Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

• The Smashing Pumpkins will be performing at the Virgin Festival in Toronto. It remains unconfirmed who exactly makes up the Smashing Pumpkins as, currently, the only two members are Billy Corgan and Jimmy Chamberlin. Some promoters feel that the band could have issues rounding out the line-up because, as one unidentified source stated, “it’s hard to find musicians who are capable of putting up with large amounts of [EXPLETIVE DELETED] from a little, bald control freak.”

• Tragedy struck the set of the new TV show Lipstick Jungle as the show’s star, Brooke Shields, became locked in her trailer.  Apparently Miss Shields became stuck in the trailer when she failed to realize she had to turn the knob and pull on the door for it to open.  Shields blamed the incident on her post partum depression.

• Uma Thurmon and her boyfriend Andre Balazs have split up. Reports from the couple say the split is amicable but was forced when Balazs saw My Super Ex-Girlfriend.

• In a historic moment, the TV game show Jeopardy ended in a three way tie. All three answered the Final Jeopardy question which was “A gigantic tool” with the correct answer of “Who is Alex Trebek.”

That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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