Where WAS she?

Where was Ellen Burstyn the other night during the Emmy Awards ceremonies? Unlike a majority of that evening’s nominees, she wasn’t in the audience, carefully preparing a spontaneous speech in her head in case she won, the way many of her peers undoubtedly were. No, the Oscar winning actress wasn’t anywhere to be found.

Gee, are we to assume Ellen WASN’T burstin’ with pride over scoring a nomination for a 14 second appearance in HBO’s Mrs Harris telefilm? That move–long and loudly ridiculed by many, including host Conan O’Brien (the only reason I tuned into a show I generally skip, by the way)–nonetheless stubbornly wasn’t rescinded by either the Emmy bigwigs nor graciously refused by the otherwise silent Ms. Burstyn herself, but I think there’s a bigger question here than an incompetent nominating process.

Such as, who exactly hires an Academy Award winning actress for their high profile project and then provides her with all of a scant 38 words to deliver? Huh? Who does something that screwy anyway?

The two leads–Annette Bening and Ben Kingsley–each own one of those golden little statues themselves, as chance might have it. Gee, ya don’t think that, maybe at the last minute, they got cold feet, afraid that one too many similarly honored thespians on set would somehow drain the spotlight from them, do ya?

“Hey, cut down Burstyn’s part, willya? Don’t even give her character a name–just tell her to use a funny accent. Keep the focus on us two–THAT’LL sure help our Emmy chances!”

Well, of course it didn’t.

And yeah, it woulda been one thing if Burstyn had herself an unannounced cameo, or was given the old “Special Appearance By” billing, but it’s my understanding (hey, I didn’t actually SEE the movie, although thanks to the cheeky Emmy broadcast Producers, I DID view most of the nominated performance–that sure was 14 transcendent seconds, lemme tell ya!…) that the cast list just rolled out alphabetically, with Ms. Burstyn’s role seemingly given the same amount of weight as performers who actually had to spend more time than a coffee break memorizing their lines! So, blame the Emmys if you must, but just remember–some genius hired this women, paid her good money, and THEN decided, y’know, 14 seconds is pretty much all we’re gonna need of HER!

And while I’m righteously whining about the awards, two more complaints:

How is it that My Name Is Earl didn’t manage to grab itself a slot in the final five selections of the Best Comedy category, but then when it came to naming Best Achievement in Comedy Writing and Best Achievement Comedy Directing, BOTH awards went to the pilot episode of Earl? What–was it all downhill after the series premiere, with the likes of Two and A Half Men easily outscoring it on the yock meter? (Look, I’ll confess to never having seen the latter, and to thoroughly enjoying the former, but it just makes no sense the way things played out in those three categories. I DO believe that, perhaps by blind luck alone, the funniest comedy–at least to MY taste–The Office, won. But Earl should’ve gotten a nomination nod, especially if the show’s writing and directing were seemingly held in such high esteem… )

Then there’s Desperate Housewives. A big winner last year, and a show I faithfully watch (hey, it all started with me because of Teri Hatcher, and things just developed from there), its sophomore season was almost entirely frozen out of ceremony. Now, I’m not amongst those who felt the quality dropped as precipitously as a lot of folk, though admittedly, the plot lines weren’t as well constructed as they were during the program’s debut season. And while I’ll always have a problem with shows like this one, Ally McBeal (which I’ve never watched), and Gilmore Girls (which I enjoy immensely) being measured up right alongside half hour sitcoms, I can begrudgingly understand it, considering the amount of effective comedic moments given to each of the lead actresses. But if there was one character who clearly WASN’T funny last season, it was new neighbor Alfre Woodward.

So who do you think gets nominated for Best Supporting Actress in a Comedy? Uh huh–the women who spent most of the year hiding her mentally challenged son chained in the basement, believing him (wrongly, as it turns out) responsible for a young woman’s death back in the town where they last lived! Sounds like a regular laugh riot, huh? Believe me, if anything, THAT was the plot primarily responsible for dragging the show down during its second season–so what do the Emmy Einsteins decide to do?

Yup–foist a nomination on the actress who embodied that downer storyline! (Nothing against Ms. Woodward herself, mind you, just the wrongheaded decision-making that gave her this unmerited salute. Her acting may’ve been swell, but trust me, she WASN’T funny–simply because the part wasn’t WRITTEN funny! No wacky antics in THAT cellar, I’m afraid! But considering Ms. Woodward was also nominated for her work in another movie or miniseries–my apologies, but the details are starting to blend together–apparently, she’s a reliably talented actress who’s also an Emmy favorite. Anyway, I’ve gotta give her SOME credit–she certainly had to work a heckuva lot harder than Ellen Burstyn did for the privilege of remaining comfortably in her seat not once, but twice, on Emmy evening!…)

Look, like I said, I only watched because Conan was hosting. If they had let–oh, I don’t know?–Tony Danza host, I probably wouldn’t be moaning about any of this now.

Except, of course, just HOW could they possibly they let Tony Danza host anyway?…

Speaking of which–check out Tony Danza.com! You might be surprised…

–Copyright 2006 Fred Hembeck

Comments: None