Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

• A Nebraskan micro-brewery is naming a beer in honor of Larry the Cable Guy. The beer will be named Git-R-Done. According to the micro-brew’s owner, the beer will taste like racism and stupidity.

• The little movie that could, Transformers, was number one at the box office again this past week. According to Paramount, Transformers has scored the biggest nonsequel-opening of all time, beating out Spider-Man and The Passion of the Christ. Well… we guess that solves that age-old question: Optimus Prime totally kicks Jesus’s ass.

• For the two of you in the world that actually care, actress Eva Longoria and basketball star Tony Parker were finally married over the weekend.  We at QSE News would like to congratulate the happy couple but would also like to warn Mr. Parker to watch out for Longoria sticking her [EXPLETIVE DELETED] into his [EXPLETIVE DELETED].

• It is being reported that singer and former American Idol contestant Clay Aiken was involved in an altercation on airplane over the weekend.  According to reports, “a shoving match occurred between an unnamed woman and an unnamed man who was a former American Idol contestant.”  Publicists for Aiken neither confirmed nor denied the singer’s role in the fight, but insisted that if Aiken were involved, it certainly wasn’t a “lover’s spat.”  Yeah… about that. we’re pretty sure no one is going to think that it’s a lover’s spat because that dude is totally ga… This just in! Britney offers an apology!

That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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