Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

• Apparently not everyone is happy with the new Spider-Man film. Peter Parker’s transformation into an emo-kid has upset emo-kid and Fall Out Boy bassist Pete Wentz. After hearing that people were comparing the darker portrayal of Parker with his own image, Wentz immediately locked himself in a room and cried while writing really emotional/crappy poetry to describe how hurt he was inside.

• Actor Gerard Butler has joined the cast of the upcoming prequel to Brian De Palma’s classic mobster movie, The Untouchables.  Butler, who is coming off a strong role as King Leonidas in the hit film 300, will be staring alongside Nicholas Cage, who will play the infamous Al Capone.  Butler accepted the role in the film despite the fact that he will be required to wear suits that hide his abs.  In related news, numerous horny women across the country have started a petition drive to require Butler’s character to wear only a loin-cloth.

• Rapper and comic book fan David Banner has auditioned for a role in the upcoming Batman Begins sequel, The Dark Knight.  Banner, who is trying to break into the world of acting, read for the part of a villain named Gamble.  In casting Banner, Warner Brothers hopes to capture the coveted demographic of 15 – 24-year-old, suburban, middle class, white males who wear baggy pants and have their oversized hats slightly askew.

• And finally, CW has announced its Fall Schedule and a couple of high profile shows did not make the cut.  Due to declining ratings, the cult hit Veronica Mars has been cancelled to make way for new shows.  According to network sources, the new shows will be “mainly stolen ideas from other networks and whatever successful European show hasn’t been re-done… and that NBC, ABC, CBS and FOX haven’t already taken.”

That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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