Note bene: I just wanted to start off with a bit of a tease for next week. 2 nights ago I saw THE FOUNTAIN here in Tempe, Arizona. I don’t know how or why but I was additionally allowed 10 minutes with Darren Aronofsky the next morning at his hotel for a 1:1 right before he flew away. I’ll save all my comments until then but, suffice to say, THE FOUNTAIN has the ability to define what it is to live and what it is like to lose while breaking your heart with every frame that slips and glides by your eyes.
I’m keeping things real short this week because I really indulged in some storytelling last week as I replayed the events that led up to my appearance in this month’s Moving Pictures magazine. Did you all run out to get it? It’s got a picture of Lucy Liu on the cover so you can purchase it just for her if you want a real reason to get a magazine. I know there are a lot of people who could go either way with Lucy but color me a fan of hers just for that mouse-y pose she struck in CHARLIE’S ANGELS II for Sir John Cleese. Yummy.
Also, I wanted to do two things before sending you people on your collective way this weekend:
1. Go vote this Tuesday. A lot has been made of the apathy that so plagues this generation and I can’t say I don’t agree with how far down we are as a collective voting body on the list of people who actually give a fuck what happens to us as a nation but, please, for the love of all that’s holy, take some time on the way home from work, Lord knows many of us actually have jobs to tend to, and pull that lever. Or punch some chads or, as we do here in God’s country, Arizona, we’ve got to color in arrows. Yeah, we do, I’m not kidding. Democrat or Republican, show those buttheads who think that the Internet is made of tubes, courtesy of Ted Stevens (R-Alaska), and that Internet service providers deserve to charge you more for access based on a promise that tele-co’s would upgrade slow-ass copper wire with fiber optic lines, and have now since reneged on, that you don’t appreciate the liars that are in there now; you want liars in there of your own choosing.
2. Big ups to my man Rich N. who solicited me for a donation recently. Called the St. Baldrick’s Foundation this organizaion gives money to CureSearch National Childhood Cancer Foundation and it is dedicated to raising funds for childhood cancer research. Coming from a family with a fireman I always enjoy helping other first-responders whenever possible and, being a mick myself, I have a soft spot for anything that comes close to being affiliated with St. Patrick’s Day. Rich emailed a few people looking for donations as one of the goals for this charity results in not only money going to a good cause but the person drumming up the support and dinero has to shave their head when it’s all done. So, it was with a hearty laugh that I whipped out my AmEx and tossed a few bucks his way if for the delight and amusement of getting a photo weeks later with the attachment labeled “Rich_Shaved.jpg.” I admit that attachment scared me a bit with a name like that but here Rich is, bald and lovin’ life. I don’t speak New York-ian very well but I can say that’s “week’id ha-d-core.”
…SO GOES THE NATION (2006)
Director: James D. Stern, Adam Del Deo
Cast: Paul Begala, Mary Beth Cahill, Thomas (Tad) Devine, Terry McAuliffe, Matthew Dowd
Release: October 4, 2006 (Limited)
Synopsis: A documentary that examines America’s tumultuous electoral process through the eyes of diverse politicians, activists, and voters. The 2004 presidential election between George W. Bush and John Kerry provides the stage, showing how the voting public is manipulated by both parties’ leaders and their political marketing machines.
View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)
Prognosis: Just vote, you assholes. I mean, a lot of you out there don’t care you’re being cornholed by your elected officials but show a little spine, would ya please? Kinda yeah, kinda nah.
One of the most important things about having to sway people to see your movie is that when the intended audience are jamokes like me, who have zero clue about your feature, you’ve got to hook me within the first ten seconds or I start to wonder why I’m looking at boring trailers and I’m off to find free porn.
This trailer has some unique angles to work around but it’s hard to get over how exquisite the computer graphics are in the opening sequences, the Katie Couric’s voiceover letting me know that Ohio is too close to call, as does Wolf Blitzer, as the contentious topics of debate for the 2004 election scroll over the screen. That hooked me. I can get what’s going on and I feel fairly engaged as a casual onlooker.
But then I’m deflated like a hot balloon that’s been put in the freezer.
“We’ve got truth on our side.â€
We get some digital video about how awesome it is that so many people came out and volunteered to come help the campaign of Kerry/Edwards. Of course, we all know how that went and I think we linger way too long on this lost cause that has been beaten like a dead whale in every sort of public forum. Yet, we’ve got the star of MY SCIENCE PROJECT, Fischer Stevens, crazy eyed Steve Buscemi, star of THE KARATE KID III, Hilary Swank, all to tell me what I already knew a couple years ago.
Yes, Michael Moore, if the majority of Americans did show up at the polls George W. Bush WOULD have been punted like a pigskin from the White House but, as you know, we didn’t do what a lot of blowhards said would happen this time.
“In the last 42 years, only two democrats have won the presidential election. Why?â€
We’re halfway through this thing and NOW you want to pique my interest? You see it’s a little late to be saying the one sentence that grabs me by my eyeballs. And, worse yet, we linger far too long with getting to the point which is this: the Kerry/Edwards campaign weren’t as nearly as organized as Bush/Cheney with regard to planning and execution.
That’s it.
The campaigns of these two dudes were so diametrically opposed that it was Bush’s angle at getting people to vote for him, while Kerry tried to sway those who would be swayed instead of being methodical not emotional in their attack, that ultimately led to Kerry’s demise as a contender; and we great talking heads to tell us again and again, in this trailer, to tell us this fact.
So why do I need to see this movie in the theaters? And, to tell you the honest truth, there just isn’t one here. You’ve told me everything I need to ostensibly know about this movie and I am just as well to just wait until video in order for this flick to tell me why democrats lost an election to the republicans.
Director: Lisa Addario, Joe Syracuse
Cast: CJeff Bridges, Shia LaBeouf, Zooey Deschanel, James Woods, Jane Krakowski, Jon Heder, Mario Cantone, Brian Benben, Michael McKeana
Release: June 8, 2007
Synopsis: This animated mockumentary, based on the revelation that surfing was actually invented by penguins, will take audiences behind the scenes of the exciting Penguin World Surfing Championship.
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Prognosis: Positive. I don’t care if this movie turns out to be a piece of SHARK TALE crap this is a solid trailer for a kids movie that I would want to see on my own.
It’s hard to deny the fact, the pure essential truth, that when you pitch a kids movie studio opens its wallet to a point because they know they can nearly be guaranteed of a certain amount because of the dearth of flicks in the marketplace. This explains a lot of scum in the marketplace and why straight-to-DVD “sequel†Disney flicks like BAMBI and LION KING do so damn well. This would even explain why a TOY STORY 3, no matter how shitty if Disney made it without Pixar, would’ve yielded a certain percentage just because of its cache with its youthful fan base. This movie, though, gets kudos from me because the makers could’ve slapped a milquetoast trailer on this thing and released it unto the world.
Instead, we get a thoughtful, creative trailer that some people put effort into with an eye towards really creating a voice. You can he-haw all you like but I appreciate having to stop for a moment and figure out what’s happening; this kind of risk is lost on a lot of people but penguins and surfing? What the fuck? Exactly.
“As soon as there was the first wave…there was the first surfer.â€
The image of a penguin on a surfboard, etched like glyphs on a long deserted cave wall, papyrus and even a Japanese block print, first caught my cynical nature and I nearly dismissed what was happening. The voiceover is not ironic when it takes the lore of surfing and applies it to the animal kingdom, penguins, and if this wasn’t so absurd I would’ve dismissed that too.
The voiceovers feel so genuine as “old footage†of penguin pioneers in surfing, the piano suite twinkling in the background doing a superb job of keeping the conceit perfectly believable, and I actually had a great laugh as one enterprising penguin in archival black and white crashes his hybrid surfboard into a reef, the pieces scattering everywhere with the penguin’s fate in serious question.
“He lived so hard because he wasn’t afraid to live…he wasn’t afraid to dieâ€
Big Z, the ostensible focus of this voiceover’s, this particular penguin’s, life seems to be the alpha surfer who we follow for a bit in this pseudo-docu trailer and I dare you to scoff at the clip where Z takes on a few story tall wave; it’s hard to tell where the animation starts and where photo-realism ends. It’s a wonderful blend to behold. We see how the young penguin who we’re going to be following was influenced and it’s as good of a backstory that most movies ever give us.
And then, blickety-bam, rock n’ roll is infused to this trailer, Red Hot Chili Peppers-like, and we see this little penguin just riding a wave in the same kind of cinematic blend that just shows how you don’t need to splash freakish amounts of color, a la SHARK TALE, MADAGASCAR, etc., to catch the attention of people who would otherwise pay to see your movie.
Finally, a reason to look forward to seeing a movie with the kids.
Director: Irwin Winkler
Cast: Samuel Jackson, Jessica Biel, Curtis “50 Cent†Jackson, Brian Presleyr
Release: December 15, 2006
Synopsis: The story of four American soldiers nearing the end of their tours of duty in Iraq. Shortly after learning their unit will soon return home, they are sent on one final humanitarian mission to bring medical supplies to a remote Iraqi village. The unit is ambushed and takes heavy losses. The surviving troops suffer both physical and psychological injuries.
View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)
Prognosis: You had me at hello and then you cheated on me. For those who may or may not know, I am a fan of Frontline on PBS.
I am not one to dwell, like some, on The History Channel where I can see Allied forces tear apart Nazis or pick apart issues that drove us as a nation into the Vietnam War. Just doesn’t hold my interest. Now, put these issues into a context that informs the here and now, something that I can get a handle on, and you’ve got my undivided attention. That said, I am innately interested, by default, for movies that want to render fictional moments against the backdrop of recent history. WORLD TRADE CENTER? Maudlin. UNITED 93? Moving. The key here is being unique with everything that goes into a production. The former wanted to Ron Howard things and the latter wanted to be honest. This movie, though, seems like it wants to be a little BLACK HAWK DOWN with a dash of COURAGE UNDER FIRE. Not a bad combo but the trailer is really solid.
I like, I really like, that we open with the establishment of location “70 miles south of Baghdad†and a haunting score that succinctly sets the tone for the kind of ominous portent of what’s to come. I enjoy the moment so much that I damn well ignore Fiddy Cenn’s presence. True, we might as well be hit with an obvious brick in the nuts when Jessica Biel and Co. start talking about going home, everyone else making plans about what they’re going to do when they get there but that’s forgivable when the second obvious brick finishes off my testes when a dude riding in a convoy essentially says he’s got a bad feeling about this; I’m just hopeful there is going to be a wicked firefight and that Fiddley Sent catches an RPG to the chest.
And just like that we get a bottleneck that is reminiscent of CLEAR AND PRESENT DANGER, although, to be fair, CLEAR was a little more dramatic than what seems to happen here. I mean, really, one rocket and it’s over? One? And to top it, Fliddy makes it through.
We don’t dwell, thankfully, on the fight, it’s not extended, and I’m impressed because this movie could have easily been sold on the conflict but we really get right into the thrust of the film’s center: the aftermath of war and what it does to people on the inside. And then, I’m dropped emotionally like a $2 hooker when we get Dave Matthews’ “The Space Between.â€
Huh?
The music doesn’t really jive with the posttraumatic stress disorder angle that could’ve easily been more crafted rather than the pop effluence that is the undeniable stylings of Mr. Matthews being pumped like a spewing artery through my speakers. I can see where there is some promise of how these people all react to being in the line of fire and having to live with the things they went through in Iraq, violent behavior and despondency being great examples, but I feel that a lot of slo-mo hugging and disingenuous smiling that ends this trailer just smacks of Ron Howard-ness that doomed WORLD TRADE CENTER to mediocrity.
If Flippy Cien-t commits suicide, a very real product of this war that Frontline explored in honest detail, I might be inclined to actually pay to see this.
Director: Zack Snyder
Cast: Gerard Butler, Lena Headey, David Wenham, Vincent Regan, Rodrigo Santoro
Release: March 9, 2007
Synopsis: Based on the epic graphic novel by Frank Miller, 300 is a ferocious retelling of the ancient Battle of Thermopylae in which King Leonidas (Gerard Butler) and 300 Spartans fought to the death against Xerxes and his massive Persian army. Facing insurmountable odds, their valor and sacrifice inspire all of Greece to unite.
View Trailer:
* Large (QuickTime)
Prognosis: This’ll put hair on your chest…And balls. What an absolute coup.
You think to yourself that while you rocked the party hard with your re-imagining of DAWN OF THE DEAD you need to curry even more favor with the hopelessly virginal dweebs who don’t really know what to make of a work that, while sharply written, needs to attract a big chunk of audience and create a big buzz. Solution?
You bring a teaser trailer to Comic-Con that absolutely explodes with bombastic noise and testosterone, death, war, screaming, yelling and bare boobs that swish and sway in slow-motion. And then proceed to show it a few times within the time allotted to you.
Score.
Now, while the hooters are gone, did you really think they’d let them be unfurled unto the world in all their womanly glory, this trailer gnashes on silt and dirt while calling it sustenance; and, while it’s at it, it would like to start a fight with your mom.
There isn’t much in the way of a voiceover to couch what you’re seeing in the opening images, soldiers slowly falling off a sharp precipice, a kid squaring off a wolf that looks like it could be a hellspawn demon dog of Gozer from GHOSTBUSTERS and a randy looking monarch of some kind on his stately throne, but that’s alright. I’m being roped in and this is the way to do it.
“This…is…Sparta!â€
I’m a Gerard Butler fan. Eff his work on DRACULA 2000, that wretched junk heap of a film, his talent really bled through the screen in DEAR FRANKIE. Here, as well, his charisma as a leading man demands your respect with the stoic bravado that mires so many other movies that have dudes reciting monologues that seem spoken just for the sake of speaking them in that manly intonation, your eyes rolling backward in its disingenuousness. No, here, his threats, his weapon at the ready, and that kick which just knocks down that fool in a well that Borat would well reserve for some Jews just lights a fire in me. It’s effective.
“Then we will fight in the shade.â€
What’s more is the Nine Inch Nails suite that accompanies the other unrelated sequences here; it really captures the spirit of the movie in a way, I would posit, that trumps a lot of other “cast of thousands†productions. Things feel dirty, messy. The way they should be.
You can’t expect to try and wrangle the ladies in with this trailer and it’s really bold, and refreshing, to see a campaign just slice out that 50% of the potential audience and just represent the movie’s hard edge without regard to any superfluous romance or foo-foo hook to be everything to everyone.
Splendid.
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