…So there I was, reading my fancy-schmancy Supergirl Archives, when I stumble across that panel up there in the provocatively titled “The Day Supergirl Revealed Herself!” (Action Comics #265, June 1960), and all I can think to myself is, “That is SO Mort!!” Mort, as in Weisinger, the demented mastermind behind a decade plus of the Superman Family’s most fertile, successful, but nonetheless peculiar period. And it’s panels like this that make statements like that hard to argue with…

Let’s just forget about the larger Supergirl story involved here, okay? For the purposes of our discussion, just know that the Jerry Siegel penned script has an amnesiac Girl of Steel – in an adopted civilian identity – wandering into Smallville’s Superboy Museum. That’s where she encounters this bit of young Kal-El’s self-portraiture in one of editor Weisinger’s typical trademark throwaway vignettes. Mort liked to sprinkle his tales with small scenes like this to help illustrate for readers exactly what it would be like to be gifted with all the amazing abilities author Jerry and partner Joe dreamt up for their Kryptonian kreation several decades earlier.

And just what would Mort have his mighty champion DO with his mighty powers? Well, how about seek out the world’s biggest diamond – JUST SO THAT HE COULD CARVE A STATUE OF HIMSELF OUT OF IT!?! Forget about the world’s biggest diamond – apparently, we’re dealing with the world’s biggest EGO here!?! I mean, is this really the BEST way to utilize this incredibly enormous gem?? I wouldn’t think so, and neither, it would seem, did any of his comics biz contemporaries…

Julie Schwartz had the citizens of Central City erect a Flash Museum for their hometown hero, but the speedster wisely left the establishment’s acquisitions to the duly elected board and not to some way-out whims of his own. And Stan Lee? Well, his Fantastic Four had to wait until they hooked up with the blind step-daughter of one of their arch-est of enemies before they found someone interested in sculpting their likenesses. And as for Spider-Man? We all know how J. Jonah Jameson’s Daily Bugle treated the Web-spinner, don’t we? Spidey was hardly considered a diamond of ANY sort by the sour newspaper publisher, although when it came to “World’s Biggest”, JJJ may’ve had some thoughts on THAT, though I’d prefer not to print the less-than-complimentary categories he no doubt considered here. Use your imagination, true believers…

My point is, it’s absolutely ridiculous to think a true-blue hero like Superboy would ever indulge in such an excessive act of self-promotion as Mort had pictured in this perverse little panel. A super-villain might do something like this, you bet – but a good guy? Uh uh. Hard to swallow that notion coming from the white hats.

I mean, try and think about this in real life terms. Maybe some megalomaniacal dictator would fashion a massive statue of this sort as a misguided tribute to himself, but certainly not someone who works for the betterment of mankind. Nope. No way.

After all, what self-respecting role model would EVER stoop to promoting their image in such a blatantly crass manner, I ask you?

….oh…

Um, well, I guess you could say that while that’s generally the rule of thumb…

…I suppose THAT little theory loses out being a hundred per cent true by…

…er…

…a NOSE…

(or three…)

Hope you enjoyed this little flashback extracted from the October 2003 “Fred Sez” archives found over at Hembeck.com! All new excitement next week! Probably…

-Copyright 2006 Fred Hembeck

Comments: None