Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

• While R. Kelly is getting ready to release his next album, Double Up, he is offering fans a chance to get an early listen by calling a number set up to preview some of the new songs. When callers dial the number they will be greeted by a prompt that asks them to press one for new songs and press two if they’d like R. Kelly to come to their house and pee on them.

• Actress Tori Spelling gave birth to a baby boy on Tuesday.  Both mother and baby, which weighed in at 6 pounds, 6 ounces, are said to be doing well.  The birth itself went off without a complication, except for when the baby burst through Spelling’s stomach and attacked the hospital staff.

• Part-time actress and full-time hottie, Angelina Jolie, has apparently adopted another child, bringing her total number of children to four.  When asked why she was adopting the three-year old Vietnamese boy, Jolie responded that she had just purchased “a really nice rug and some drapes and the other children just don’t go with it.”

• Michael Lohan, the estranged father of actress/alcoholic Lindsay Lohan, has been released from a Buffalo prison after serving almost two years for attempted assault and driving while intoxicated.  Lohan says that he has changed his ways and hopes to reconcile with his daughter.  “I have a lot to teach her,” said Lohan. “Like what not to do to attract the cops attention while she’s driving home drunk.  I think I can really help her there.”

That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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