We begin today with a quotation:
My ashes, as the phoenix, may bring forth
A bird that will revenge upon you all:
And in that hope I throw mine eyes to heaven,
Scorning whate’er you can afflict me with.
3 Henry VI (1.4.35-8)
For those who need a little more context this essentially says, “Ha-Ha.”
Not just a Nelson “Ha-Ha†but a hearty Bob and Doug McKenzie, blow a couple of bullets from your nose, kind of “Ha-Ha.â€
I normally don’t take too much satisfaction in pointing out the demise of a periodical that I bought on a consistent basis and enjoyed the hell out of for simply the level of respect given to the medium.
I can’t stand, and if you’ve digested the various magazines devoted to movie making and the business of film you know where I’m coming from, when pundits who have too much time and too readily an access to a thesaurus want to appear to have the linguistic arsenal to deconstruct a movie while championing obsequious movies that neither you nor I will ever the time, or temperament, to watch.
But, really, I have a bad case of schadenfreude and it filled me with utter delight to see that Premiere magazine is no longer printing any more issues.
Sure, this story would be different if certain things never happened but they did and there isn’t anything that can change that the very same man who wrote me this note is now in the unemployment line.
Dear Mr. Stipp:As the editor in chief of Premiere, I was completely unaware of any conversations you may have had with Jessica Letkemann. Our Trailer Stash online feature grew out of Tom Roston’s “Notes From The Dream Factory” column in Premiere’s Jan/Feb 2007 issue about movie trailers. The editorial department thought it would be a good idea to extend the concept to premiere.com, and so Trailer Stash was born. As a former freelancer, I sympathize with how you feel, but I can assure you that none of us on the magazine side of Premiere had any idea that you were doing this sort of column or that you had talked to premiere.com about it.
I hope we can work together in the future.
All the best,
Peter Herbst
Editor-in-Chief, Premiere
But, in the end, even a legal boilerplate response to my inquiries as to why I believed something so lame like a trailer column could be boosted like a pack of Chicklets in a 7-11 wouldn’t prevent the progress of karma.
It is, however, a hollow victory because, like I mentioned, I actually bought the magazine. I loved the balance it struck between film criticism and puffy journalism; I mean, really, a Day In The Life of an Extra? I’m not pointing fingers as to what could have went wrong for these fine, upstanding people but any story that wants to sing a swan song for the little engine that couldn’t only need to look over their shoulder and see how magazines like Empire in the UK are managing to increase their market share while evolving with their audience.
In fact, one of the contributing issues about why this once mighty mag has taken it on the chin is its inability to adapt to the marketplace. I know, for some, the talk of how to monetize a property is about as exciting as watching an episode of The Simple Life but take a look at one publication, Advertising Age, had to say about the harbingers of doom that led to this moment:
Premiere’s paid circulation has declined slowly over the years, from an average of 616,089 in 1995 to 492,498 in the second half of last year, according to Harrington Associates and the Audit Bureau of Circulations. Even more ominous, Premiere sold 24.7% fewer ad pages in 2006 than it did the year before, according to the Publishers Information Bureau.
I know, as a salesperson, having to go out and hustle ad space isn’t easy, especially when you can’t show an advertiser a return-on-investment figure that would make it appealing to them to open up their checkbook. They never really messed with the formula that got them to where they would eventually die on their feet and, I would posit, that’s exactly what’s wrong with traditional “old media” types nowadays.
You can’t just expect for people to be satiated with getting all their awesome, super cool information in a monthly digest. It’s simply not as relevant as the Internet, certainly not as fast, and that’s what’s killing me when I see geezers think that to stay true to what worked in the past will always work in the future. Premiere had no significant web presence in the way of exclusive material, no outreach online to other web entities, a site that looked like it was crafted by a 2nd year computer science major and a shocking disdain to incorporate any of these things as a last ditch effort to save what was left of their publishing shell.
Since I’m not the one walking to Premiere’s HQ with a stogie in my mouth, walking into a well-lit office, surrounded by neophyte sycophants who tell me that every idea is a great idea I can’t say what was going on in the last throes of this magazine’s life. I do know, though, that stubbornness to take an excellent brand that most would kill for to the next level is appalling and, in the end, they self-destructed their print publication with the kind of panache that’s usually reserved for the “thump-thump” of a fast moving squirrel that’s eaten by the underside of some Firestones that are strapped onto an H3. For that, huzzah, good fellows, you’ve done well in not figuring out how to stay afloat and viable.
It’s hard for me not to care about the great pieces that came out of Premiere’s camp but it’s easy, real easy, not to just a laugh a little on the inside based on the buckets of vitriol I have for the poor way they choose to do business. They would do well in seeing this as a new opportunity and a chance to embrace the ways to be inventive on the Internet, without cribbing too much from those who have been here longer and possess a little more class.
KNOCKED UP (2007)
Director: Judd Apatow
Cast: Katherine Heigl, Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd, Leslie Mann, Jason Segel
Release: June 1, 2007
Synopsis: Allison Scott (Heigl) is an up-and-coming entertainment journalist whose 24-year-old life is on the fast track. But it gets seriously derailed when a drunken one-nighter with slacker Ben Stone (Rogen) results in an unwanted pregnancy. Faced with the prospect of going it alone or getting to know the baby’s father, Allison decides to give the lovable doof a chance.
An overgrown kid who has no desire to settle down, Ben learns that he has a big decision to make with his kid’s mom-to-be: will he hit the road or stay in the picture? Courting a woman you’ve just Knocked Up, however, proves to be a little difficult when the two try their hands at dating. As they discover more about one another, it becomes painfully obvious that they’re not the soul mates they’d hoped they might be.
View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)
Prognosis: Negative; I Am Not Drinking The Populist Kool-Aid On This. This could either be an unmitigated disaster or this could be the one comedy you could actually con your old lady into seeing.
One of the biggest issues, though, I had with this trailer is that by the end of this thing you’re not quite sure of whether this is going to be filled with the same raucous and raunchy comedy we all came to know and love from THE 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN or if this is going to be VIRGIN-lite; however, I’m feeling it’s more of the latter.
The opening of this trailer is mediocre and kind of vanilla. I’m not so much taking contention with the pacing, we’re whisked right into Katherine Heigl’s place in this movie, we’re led to believe that Allison (or Alison with one “L†as IMDB and the trailer seem a bit conflicted about what was written on her fictitious birth certificate) is some homely PA who is getting her chance to be in front of the camera. Before we have any other idea of who the hell this chick is or why we should try and comprehend what’s going on we go over to the much more interesting Ben character who is knocking out some homey into a dank pool and getting his swerve on as a pathetic looking bachelor with no future. Harold Ramis’ presence doesn’t really provide anything more than just extra context with the idea that Ben is a gimp with no prospects in life.
This is where we all can see everything that’s about to happen and, thus, rendering the first fifteen or so minutes of this movie essentially pointless; David Mamet had some things to say about filmmaking where you could walk into a film way after it’s started and still get what’s going on and it wasn’t complimentary. 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN excelled because right from the word “go†Carell was inordinately interesting and pathetic. Let’s hope that the same is the case here.
What’s more alarming is that the moment we get to sample from the film where we’re given an extended scene is where Ben’s friend hits on Allison’s friend who happens to be married. It’s excruciating because you’re expecting something funny to come out of this, obviously it was put there for a reason, but the big “pay-off†just hangs there like a stale fart.
“Eight Weeks Laterâ€
And this is still not funny! Everything that’s come out of Ben’s mouth isn’t amusing, his one-night-stand turned impregnated lady isn’t interesting, and this whole set-up is taking way too long. I actually suffer from the shakes in the sheer terror that this flick is going to be a turkey, that it’s not as quick with the funny as its predecessor.
It’s not until we get ¾’s of the way through things where I wish I had a CUT AND PASTE option for myself. It’s here, only here, where we actually begin not to laugh but to actually feel like we’re given an actual movie to be sold on. I don’t why in God’s sacred name we’re given a Traveling Wilburys ditty, it’s kind of disconcerting in an Odd Choice sort of way, but Seth’s actions from this point actually pump life into what could-be for this movie. Treating his girlfriend’s children like pets when he plays with them? Funny. Paul Rudd’s distillation of what marriage is actually like? A little fetid with all that we know marriage is not but it’s still amusing. Katherine’s meltdown in the delivery room? Um, I think we all agree that we’ve seen this before and it was funny the first few dozen times we’ve been exposed to the joke.
“…And how grown-ups are born.â€
And the Voice-Over Guy? Completely cheesy in every way and acts like a harbinger of how un-VIRGIN this movie looks like it’s going to be. Buyer beware.
Director: Peter Berg
Cast: Jamie Foxx, Chris Cooper, Jennifer Garner, Jason Bateman, Jeremy Piven, Danny Huston, Richard Jenkins
Release: April 20, 2007
Synopsis: Foxx stars as whip-smart FBI Special Agent Ronald Fleury, who has just received the assignment of his career: assemble an elite team (played by Jennifer Garner, Chris Cooper and Jason Bateman) and go to Riyadh to hunt down and capture the terrorist mastermind behind a deadly attack on Americans working in Saudi Arabia. The feds have only one week to infiltrate and cripple a cell bent on jihad to western society.
No training could prepare Fleury and his team for the disorienting culture shock they face once inside this scorching foreign land–a byzantine maze of profiteering politicians and storefront terrorists. Bound by handlers who refuse to play ball with the U.S., the agents quickly find the local law enforcement more hindrance than help and soon grow uncertain of anybody’s allegiance.
But when a sympathetic Saudi police captain helps them navigate Riyadh politics and investigate the true cause of the attack, Fleury finds an unexpected comrade-in-arms. In their lightning fast attempt to crack the case, the partners’ search leads them straight to the killers’ front door. Now in a fight for their own lives, two teams on opposite sides of the war on terror won’t stop until justice is found in The Kingdom.
View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)
Prognosis: Positive. Don’t be fooled, Americans, THE KINGDOM was filmed right here in Phoenix.
I find this bit amusing and I can’t figure out why. There have been other locations that have doubled as something else but the fact that they’ve passing off the Middle East for a freeway I travel almost every day just makes me laugh a lit on the inside. For a little bit of realism, check this out and let the truth run free.
We open up to people playing a rousing game of softball as we’re told it’s the Western Housing Compound, Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. Again, it’s not. It’s Arizona. In fact, a lot of these places look oddly familiar to me.
So, as a whole lot of people are playing the game we get some gunshots and then even a drive-by mixing things up, and I think you could easily mistake this red herring for an assassination as I think it was done to probably to help the visitors feel like they were back in LA. Anyway, they go with the whole assassin thing, detonating a large explosive device, it’s a pretty sweet looking explosion too, done in broad daylight so you can really make out the grey plumes and orange punch of flame, and we get a really awkward exchange between Jamie Foxx and his on-screen kid. The young’n says he’s not one of the bad guys and the kid retorts that he isn’t either. Ok, so what? Were we to assume that Foxx is some kind of lethal dude but it’s OK to help kill other people so long as your sanctioned by the Gub-Ment of the US of A? The message is a but muddled there.
Props for the trailer just quickly whipping through the introductions of Jason Bateman (Good for him getting so much more work), Jennifer Garner and Chris Cooper; we’re given a taste and that’s all that’s needed at this point.
“It’s a bit like Mars.†This is a line that Cooper has as we’re into the thick of this murder investigation that’s being headed by these government employees when he describes what it’s like in Saudi Arabia and all I have to say is wow. He not only nailed SA but AZ as well; you do not even realize.
Things kick up an even greater notch as we get that instrumental music, a lot of drums banging and the tempo is just like an accelerator pedal pushed down to the floor, with expediency being the order of the day here. It seems that there is a lot of politicking here, let’s hope this doesn’t become another solid, but real slow on the action, SYRIANA which could happen. The one saving grace is that Peter Berg is behind the wheel so there is some hope here.
We get more music, more action here and there, and the next thing you know we’re back in Arizona with these guys driving on my freeway; sorry, it just takes me completely out of the moment. However, I am really digging on where we’re going. It seems this Cat and Mouse movie wants to live up to the idea of moving forward and being smart about it as well. You just sense it. Even as we get a shoulder fired RPG, coming out of a wicked attack scene, I am completely on board for this ride.
Oh yeah, a car flips over near the very end of this thing. I think I passed that mile marker a few times last week on my way back from work in Scottsdale.
Director: Chris Rock
Cast: Chris Rock, Kerry Washington, Gina Torres, Steve Buscemi
Release: March 16, 2007
Synopsis: I THINK I LOVE MY WIFE, written, directed by and starring Chris Rock, is a sophisticated comedy about marriage and the lure of a new love. Nikki (Kerry Washington) is the exciting free spirit who makes Richard’s (Chris Rock) daydreams come true while Richard’s wife Brenda (Gina Torres) is so preoccupied with her own career and raising their two children that she has little time for her husband.
View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)
Prognosis: Awful. At the beginning I’m on-board for all the usual trappings of a comedy; somehow, sometimes, I wonder if there is just any other way to open a 1st person movie without having to resort to Voiceover Guy or narration from our protagonist. Que sera sera.
So, we get Rock explaining how awesome his life is. He chats up his wife of seven years. This actually helps us kind of understand what this movie is going to explore. The woman isn’t a shrew, isn’t looking to rip his wang off at any opportunity and doesn’t seem like the kind of gal looking to cuckold him. So, what’s the big reveal?
They’re bored with each other.
So, how do we proceed from here? It’s disconcerting that the trailer makers go to En Vogue’s old-school “My Lovin’†as it kind of feels like it was done for ethic and not esthetic sakes. I guess turnabout is still fair play but, people, the song is really old and I’ve taken contention with this trick on more than one occasion. However, we press on with the idea of how to make a 7-year itch go away without it seeming like a stupid, vapid insult to our collective intelligence.
We take two steps back with the trailer when Rock proposes to buy his wife some suggestive undergarments only for her to grab the granny panties in typical form. Simple question, if his marriage was so awesome then why did he say it was at the beginning if his wife doesn’t want anything to do with sex? It’s rhetorical but logistically valid I think considering how everything starts.
Now, Rock meets an old friend in the process of purchasing the panties in question and the friend not only is still hot but flashes him a nice smile and her soon-to-be-purchased see-through thongs. No, nothing could come out of that, right?
Right. Rock asks us all, like we’re in the pitch meeting with him, What would it be like to be single again? (Gasps everywhere) The problem with this question and, consequently, this trailer is that we switch allegiances. Not a good thing if you want me to follow what you’re saying.
At first Rock seems like he’s the protagonist with the problem that needs working out, he’s living in a pressure cooker of a life that seems long gone from his days as a bachelor, but then he becomes the possible cheater, thereby, switching any good will we have for him and his family to his wife who, possibly, shows her love throughout the film. This ancillary storyline about this past friend fucking up the works with her hotness and flirtiness just serves to confuse. And if you don’t believe this theory just listen to the slow soul soundtrack that plays behind his wife as she’s near tears wondering where in hell her husband is at and tell me there isn’t something happening.
The premise seems like almost perfunctory to the larger issue of what to do about staleness in a marriage. That you can’t look and fantasize about other ladies seems to be, somewhat, at the crux of this but it’s all very scattered and, I posit, the message is lost somewhere in this trailer.
Director: Steven Soderbergh
Cast: George Clooney, Matt Damon, Brad Pitt, Ellen Barkin, Al Pacino, Casey Affleck, Scott Caan, Don Cheadle, Andy Garcia, Elliott Gould, Bernie Mac, Carl Reiner
Release: June 13, 2007
Synopsis: In the new sequel to Ocean’s Eleven and Ocean’s Twelve, the cast is reunited with director Steven Soderbergh and producer Jerry Weintraub. Joining the cast for the new adventure are Al Pacino and Ellen Barkin.
View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)
Prognosis: Love It. I absolutely hate it, and I realize that in an era where Hitler exterminated millions of people in the name of his own insanity that hate is strong word not to be used flippantly, but I hate it when I have to endure a long, wordy, opening for a trailer.
It doesn’t help me understand the movie, I feel it’s lazy and self-indulgent of the trailer makers to do it and I am loathe to even try and figure out what in the hell I’m listening to when I don’t understand the context.
I love this long, wordy opening.
Since I’m familiar with this OCEAN’S franchise, as are a lot of you, we kind of all “get†what Pacino, who looks back to form in some regard here, is saying as we open on a large, sweeping vista of Vegas (Best city in the world for Boozin’ and Losin’, IMHO), is saying as he describes the kind of hurt he wants to put on Danny Ocean and crew. We don’t need to know much but because we know he’s talking to Clooney and because we all know what kind of a rabbit turd OCEANS 12 was so we know it couldn’t get worse than that I am willing to say that Clooney really shines as well with his witty retort back to Al.
Now, since this is teaser, the name of this game is time and I feel that the teaser takes a bit of a misstep when, in the scene following the first one, we have George kind of hint at what this job is going to be as Brad Pitt gives his one of his own “O†faces.
I do like, however, the sweeping montage of disguises that our guys are going to don this time out. While it’s not riveting or engaging it certainly makes for a smile when you can see Don Cheadle as the closest thing I’ll see to a black Elvis this year.
I’m glad that Casey Affleck and Scott Caan are back for reasons that should be clear when you watch the first entry into the series; they are really the pivotal goofballs that make watching OCEAN’S 11 more than just a casual comedy. They’re weird, we’re not given a shred of back-story, yet they’re just amusing to look at.
The other thing that makes this teaser note-worthy is its ending with Andy Garcia. I didn’t know what to make of him standing in front of the mirror, looking all pimp, with Clooney asking if he’s ready, to do what we have no idea but who gives a fuck, and as soon as Garcia says he was born ready it is Clooney’s eye-rolling that seals the deal for me. It’s subtle, funny and makes me eager to see what this job will entail.
Comments: None
Leave a Reply |