Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

• American Idol judge Simon Cowell has come under fire for what many people are saying was a showing of disrespect towards the tragedy in Virginia.  While contestant Chris Richardson expressed his sorrow over the incident, Cowell was shown rolling his eyes.  Cowell claims that he was reacting to something else, and not the comments by Richardson.  Oddly enough, no one said anything when Cowell said of Sanjaya’s performance “Wow, you blew us away.  It was like snuck up behind us while we were watching the play Our American Cousin and shot us in the back of the head. What? Too soon?”

• Actor Rip Torn has pleaded guilty to driving under the influence after he was involved in an accident in December.  Torn, who has been in such hit movies as the Men In Black films and Freddy Got Fingered, was required to pay $380 in fines and give up his license for 90 days.  Torn released a statement thanking the court for not sending him to prison where his name would have “become adjectives to describe his anus.”

• Organizers of a cruise line that caters to gay and lesbian families has canceled a planned stop in Bermuda for fear of protests on the tropical island.  The cruise, which was founded by corpulent lesbian Rosie O’Donnell, will instead make stops in Florida and other islands.  Insiders are saying that the real reason residents of Bermuda are protesting is that they fear with O’Donnell’s expansive girth, she may in fact sink the island or eat a large part of the island’s population.

• British pop-music import Lily Allen has cancelled her American tour, leaving only festivals on her tour schedule. Allen says the reason for the cancellations is due to her concern for putting on a good show. The fourteen people who bought tickets for her American shows will receive a full refund.

That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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