Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

• ABC Television has announced that they have greenlit a TV series based on the movie Mr. & Mrs. Smith.  The new series will pick up six months after the events of the movie and will reportedly be darker and funnier than it’s movie predecessor.  With the series, ABC hopes to capture the same magic the movie had by putting an end to Jennifer Aniston’s current romance.

• Mike Tyson has joined the ever-growing list of celebrities who like to take a little drive after polishing off a fifth of Jack.  Tyson was nabbed outside of a Scottsdale, AZ nightclub after nearly hitting a sheriff’s cruiser.  When asked for comment on the arrest, ex-Tyson opponent Evander Hollyfield shouted “HUH?  WHAT??  YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO SPEAK UP!!  I CAN’T HEAR A SINGLE WORD YOU JUST SAID!”

• According to reports coming out of England, ex-Babyshambles singer Pete Doherty and paper-thin model Kate Moss may have tied the knot. While representatives of the couple have denied that the pair married, Quick Stop News has learned that an enormous, five-tiered wedding cake made out of cocaine and heroin was ordered by Doherty.

• California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger broke his leg over the weekend. Although the exact details are not known, early reports indicate that Schwarzenegger got his leg caught in a metal press while chasing Sarah and John Connor through an abandoned steel mill.

• And finally, in her continuing effort to ensure that her children later refer to her as “the reason we need therapy,” Britney Spears reportedly passed out at a New Year’s Eve party in Las Vegas. Punting rumors that she was drunk off her cootchie, her publicist says Britney was just tired and simply fell asleep. We here at QSE News stand by Britney as lord knows 12 shots of Jagermeister and two kamikazes always makes us sleepy too.

That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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