Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:
Jennifer Lopez and her husband Marc Anthony are reportedly looking into Scientology. Sources close to the couple report that Lopez has been looking for a religion that better suits her need for acting like a totally rotten and spoiled bitch. “Yeah,” the source said, “Jen has been really impressed how the religion has helped other Divas… like Cruise and Travolta.”
- Actor Sylvester Stalone was recently detained at a Sydney airport when officials found prohibited items in his luggage. While no official reports have been released, QSE News has learned that Stalone had “dangerous and potentially toxic” objects tucked into his carry on. The “dangerous” item was apparently, a pocket knife, and we are just assuming that the “toxic” object is an advanced DVD of Stalone’s film Rocky Balboa.
- Rapper Foxy Brown has been arrested for battery after an altercation with a New York beauty salon owner. According to reports, Brown spit on the owner when he asked Brown to leave his salon. Brown defended her actions saying that the owner was rude and called her “a talent-less, nappy ho.” Brown continued saying “no one gets away with calling her that.” We here at QSE News completely disagree… we’ve been getting away with calling her that for years.
- XM Satellite Radio Holdings Inc. and Sirius Satellite Radio are in negotiations to merge, a move that would combine the two companies into a single giant satellite radio provider. Along with combined assets, a merger between the two companies would guarantee at least 25 more Howard Stern channels and 100 other channels containing crap that no one listens to.
- A collection of original printings of John Steinbeck novels has sold at auction for over $200,000 – including a copy of “The Grapes of Wrath” which sold for $47,800. The news has polarized students and teachers with teachers being “tickled pink” and students “extremely [EXPLETIVE DELETED] pissed that they have to read this crap over the new one from Stephen King.â€
That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.
(Compiled by J. Allen)
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