Instead of manning-up and actually going the emotionally hard route of being outrightly rejected by publishers, I’m rejecting them first and allowing you to give my entire book a preview, let you read the whole thing or, if you like, download the whole damn thing at no cost. Download and read my first book “Thank You, Goodnight†for FREE.
Note #2: I make an appearance on my first ever Podcast with ScreenGeeks Radio right here. I got to talk a little bit about the trials and tribulations of enduring Comic-Con this year and just had a good time talking with Barry, Josh and Dave. Good people and they were really fun to chat with.
I swear I’ll tie this all back to RENO 911’s Ben Garant and Thomas Lennon.
One of the things I like to do with my time is keep up with what’s going on in the media through programs like Studio 360 and On The Media on NPR. A recent edition of OTM, though, had a rousing discussion of the changing paradigms of summer reading lists in the college system. Now, while I figured most reading lists were for us plebes in the English studies there was a mention that other departments were getting into the mix. Books that have a larger worldwide context are where things are going, essentially. Instead of just our notion that America is king and we should only be concerning ourselves with America is becoming outmoded in favor of a global perspective. This brings us to today’s topic of one of the things that were brought up during the story: Barack Obama’s book “Dreams from My Father” was once a part of many university’s reading lists but, with his run for the White House, that book has been shuffled off many a list because some academics at one school thought having young freshman read it would be taken as a sign of “tacit endorsement.”
Obviously, as I write this, there are many of you who never went to college, never plan on going to college, plan on going to some college advertised between episodes of Judge Joe Brown or are ramping up to another year full of learning, social mixing, sexual hijinks and self-exploitation. The one thread that weaves right through all of you, though, is that as a group you are lazy, indifferent, apathetic, listless and every other adjective for roustabout the Oxford English Dictionary has on file. In short, politicians love you because you represent an overwhelmingly large population that has an inverse proportion of voter turnout. For all your hippie talks about changing the world, for all your thoughts of thinking you know how to do things differently, for every grandiose idea of how life will be different you might as well say it to a wall because no one will ever listen to you. You’re pathetic as a group because you’re all talk and no action. You might as well be the big dog down the street on a leash and chain who wakes everyone up in the middle of the night because you can’t shut the hell up as the neighbors wonder how to poison your Gaines Burgers.
In an effort to try and do something, anything, to help get the youth voters out there a little more engaged hallowed television producer Norman Lear (some would say ALL IN THE FAMILY was his crowning achievement I would point to GOOD TIMES, SILVER SPOONS and DIFF’RENT STROKES) has created DECLARE YOURSELF, a site that is the anchor for a major multimedia push heading toward the 2008 election that is a, “nonpartisan, nationwide campaign to empower every 18-year-old in America to register & vote in the 2008 election.” It’s going to partner with sites like MySpace, Yahoo!, Google, YouTube, Comedy Central and vanguards in fashion and sports to help get the word out about making your vote count.
Myself? I don’t know. You 18 year-olds have proven, time and time again, even with campaigns like Rock The Vote and Vote Or Die that you’re a lazy lot who just didn’t care about giving away your personal freedoms over to one of the worst presidents of our time, a hillbilly who thinks nothing of running roughshod over international law, to a vice-president who would sooner turn over the personal information of a member of the CIA because of a personal grudge, and to an instigator of an illegal war that you all obviously care nothing about, statistically speaking.
Go on, young people, and enjoy your US Weekly, your Entertainment Tonight, your unlimited quantities of Mountain Dew: Code Red, your tickets to the latest emo band rocking your packed iPod, your unlimited text messaging (OMFG!), your Colbert Report reruns and let the adults continue to determine how rude of an awakening you’re in for when you have to join the rest of us in the real world.
If you care at all about where you can at least appear somewhat intelligent in conversations about which politician you might might do the least damage to your life once you leave the safe confines of your brick and mortar university get over to DECLARE YOURSELF and enjoy the video that is Ben Garant and Thomas Lennon in one of the best videos I have ever seen that sums up everything pretty well.
I completely support youth campaigns like this one and if it honestly can get a few of you to wake up from your adolescent slumber it is well worth the effort to get you out and vote.
Director: Sebastian Gutierrez
Cast: Lucy Liu, Michael Chiklis, Carla Gugino, James D’Arcyn
Release: Hopefully on its way to a glue farm in Pahrump, NV.
Synopsis: Sadie (Liu) is an investigative reporter who stumbles upon a dark underground cult that is attracting young Los Angeles hipsters. Lured in by the promise of wild parties, these kids start turning up dead, and when Sadie tries to get to the bottom of their gruesome murders, she becomes a victim herself. She awakens in the morgue, neither dead nor alive, consumed by an overwhelmed craving for blood, and hell-bent on finding the twisted killers that made her this way.
View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)
Prognosis: So Negative I Can Only Laugh. Can anyone out there remember when the best lead-in for a preview told you that it is brought to you by the Producers of a second-rate horror adaptation?
If other movies have to jump over hurdles to get you to buy, the proclamation that this film was produced by the Producers who brought us all the American-ized version of THE GRUDGE this movie just hopes you roll over these speed bumps.
But, that’s neither here nor there, as we got a dead body being wheeled into a morgue space, even has the requisite meat locker, so that’s cool, right? We even are told that the writer of GOTHIKA is on the case for this as well. Hey wait, the meat locker morgue door is kicked open! That’s scary. Man, the love keeps coming…
I really don’t know why the bush-league effect of blazing through dozens of scenes at one time is supposed to be a dramatic moment but this just does a disservice to the person trying to comprehend what the film is supposed to be about.
True, this isn’t a movie that’s going to teach me about particle physics but I want some context and, sadly, this is denied.
“Everything happens for a reason.â€
You know, on second thought, second look and second time around, I think it’s better to use the confused approach because the truth isn’t very exciting. Besides getting some extended shots of some bra and panty action (the one good thing about this trailer as they understand only 12 year-old boys will gravitate to this production) we’re given one of the lamest set-ups ever for a film: horny couple, one a nympho and the other a swarthy European dirt dag (but, really, aren’t they all?), kill Lu only to have her not be killed and then comes back for revenge.
KILL BILL, THE CROW, CATWOMAN, take your pick about which movie this movie sounds like.
Oh, now we get that it’s a vampire movie without the deep pale contacts. Chiklis gets involved, I’m thinking as a disgraced/out-of-control/maverick cop because that’s what cops are in these kinds of films, and it takes a turn for the worse as the trailer just tries weakly to ballast itself with more girls in bras and panties; if I wasn’t so beyond this kind of marketing I would say this is the best trailer ever.
However, what we’re given as an audience is a jumbled mess of a trailer that doesn’t really explain much. Suffering from MTV syndrome of not letting your eye rest for more than 1.3 seconds as we barrel toward the end of this thing we get Liu’s horrific hair style and mannerisms of some kind of bad ass, something that Quentin Tarantino managed to pull off without nary a question of doubt, but it simply doesn’t work here. The crossbow gun is a nice, comedic touch, as is the Liu lesbian moment (they really know what demo is going to troll on over to see this movie) seems like a desperate grab for attention.
If the best thing I take away from this preview is that I hope Carla Gugino unleashes her wet flour sacks once more in this film then I think your trailer, and movie, are in trouble.
Director: Bob Odenkirk
Cast: Will Arnett, Will Forte, Chi McBride, Malin Akerman, Kristin Wiig
Release: September 7, 2007
Synopsis: THE BROTHERS SOLOMON tells the hilarious story of Dean and John Solomon (Forte and Arnett), two good-hearted but romantically-challenged brothers. When they find out their dying father’s last wish is for a grandchild, the brothers set out to find someone to have a baby with. But after spending their formative years being home-schooled by their father in a remote arctic location, their social skills prove to be somewhat lacking and their attempts at fatherhood go hysterically and disastrously wrong.
View Trailer:
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Prognosis: Positive. I don’t know why I keep coming back to this well of a trailer but I’m pretty sure it has everything to do with Will Arnett.
And Todd Rundgren. I’m a fan of “Bang on the Drum.†Huge fan.
What’s extraordinary about this trailer is that we’re launched right into the funny. There are no extended conceits with a serious voiceover that eventually yanks the “gotcha!†curtain that anyone with an 8 IQ and a self-regulating respiratory system can detect with a high-degree of certainty and that’s appreciated. This trailer just lays it out with Todd backing it all up.
I like the unflattering still shots of both Wills to introduce them to us; they are excellent in setting the tone for all those watching this thing. The home school snippet, showing us proto-looking church kids, is an excellent dovetail to the just sheer absurd nature of these guys’ lives. From the dart in the nose to the set-up, that the boys Solomon have a rough time with the ladies, just proves how well a trailer can convey information if you’re just smart about what you’re doing and presenting.
Now, even though the obvious lift of Tracey Morgan’s line about putting a baby in you is about as blatant as a blinking neon sign, Will makes it work. El otro Will spins the premise of trying to get a baby made for the 60 Million Dollar Man with just enough subtlety that Jenna Fischer’s quick moment to inject her gift for situational comedy in this trailer works exceptionally well.
Like the movie itself I am sure there will be a scorecard of how many hits and misses there were. In this trailer, though, there are some things that don’t work exceptionally well but the obvious go-to for a giggle, the sperm bank, is the grounds for a quick one-liner that actually feels fresh.
The moment where the Wills try to coax a girl into their car after they were told to spend some time with children in order to learn how to be good parents? Solid. The infant mortality moment? Eh, not so much.
There is a lot to be said to how to sell a comedy. It really is like perfume: not everyone can agree as to what’s funny or worth watching. The trailer here isn’t earth-shatteringly great but in a time of lameness in how we’re being sold this, that or the other thing this looks pretty good for a matinée.
Director: Wes Anderson
Cast: Owen Wilson, Adrien Brody, Jason Schwartzman, Anjelica Huston
Release: September 29, 2007
Synopsis: An emotional comedy about three brothers re-forging family bonds. The eldest, played by Wilson, hopes to reconnect with his two younger siblings by taking them on a train trip across the vibrant and sensual landscape of India.
View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)
Prognosis: Positive. Where’s the love?
Sure, THE LIFE AQUATIC seemed to miss the mark a smidge but that’s no reason to think that this movie is going down the same route just because some think that this trailer is a little esoteric.
I would go on record as saying that I think this trailer is actually quite engaging in the way it not only explains itself but in the way it endears you to all three of these men.
First, I can’t say enough about how nice that we get a quick clip of Owen just laying it right out in the open for us to understand: this is a road movie. Simple enough but it trumps so many other attempts by studios to be as vague as possible so it doesn’t have to commit to any one angle.
As the music slowly starts to slide in and we see the faces of our three men, I only take compunction with Adrien Brody for his corporate cock sucking in the name of Coca-Cola, I hope to come around though, we have been introduced without ever knowing their names. When Owen says that he wants these men who we come to know as brothers to come back together again we obviously set in motion some tension. There isn’t a reason given as to why Owen looks like he got worked by a meat grinder but there’s some sincerity that this road trip is being done in order to bring harmony back to their lives.
Among the details and the tight sense of space there is also the absurd. I can’t help but to admit laughing when the train operator stops the trip in order to let it be known he’s lost. Jason Schwartzman’s question isn’t so much funny as it is just a matter-of-fact statement that feels humorous.
Even though we’re not given much I can still tell that there is something that Owen wants more than anything, togetherness, that Brody is somewhat accepting of it all and that Jason is the one brother who doesn’t process emotion as quickly as his two other brothers. I feel like we’ve been given enough and the musical interlude just serves as a travelogue of how these things come together.
Jason’s question about how their relationships would have been different had they been people, and not brothers, was a poignant way to end this trailer but it’s something that cannot be overlooked: this trailer doesn’t state much but it says everything it needs to.
Next time anyone says that the trailer feels too esoteric I am giving you the right to nipple twist that jackhole into submission.
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