Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

• As reported here last week, Britney Spears made her, albeit futile, comeback attempt at this year’s MTV Video Music Awards. The response to Spears’s performance was overwhelmingly negative as she lip-synched and danced her way through her new single “Gimmie More.” Music executives were quick to point out that Spears’s, bloated, half-hearted, over-hyped train wreck of a performance was in no way a reflection of American Pop Music.

• Catholics are all pissed off at comedian Kathy Griffin. After winning an Emmy this past weekend for her reality TV show My Life on the D-List, Griffin said “a lot of people come up here and thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus.” Jesus responded by saying, “You know, she’s right. Like I don’t have better things to do than sit around and make sure so and so wins some bullshit award or some team wins a football game.”

• Rock star and renowned dirt bag Kid Rock was cited over the weekend after an apparent fight with fellow musician Tommy Lee in the crowd of MTV’s Video Music Awards.  Reports stated that the altercation began when Lee became upset that rock was ignoring him, and ended with Rock punching Lee in the face.  Authorities are contemplating bringing charges against the pair’s ex-girlfriend, Pamela Anderson, for “willfully staging a public cock fight.”

• In continued Tommy Lee news, it appears that Lee is quitting Motley Crue. The rest of Motley Crue is upset with Lee and his manager after Lee chose to star in a reality TV show rather than tour with the band. Lee’s only comment regarding the split was “[EXPLETIVE DELETED] those guys. I’m not going to let those guys stand in the way of my efforts to completely destroy any credibility I have left. Besides, I’ve got to prepare for my new reality TV show called My D*ck is Longer Than My Career.”

• According to a note posted on the band’s website, Coldplay is finishing up work on a new album. The album, produced by Brian Eno, may include the songs “Lost!,” “leftrightleftrightleft,” and “42” among others. Coldplay front man Chris Martin said this new album should complete the band’s mission of boring every single human being on the planet.

• The White Stripes have canceled a planned UK tour due to drummer Meg White’s “acute anxiety.” The group apologized to disappointed fans “We hate to let people down and are very sorry.” Front man Jack White reportedly turned down the option of replacing Meg with a monkey saying “I don’t want Meg to feel like she’s being replaced by a better drummer.”

• And finally this week, Daily Show host Jon Stewart will be hosting the 80th Annual Academy Awards. This will mark the second appearance hosting the awards show. Fathers across the country are already complaining about the announcement saying unanimously “I just don’t think he’s that funny.”

That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

##

Comments: None