Will Wilkins really will discuss the new Fall shows for FOX next week…no really.
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