Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

• According to inside sources, three of the main characters in the upcoming film The Watchmen are about to be cast.  The Watchmen, based on the best selling graphic novel, tells the story about a world where superheros exist, but many have been forced to give up the mantle. Headlining the cast will be Jude Law as the smartest man on Earth, Ozymandias, and Keanu Reeves as the all powerful Doctor Manhattan.  With the pending singing of Reeves, the writers have been working furiously to dumb down Doctor Manhattan’s dialog and add in more instances of the exclamation “whoa.”

• Over the weekend, perpetually-tipsy American Idol judge Paula Abdul allegedly broke her nose in a fall. However, despite the injuries, Abdul is not expected to miss any of her American Idol duties. In a statement released to the press, Abdul noted that she “I… umm… just tripped. Over my Chihuahua.  I’m so clumsy.  I really should just be more careful.  Oh, and I don’t think I’ll question Simon’s sexuality anymore.”

• Angelina Jolie has announced that she will be taking a year off from acting to focus on her personal life with Brad Pitt and their children. In a statement to the press, Jolie stated, “acting is just such hard work. I mean, I have to get up, everyday, and work. Sometimes I even have to shoot two scenes in the same day. How am I supposed to care for my 45 children when I have to wait in my trailer all day until my stand-in finishes getting everything ready for me to say my lines?”

That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

##

Comments: None