Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

• Halle Berry, fresh off her role in the Oscar-baiting movie Things We Lost In the Fire, is pleading with fans to write letters to Fox Studio head, Tom Rothman, to “green light” a fourth X-Men film.  “Come on, people,” said Berry during an impromptu press conference.  “Momma needs a new pair shoes.  And a boat.  And another mansion.  And another car.  Oh, and another way to forget that I made Catwoman.”

• An unidentified man is doing well after being stung by a scorpion during a flight from Miami, Florida to Toronto, Canada.  Airline officials, who are still investigating how the scorpion got on the plane, were exceedingly grateful that Samuel L. Jackson was there to “get those mother [EXPLETIVE DELETED] scorpions off of their mother [EXPLETIVE DELETED] plane.”

• In a bit of sad news, actress Yvonne De Carlo has passed away.  De Carlo, best known as the vampiric Lilly Munster from the TV show The Munsters, was 84.  While many people are mourning De Carlo’s passing, true fans are holding out hope that De Carlo will return as coroners confirmed that “a wooden stake through the heart” was not the cause of death.

• Tragedy struck Hollywood today as hundred’s of stars awoke at the crack of noon to find that the lavish “swag bags” they receive at various awards shows will not be given out this year.  One tearful star was heard to lament, “This is unbelievable!  They expect us to buy this stuff on our own? Yeah, right.  With what money?”

• Actor and political activist Richard Gere has traveled to India in hopes of spreading AIDS awareness.  Gere and Bollywood actress Bipasha Basu spoke to a crowd of 15,000 sex workers in India, telling them that they should all be practicing safe sex.  We here at QSE News applaud Mr. Gere for making this trip, especially after he discovered that in India, gerbils are used as food or pets and not anal stimuli.

That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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