Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

• Comedy Central is set to air a new satirical cartoon named Lil’ Bush. The cartoon will follow a younger version of Bush and some of his friends as they make their way through elementary school. To keep the show as authentic as possible the show will remain on the air regardless of whether or not the majority of the United States population likes it.

• Ice Cube and Snoop Dogg are pairing up for a tour of Canada. All 14 Black people in Canada are reportedly “totally stoked.”

• Nerd’s rejoice!!  After months of speculation, it has been confirmed that director J.J. Abrams will helm a new Star Trek prequel movie scheduled to hit theaters in 2009.  When asked for comment, one fan, who was seen wearing pointy, prosthetic ears and peering at the outside world from a basement window in his parent’s home, proclaimed, in perfect Klingon, “Kluck ha gamog!!  Kluck ha gamog!!!”

• Metallica has written 25 songs for a new album. Commenting on the style of the new songs, drummer Lars Ulrich said “In my day we didn’t have these fancy recordin’ contraptions that they have now-a-days. We use to record using wax and a needle stolen from our mother’s wretching machine.”

• And finally, Mariah Carey is suing a porn star over the use of a similar name. Porn star Mary Carey responded to the suit saying “Oh yeah… You like that? Oh. Give it to me. Harder. Faster.  Yeah, that’s it.  You’re a dirty boy.”

That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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