Here we are again, same Will time, same Will channel.

There is no other way to put it folks, the week is bleak. Television doesn’t have a lot to offer us. As a matter of fact this week was so bad I was almost considering writing a book report in place of my regular column. I also considered writing about my desire to get a new iPhone when they come out, or even blogging about how much weight I’ve lost so far this year*. Instead, however, I sat down and took a long hard look at the schedule for the next week (mostly because I figured none of the others would actually get published here at the ‘Stop).

Last week I failed to mention the premiere of America’s Got Talent. This is the third season of the show, and last year the winner was a ventriloquist. Unlike American Idol this show will take people of any age doing anything that they claim is a talent. The contestants are a full spectrum starting out at bizarre and pathetic and ending in awe inspiring. If the campiness of the acts isn’t enough for you than you can’t help but enjoy the half-coherent judging done by David “The Hoff“ Hasselhoff.

We’re also four episodes in to the new season of The Venture Brothers on Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim and so say that I’m extremely pleased and entertained would be putting it lightly. So far we’ve been given a glimpse into more of the history of the characters, complete with origin stories. I am only sad to think that we’re already a third of the way through this new season.

All of that being said, let me present to you the massive and steaming pile of shows for the upcoming week.

MONDAY

NBC – 9:00 PM: Tonight’s episode of American Gladiators may be better (or worse) than thousands of dollars in therapy. Married couples take on the challenge. Unfortunately only one man and one woman can continue on to the semifinals, so there goes the potential for any progress.

SHO – 10:00 PM: Now that Nancy has settled in to her new digs on Weeds she’s going to have some fun at the border. Celia’s going to be suffering in prison and I’m waiting eagerly to see this.

TUESDAY

FOX – 8:00 PM: Two hours of Hell’s Kitchen. Not a show to watch with the munchies.

NBC – 8:00 PM: Some things are so brilliant you dare not even dream about them. One such thing is Celebrity Family Feud, where Ice-T and his family goes up against Joan and Melissa Rivers and family to try to win money for charity. I’d like to formally request Miley Cyrus and family vs. The Kardashians.

FX – 10:00 PM: If you blink you may miss the first of the 10 minisodes of Rescue Me that they are offering up since the show won’t be back until 2009.

WEDNESDAY

ABC – 8:00 PM: If you’ve been wondering how far we’ve fallen as a society look no further than Wipeout. 24 people navigate an obstacle course specifically designed to make them fall and face plant constantly. What do you get for your pain? A one in four chance to win $50,000.

NBC – 9:00 PM: If you’ve dealt with a teenager lately then you know that they think they know everything. Tonight I’m hoping Baby Borrowers will be giving quite a few teenagers a dose of reality.

ABC – 9:00 PM: ABC continues their suckfest with I Survived a Japanese Game Show. Once again people get abused, but this time they are gunning for $250,000. Hey, got to draw the line for your dignity somewhere, right?

CW – 9:00 PM: It’s the finale of Farmer Wants a Wife. Too bad it isn’t followed up by America Really Doesn’t Care.

THURSDAY

VH1 – 3:00 PM: Enjoy a marathon of the latest addition to the “I Love” series on VH1. Even though we’re only 9 years in (or 8 depending on who you argue with), they give us I Love the New Millennium (until 2007 anyway).

FX – 8:00 PM: I find that one of those polarizing films is Batman Begins. People seem to either like it or hate it. I’m part of the former.

SCIFI – 9:00 PM: Another great polarizer is M. Night Shyamalan’s Unbreakable. Personally I think it would have been a greater film if you cut the “twist” at the end of the film.

FRIDAY

ABC- 8:00 PM: Tonight ABC attempts to beat the dead horse a bit more by bringing us their own dance based game show Dance Machine.

BRAVO – 9:00 PM: There is nothing funny about the film Broke Back Mountain, but the fact that it airs after the GLAAD Media Awards does make me chuckle.

AMC – 10:00 PM: Tune in to AMC to watch the movie that made us aware of what a modem is with WarGames. Perhaps a nice game of chess?

SATURDAY

ANIMAL PLANET – 7:00 PM: Hosted by Beth O (Howard Stern’s fiancé), enjoy the World’s Ugliest Dog Competition before watching…

ANIMAL PLANET – 8:00 PM: A highlight show of the first season of Groomer Has It leads us in to the season finale at 9.

ABC – 8:00 PM: It’s the Not So Wonderful World of Disney when they present us with The Haunted Mansion.

E! – 8:00 PM: If you have three hours you can watch 60 of the 101 Most Unforgettable SNL Moments.

SUNDAY

NBC – 8:00 PM: This week’s U.S. Olympic Trials brings us those vying for a spot on the swimming teams.

FX – 9:00 PM: A guilty pleasure that I have to watch every time it is on is Dodgeball:A True Underdog Study.

TCL – 9:00 PM: In The Singing Office former N’Sync-er Joey Fatone and ex-Spice Girl Mel B. drop in on offices and hold singing competitions to find untapped talent in the corporate world. Each episode they hit two offices and those selected have a sing off against each other. I like the idea, can’t wait to see the execution.

– *Will Wilkins has lost close to 30 pounds so far this year, in case you were wondering.

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