“You’re such a good boy, Sam. Such a smart boy.” My mother said this to me once. I was 27. No, I’m not kidding. And she meant it. And who am I to tell her any different? What, disappoint the woman who birthed me?! No, sir! I’d rather stick a red-hot javelin up my ass than let that woman down (six?). And yet, here I am, 29 and consumed by “goodness”. My struggle, nay, my greatest challenge as a first-time director is not going to be setting up shots or retaining the overall scope of the film, etc.. No, sir. My struggle is with THE UNBEARABLE URGE TO BE “GOOD”. 

I hold doors for people. People half a mile away from the building. It’s cool. I’ll wait. I’ll hold that door so long they have to do a little “jog” up so as not to make me wait any longer. Nothing could sway me from this display of chivalry. My slacks could be on fire. I’d wait. I wait so well, people feel like jerks for not having sprinted to the door. And that’s when I know I’m “good”: when my goodness makes people feel bad. But that’s cool. I swear that’s as close as I get to “bad”. I’ll venture over to the Dark Side ever once in a while. But, hot damn, wouldn’t it be awesome to be full-on “bad”. Why? Because:

THE BAD SEEDS HAVE IT LUCKY. When you’re a bad seed, nobody expects much of you. You can trash-talk, you can put your dirty shoes on the coffee table, you can ruin the vibe at a good party. People are ready for it. They say, “Well, you know how (bad seed’s name) is. We’re just lucky he doesn’t throw a flaming pile of crap at our door.”

No doubt, you Bad Seeds have it good. What’s more, because you’ve set the bar SO low, people are blown away with even the slightest attitude shift; you say “gesundheit” and they’re ready to name a childrens’ library after you. But not the “good people”. Heck no. Why? Because…

GOOD PEOPLE SUCK IN A BIG WAY. They only want your happiness. If you’re happy, they’re happy. They’re happy, in case you were wondering, because your not getting pissed at them. They get to avoid disagreements. AND YET, whenever I choose to avoid confrontation, it always, ALWAYS comes back to haunt me (and, man, I’m good at avoiding; I’ve gone to court several times for unpaid parking tickets. What happened?! Did I lose them? Did I forget about them? No. I simply pretended they didn’t exist… until they towed my car off. THEN they magically appeared.).

Case in point: this week, I realized I may have to replace a key crew member. Mostly because of scheduling concerns. He’s more than just a crew member, though. This guy’s one of my closest friends. I would stab people in the eye for this man. THAT close.
So we met for lunch. We talked about our “ladyfriends”. I blabbed on about weekend plans. I unpeeled the ketchup label on the counter. And then, when the conversation turned to work, I did as all “good people” do: I chickened out.

Brave Sir Robin Ran Away! Bravely Ran Away, Away!

I hemmed and hawed, I gazed out the window. I began listing all the other options except the one we both knew was inevitable; this guy was going to have to leave his post. One of my best friends. And I couldn’t even say, flat out, “this sucks, man. But the best thing for this film is that we part ways and promise to make another film somewhere down the line.” That’s the sensible thing. But NOOOOOOO. Instead, I remained entirely indirect; not the best trait for a “director”, wouldn’t you say?

GOODNESS IS A HARD HABIT TO BREAK, but I think it’s necessary for our film to survive. I’ve got to be able to set my “goodness” aside and DO MY JOB.

Honestly, If I’m clear about what the film needs, what the story needs, the urge to be good can take a back seat. My job is to serve the film in the best way possible. Not the filmmakers. And in the end if the film’s good, they’ll forgive me for venturing over to the Dark Side every once in a while.

“People are simply incapable of prolonged, sustained goodness.”
-Diane Frolov

 

-Sam Jaeger

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