Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

• As a sign of the pending apocalypse, the band Good Charlotte is joining forces with Justin Timberlake for a tour this summer. Kicking off on August 6 in Memphis and adequately named the “Not A Hair There” tour, the show promises to bring a level of “suck-itude” to the stage that hasn’t been seen since in years.  Fortunately, both acts have promised to play “only the hits,” ensuring that the show will be no longer than half an hour and will not force their collective fan base to miss nappy time.

• Korn frontman, Jonathan Davis, is writing an opera. Yeah, you read that correctly. An opera. There is no joke associated with this news item as it itself is a joke. Seriously… as hard as we try, there’s just some shit you can’t make up. Some days it all just stops making sense.

That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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