Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

• The world’s most renowned mime, Marcel Marceau, has passed away at the age of 84. Cause of death was not known at press time, but speculation is that he ran out of air while trying to find his way out of an invisible box.

• The highly anticipated video game Halo 3 has finally been released. Sales for the last installment of the wildly successful franchise topped $124 million in the first 24 hours. Due to the game’s release, IT offices and departments across the country will be closed for the next two weeks.

• The Sex Pistols have reunited to record versions of the band’s hits for the next installment of the Guitar Hero video game. The band will also be performing several shows around the UK to celebrate the 30th anniversary of the release of Never Mind the Bollocks. The band had contemplated digging up dead Sex Pistol Sid Vicious for the events but decided no one would notice if he was playing anyways.

• Reports say actress Jessica Biel is up for the role of Wonder Woman in the upcoming Justice League film. The movie is being rushed (always a good sign) through production in hopes of finishing the project before the possibility of a strike. After the news was released, every man alive spent the next 15 minutes daydreaming… with erections. In related news, Linda Carter is still old.

• The 90’s pop powerhouse EMF, who you’ll remember from the song “Unbelievable”, is reuniting. The band last performed together in 2002. Upon hearing the news, music fans across the country said “who the [EXPLETIVE DELETED] is EMF?”

• Work has already started on a sequel to the hugely successful film Transformers. Director Michael Bay has already expressed interest in returning to helm the next film. According to a DreamWorks rep, once all the parts have been cast, a budget set, and special effects started, they hope to find someone to write the film.

That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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