After reading way too many 100 Greatest movie lists from AFI, it’s time to come up with a list that truly reflects how a majority of people enjoy their cinema: Drunk on the sofa. But would those whores at AFI ask their blue ribbon panel to reveal their favorite films to watch with a six pack and a pizza? Screw ’em. Forget screwin’ those leatherskinned Lalaland puffy shirt wearing fools. We at the “Party Favors” have put together our own Pabst Blue Ribbon panel to vote and debate the greatest films to watch while wasted. Don’t argue too much about the ranking since we were drunk and our math skills went to hell. We’re still working on a TV special on Spike with Tom Sizemore hosting. Keep your fingers crossed that we can get him.

100. Borat (2006) – This would have scored higher, but a group of dorks decided to recite every line during breakfast.

99. Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine (1965) – Vincent Price makes an army of hot robot women in bikinis that are out to rule the world. Our only hope is Frankie Avalon. We’re doomed.

98. Night of the Living Dead (1968) – Anybody want some sausage?

97. The Black Cat (1934) – Boris Karloff, Bela Lugosi and a Satanic cult adds up to twisted times at a remote castle.

96. Zardoz (1974) – Sean Connery can’t be seen sober in his freaky wardrobe.

95. Damnation Alley (1977) – A bitchin’ van cruising around a post-apocalyptic world. We’re doomed, so get me another drink!

94. Fritz the Cat (1972) – R. Crumb’s little cat begging to be cool in the ’60s is brought to X-rated animation.

93. Viva Las Vegas (1964) – Ann-Margret shaking her thang at Elvis in scope is cinema!

92. The Abominable Dr. Phibes (1971) – Vincent Price is a monster without a face getting revenge on the Doctors that couldn’t save his wife. Wonder if Phibes is mentioned in Sicko?

91. Our Man Flint (1966) – James Coburn is going to save the world one lady at a time.

90. Cafe Flesh (1982) – After a nuclear war, most Americans have lost their sex libidos so they go to clubs to watch other screw. The M.C. played by Andy Nichols is a stunner.

89. Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure (1985) – This film is much better than The Bicycle Thief and it’s in English.

88. Blow (2001) – Johnny Depp hooks America on cocaine. But he doesn’t snort any lines off Penelope Cruz’s ass.

87. Cannonball Run (1981) – How come Hollywood doesn’t make great movies anymore? Damn you, Judd Apatow!

86. National Lampoon’s Vacation (1983) – The last time Chevy Chase was funny.

85. Big Lebowski (1998) – You better have all the makings for a White Russian before pressing play.

84. Freaked (1993) – The power of transformation at its peak.

83. This Is Spinal Tap (1984) – Your TV volume needs to go to 11.

82. Bachelor Party (1984) – Adrian Zmed rules the universe.

81. Airplane (1980) – Mrs. Cleaver knows how to talk jive.

80. The Godfather I & II (1972) – Do not watch III. No Fredo, no movie.

79. Orgazmo (1997) – The South Park boys mix crime fighting, Mormonism and porn into a tribute to The Sexorcist.

78. Goodfellas (1990) – Try matching your shots with Henry Hill’s shots.

77. Steamboat Bill, Jr. (1928) – The town falls down around Buster Keaton.

76. Dolemite (1975) – Has there ever been a badder pimp than Rudy Ray Moore? This film goes up a star with every beer.

75. Horse Feathers (1932) – Marx Brothers destroy a college.

74. Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989) – Dude, we’re time traveling!

73. Sid and Nancy (1986) – So damn punk rock. You’ll never stop mocking Rod Stewart and limos after seeing this.

72. Clerks (1994) – Ron Jeremy used to be able to pleasure himself without snapping his neck.

71. Transformers (1984) – Orson Welles will destroy us all!

70. Breakfast Club (1985) – Ally Sheedy was hot before Molly Ringwald slathered her in whore paint.
69. Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992) – Now she’s Buffy, the Husband with a Pregnant Wife Stealer.

68. Withnail & I (1987) – Do not attempt to match drinks with Danny.

67. Team America: World Police (2004) – Puppets having German style sex is all the rage.

66. Heavy Metal (1981) – The future of animation is rather raunchy.

65. Starship Troopers (1997) – Doogie Howser saves the Earth!

64. Raising Arizona (1987) – Randall “Tex” Cobb is coming for you, too.

63. 2001: a Space Odyssey (1968) – See you next Wednesday.

62. El Topo (1970) – This western is not to be viewed with a sober mind.

61. Blue Velvet (1986) – Frank Booth will rock your world.

60. The Party (1968) – Peter Sellers plays an Indian actor (from the country) that after destroying a movie, accidentally gets invited to a Hollywood big shot’s party. He turns this social event into a disaster zone. There’s even an elephant.

59. The Wedding Singer (1998) – The last time I thought Drew Barrymore was tempting. And I do want to hurt that Dead or Alive clone.

58. Spice World (1997) – The return and death of kitsch cinema. Did any English actor turn down a cameo gig?

57. Fight Club (1999) – You know who I want to fight? Arnold the Pig.

56. Last Tango in Paris (1972) – You’ll want to see this film with someone you love and plenty of butter.

55. Spy Who Loved Me (1977) – The birth of the cheesy Bond. Roger Moore is all quips and we get him fighting Jaws. Plus there’s sharks. Bonus comes with Caroline Munro.

54. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997) – Remember when Liz Hurley was hot in that Emma Peel leather jumpsuit?

53. Shaft (1971) – Don’t watch that weak remake. This is the real deal with John Shaft keeping the mob out of Harlem.

52. Beyond the Valley of the Dolls (1970) – Roger Ebert and Russ Meyer give us the true story of Josie and the Pussycats. The soundtrack is still groovy.

51. The Wild Bunch (1969) – Sam Peckinpah’s masterpiece about a crew of robbers that get tangled up in a Mexican arms deal. Forget Marty, this is Ernest Borgnine’s greatest screen role.

50. The Good, The Bad and the Ugly (1966) – Clint Eastwood’s final Spaghetti Western is an epic on all levels. We might know his name, but he’s so badass, you won’t want to get his attention.

49. Captain Kronos – Vampire Hunter (1974) – Enough of the blood sucking, bring on more Caroline Munro.

48. Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954) – Shame the video isn’t out on 3-D. Would be nice to be buzzed and having Julia Adams swim into my lap.

47. Man Who Fell to Earth (1976) – David Bowie is a space alien who….I’m not sure what the hell is going on. But after a little refreshment, the plot just flows over me.

46. Aguirre Wrath of God (1972) – Werner Herzog and Klaus Kinski go into the rain forest to show us pure insanity.

45. Taxi Driver (1976) – A lot of guys bring dates to see this movie.

44. Muppet Movie (1979) – You know the secret to the “Rainbow Connection?”

43. The Birds (1963) – Hitchcock reminds you why its important to eat chicken.

42. Slap Shot (1977) – The ultimate sports film. Paul Newman thinks he can save his minor league hockey team by bringing a brutal edge to their play. He trades for the Hanson brothers. While trio looks like helpless geeks, they put the “oon” in goon.

41. Hard-Boiled (1992) – Remember when you were pumped up to see a new John Woo film? Rumor has it that after making this film, John choked to death on a shell casing and his brother Ron Woo flew to America to make gems like Broken Arrow.

40. Super Fly (1972) – Big pimpin’ as the Priest makes the deal of his life.

39. Boogie Nights (1977) – Burt Reynolds is a porn filmmaker who likes to keep his work at home. What happened to Heather Graham? Get the bonus DVD to see her extra topless scene.

38. Barbarella (1968) – Jane Fonda stripping down in zero gravity. Stephen Colbert stole my DVD. Sci-Fi hasn’t looked any sexier. Bring on the future.

37. Blues Brothers (1980) – Make sure you only watch the extended cut with more John Lee Hooker.

36. Fast Times At Ridgemont High (1982) – Whenever anyone wonders what makes America so great; show them the clip of Phoebe Cates getting out of the pool.

35. Bad News Bears (1976) – Try to match Coach Buttermaker. And if you’re a tenderfoot, just equal Kelly Leak.

34. Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS (1975) – An epic of sex and violence. They’re going to
remake it with Jessica Simpson.

33. The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover (1989) – Don’t order the special.

32. A Clockwork Orange (1971) – Caution: You will start speaking like Alex after one screening, my little droogies.

31. Friday the 13th (any of them) – Another reason to avoid working at summer camps.

30. Hellraiser (1987) after a couple shots, you might attempt the Pinhead look. Remember to take a pic and put it on your profile page.

29. Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948) – All the monsters at one low price.

28. Commando (1985) Remember, Arnie, when I promised to pick you last? I lied.

27. Pink Flamingos (1972) – A great test for seeing who has the queasiest stomach.

26. Enter the Dragon (1973) – Bruce Lee’s defining film. He goes undercover to spy at a tournament of death. He’s saving the world with only his fists and feet. And a couple cool martial arts weapons that we used to buy at flea markets.

25. True Romance (1993) – Brad Pitt stole the film by smoking weed out of a honey bear.

24. Animal House (1978) – After the first round of refreshments, put on your best bed sheets.
Don’t follow these instructions while watching Birth of A Nation cause that might lead to trouble.

23. Cobra (1986) – The greatest opening 20 minutes in cinematic history. As Sly says, “You’re the disease, and I’m the cure.” Cure to sobriety!

22. Invasion U.S.A. (1985) – Chuck Norris saves us from the terrorists. How come Chuck isn’t in charge of Homeland Security?

21. On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (1969) – If there was one thing I learned from Raymond J. Regis, it was that this Bond adventure is criminally underplayed during Bond marathons. George Lazenby was the best Bond for this flick.

20. Orca (1977) – Best moment is when the Killer Whale nibbles off Bo Derek’s leg. “Like a pretzel,” my dad said in the theater.

19. The Silencers (1966) – Dean Martin is superspy Matt Helm. This might be the last film to glamorize drinking and driving. Dean has a wet bar in his car. This is where Austin Powers swiped the mojo.

18. Death Drug (1978) – An epic in the career of Philip Michael Thomas. This was supposed to be a short anti-drug film, but after Miami Vice, the producers padded the movie with every frame of film shot and new video footage in front of a curtain. PMT is a musician who gets his big break with the Gap band on the same night he gets hooked on PCP.

17. All Monsters Attack (1969) – Godzilla and the other monsters get mind controlled by aliens and rampage around the globe. Does Nationwide cover your car getting crushed by Rodan?

16. Scarface (1983) – You can’t get on MTV Cribs without this DVD in the collection.

15. Idiocracy (2006) – Mike Judge gives us a realistic view of America where we’ve evolved into one Springer Nation. I want a handjob when I go to Starbucks.

14. Any Three Stooges Short with Curly – Don’t settle for Joe Besser.

13. Death Race 2000 (1975) – A cross country race where drivers get bonus points for running over people. Paris Hilton will be in the remake as a pedestrian.

12. King of New York (1990) – Christopher Walken is a singin’ and dancin’ drug lord.

11. Better Off Dead (1985) – Curtis Armstrong is the greatest actor of his generation to never get called the greatest actor of his generation by Roger Ebert.

10. Eraserhead (1977) – Remember that Hostess Snowballs can be used as a beauty aid.

9. Harold and Kumar Go to the White Castle (Unrated) (2004) – Doogie Howser sniffing cocaine off a stripper’s ass while speeding down the highway. How are we supposed to believe Neil Patrick Harris is gay?

8. Friday (1995) – Another great performance from Tiny “Zeus” Lister Jr.

7. Saturday Night Fever (1977) – The irony of this film is that its anti-disco. You doubt me? What happens at the end of the film? Travolta discovers the disco lifestyle is false. He realizes that his dancing can go before

6. Disco Godfather (1980) – Put your weight on it! Rudy Ray Moore is the greatest disco DJ. But he has to stop the angel dust invasion when it ruins Bucky, a basketball superstar. Attack the Whack. Whack the Attack. Or Attack Whack.

5. Faster Pussycat Kill! Kill! (1965) – A trio of strippers terrorize the desert in their sports cars.

4. Drunken Master (1978) – Jackie Chan learns how to fight by getting boozed up. That’s the best way to kick ass, kids. The sequel is also worth watching if you’re still buzzed from the first round of fights.

3. Can’t Stop the Music (1980) – All bow down before the power of the Guttenchest!

2. Strange Brew (1983) – SCTV favorites Bob and Doug McKenzie arrive on the big screen. They go to work at the Elsinore Brewery and discover its dark secret.

1. Smokey and the Bandit (1977) – The greatest movie ever about a beer run. All must worship the treasure that’s Jerry Reed!

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