Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:
Director Tim Burton is interested in making a film based on the lives of Marilyn Manson and his soon-to-be ex-wife Dita Von Teese. Burton commented on the possibility by saying “I’m fascinated by Dita and Marilyn. They’re like a living Brothers Grimm fairytale.” Burton also said he hopes to cast Rosie O’Donnell in the role of Manson.
- Lindsay Lohan is off the wagon and back on the booze and coke. Fresh off a stint of wild parties, car crashes, arrests, puking in bushes and passing out in cars while paparazzi take her picture, Lohan will be entering the Promises rehab facility. Promises is the same rehab facility where Britney Spears recently stayed. Lohan said the reason behind her recent activities is not a result of a relationship ending but rather a reoccurring nightmare that Rosie O’Donnell is chasing after her with a fork and a butter knife.
- A re-united Police kicked off a new tour before 20,000 screaming fans in Vancouver, British Columbia. The enthusiastic crowd cheered almost non-stop as the band rocked their way through a huge catalog of hits. When asked how it felt to be back on stage, Sting said that it was “truly amazing. I am looking forward to all of the shows… except the one in L.A. ‘cuz, you know, it’s hard to sing when you have a big, fat Rosie O’Donnell in the front row there… looking at you all hungry-like.”
- Former male model turned actor Marcus Schenkenberg has landed a role in the upcoming, fourth installment of the Terminator franchise. At this time, it has not been announced what role Schenkenberg will be playing, but there is some speculation that he will be playing the role of a Terminator cyborg. In related news, Rosie O’Donnell is really, really fat… oh, and she once ate a cyborg just to prove that she could. (EDITOR’S NOTE: Our newswriter is truly, madly, deeply infatuated with Rosie – this is also just a desperate cry for her attention)
That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.
(Compiled by J. Allen)
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