Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

• First, the alternative rock group Arcade Fire will be headlining a show in a Canadian school cafeteria. When first approached, the band was hesitant to accept the show but quickly decided to do the gig when they found out it was pizza day.

• Eddie Murphy has won a Golden Globe for his role in the musical Dreamgirls. According to friends and family, Murphy celebrated by spending a nice quite evening out on the town with a transvestite.

• It looks as though TRL (which stands for Total Request Live) on MTV (which stands for Music Television) is nearing the end of its run and may soon be canceled. An MTV representative said “No one watches MTV for music. We haven’t shown a full music video since 1989. Today, shitty little 16-year-olds watch MTV to see other shitty little 16-year-olds treat each other like shit.”

• The Sci-Fi Network has announced that it has given the green light to a new Flash Gordon series to begin airing in July.  The series will be a contemporary re-telling of the classic comic strip and radio show.  To keep the spirit of the original series and movie, producers will keep the homoeroticism intact allowing for a whole new generation of boys to be sexually confused by bare-chested men wrestling over a spike pit.

That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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