Here are today’s top entertainment headlines:

• Executives at Nintendo are cautioning gamers about swinging their new, Wii wireless controllers as reports of extensive damage to personal property are popping up on the web.  When asked for comment, one executive stated, “We GROSSLY underestimated the over-developed wrists and forearms on these sexually repressed kids.  Seriously, they should think about stepping away from the game, getting out of the house and meeting ‘actual’ girls. Seriously.”

• In international news, David Beckham and Victoria Beckham have created quite a stir in England over their apparent split with prancing super couple Elton John and David Furnish.  I’m sure that we here at QSE News speak for all of America when we say, “who the hell is David and Victoria Beckham?”

• The nominations for this years Grammy’s have been announced, and leading the pack with eight nominations is R&B artist Mary J. Blige.  While most of the nominations were expected, the nomination of Clay Aiken for Best Female Performance was a complete surprise.

• Stephen King and Peter Straub’s outstanding collaboration The Talisman is in the production pipeline for a TNT mini-series. The original book, released in 1984, is about a boy who can travel between dimensions.  Staying true to form, executives at TNT have promised to make some “minor” changes to the story – like making the main character an 18-year-old, blonde, big-breasted woman and changing the “travel between dimensions” plotline to “traveling to Oakland for cheerleader tryouts.”

• And finally today, comedian Eddie Murphy is denying reports that he is the father of “Scary Spice” Melanie Brown’s unborn child.  Representatives for Murphy confirmed that the pair had dated in the past, but are no longer an item since Murphy found out that Brown is not a transvestite.

That’s all for today’s news, stay tuned to this channel for all the news that matters least but you still care about.

(Compiled by J. Allen)

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