Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

• Fall Out Boy’s Pete Wentz has gathered some of his buddies to open a new club in New York City. Wentz will be opening his club, Angels & Kings, next week. The “high concept” club will allow patrons to fully immerse themselves in the Pete Wentz experience by applying mascara, hopping into a booth built for one, wishing they were loved by someone and pretending that they’re punk.

• In music news, The Raconteurs are in the studio recording a new album. The band, fronted by Jack White and three other guys that are not Jack White, has 12 songs already written for the album. White said that while he maintains his role in both the Raconteurs and The White Stripes, all this work will force him to cut back on banging hot chicks and his planned drug/alcohol induced meltdowns.

• It has been announced that the upcoming Simpsons movie will feature a scene that has full frontal nudity of 10-year old boy Bart Simpson.  When asked to comment about the scene, the creators claimed that they only did it to entice the elusive pedophile demographic “back out to theaters since Harry Potter is too old now.”  Michael Jackson is also said to be very excited to see the film.

• In continued Simpsons news, Universal Studios is set to unveil a new ride based on the popular cartoon. The attraction will be a motion simulator that takes riders on a tour through the fictional Simpson hometown of Springfield. Amusement Park aficionados are excited by the news but have also cautioned that the ride “just isn’t as good as it was 10 years ago.”

That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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