Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

• Monday marked the 25th anniversary of the passing of legendary comedian John Belushi.  Belushi, who died of a drug overdose at the age of 33, was best known for his stint on Saturday Night Live, as well as the films Animal House and The Blues Brothers.  In related News, Monday also marked the 17th anniversary of… (please select appropriate joke):
  1) John’s brother, Jim Belushi, actually being a part of something newsworthy.
  2) John’s brother, Jim Belushi, actually being funny.
  3) The death of Jim Belushi’s acting career.

• According to front man Chris Martin, Coldplay has written a “brilliant” new song. This statement comes in contradiction to comments made by his wife, Gwyneth Paltrow , who said the song is “OK, but no where as important or as brilliant as my Oscar winning performance in Shakespeare in Love.”  Paltrow also added that she was disappointed to hear that her husband was talking to the media again without her permission.

• Jared Leto, actor and lead singer of 30 Seconds to Mars, was injured during a performance this past weekend. Leto broke his nose and sustained other injuries when he ran into the crowd while singing “The Kill.” Fortunately, Leto’s mascara – or “guy-liner,” as it’s better known in the emo scene – remained intact.

• Britney Spears has revealed herself as the Antichrist. While in rehab, Spears allegedly ran around the facility with the number 666 scribbled on her forehead shouting “I’m the Antichrist.” The only thing we here at QSE can add is… we totally [EXPLETIVE DELETED] knew it!

That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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