Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

• Jason Lee, of My Name is Earl fame, is set to produce and star in a comedy entitled Krater. The film follows a rock band as they bring on a new lead singer with hidden “oral talents,” and gain sudden popularity.  Lee maintains that his film is in no way a rip-off of Marky Mark’s, Rockstar, which was a film that followed a rock band that brought on a new singer after the original stopped hiding his “oral talents.”

• It appears that America has a new, favorite past time… suing Borat. Fresh on the heels of a judge’s ruling to dismiss a lawsuit against Borat’s creator, Sacha Baron Cohen, by two, adorably misogynistic/racist/homophobic frat boys, a South Carolina man has filed suit stating the comedian made fun of the man while he urinated in the men’s room of an upscale restaurant.   When asked for comment, Cohen stated “I don’t think this man has the balls to go through with this.”

• Proving that the apocalypse is, indeed, nearing, Paris Hilton has announced that she wants to have kids.  Surprisingly, the awkwardly sexual Paris is forgoing the traditional, celebrity method of conceiving children in the restroom of Hyde and has hired top scientists to genetically engineer a brand of “boutique children” small enough to fit nicely inside a Gucci shoulder bag. “It should be fairly easy,” said one scientist, “assuming we can get our hand’s on some of Tom Cruise’s seed.”

• In sad news, Ramon Escobar, programming chief of Spanish network Telemundo, will be stepping down on December 31.  I’m sure we here at QSE speak for everyone when we say “Nosotros nunca miramos realmente Telemundo, pero cuando hicimos, vimos alguna mierda loca. Gracias para programar muchas a mujeres con senos grandes y muy poco ropa.”

• The band Def Leppard is getting ready to record a new studio album, the band’s first disc of original music since 2002’s X. Singer Joe Elliott said the band is hoping to recapture the enormous fame it had in the 80’s by getting back to a grittier sound. “We saw the height of our popularity just after our drummer lost his arm. So to get back to that, we are going to amputate our bass player’s left leg.”

That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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