Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

• Tom Cruise has signed on to star in director Bryan Singer’s untitled WW2 movie. While little is known about the plot of the movie, Singer did reveal that it is based on a true story.  Cruise will play a soldier who brain washes a hot actress, forces her to bear his child, and locks her in the basement in order to appease the great Lord Xenu.  Filming is slated to begin next year.

• Both CDs released by the super-group Traveling Wilburys will be re-released after more than 10 years out of print. To celebrate the re-release of the albums, the band is planning a reunion tour that will begin as soon as they can exhume the bodies of band members Roy Orbison, George Harrison and Bob Dylan.

• Hilary Duff has come out to the press, saying that she felt pressure to loose weight.  The 19-year-old singer and actress says that seeing reports on her weight in tabloids led to the feelings that she was getting too fat.  We here at QSE News want to applaud Miss Duff for finally bringing this issue to the forefront.  In related news, Thunder-Thighs Duff has recently been cast as Rosie O’Donnell in a new bio-pic.

• Charles Harrelson, the father of actor Woody Harrelson, has died of a heart attack.  The elder Harrelson was in jail at the time of his death, serving two consecutive life sentences in a federal prison.  Representatives for Woody Harrelson wanted to stress that his father was in jail for murder and not for being responsible for the birth of Woody.

That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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