I’m Sam Jaeger, and this brand-spankin’ new blog is dedicated to our film-in-the-works, “Take Me Home”. I’ll describe the film soon, but for now I want to focus on my list of promises to you all; a list of what you can expect in the coming months. So without further adieu, or ado, or add-you:

Promise #1: I PROMISE NOT TO WRITE ABOUT WIPING MY ASS. Pretty much as it reads. Your time is precious, as is mine. If I had more acclaim as an actor, more notoriety (such as Kevin Smith, or Angelina Jolie, or Hightower from the Police Academy Films), there would be more of an interest in me wiping my own ass. But I am no celebrity, despite my mother’s opinion, and so I will keep to more intriguing subject matter. (author’s note: said author is aware that the subject of wiping his ass has been mentioned three times already…now four, and would appreciate you not pointing this lapse out to him. He is, afterall, an actor. Actors are easily bruised.)

Promise #2: I PROMISE TO RESPECT YOU EVEN AFTER I’VE HAD MY WAY WITH YOU. My friends can attest to this, especially the ones I’ve slept with. My hope is that you’ll feel a part of this whole process… what it is that makes filmmaking such a confounding and remarkable phenomenon. It does no good to keep you out of the loop. We’re making an indie film on a very tight budget here. No Paramount Exec is going to come in and curb our discussions. The Department of Homeland Security is another matter.

Promise #3: I PROMISE TO EVENTUALLY SHUT UP. I’m not the only swabby on this deck, and I’d like you to hear some different perspectives on how this movie is coming along. In the coming weeks, you’ll be hearing from our producer Michael Hobert. A little insight: in addition to being our dutiful producer, Mike also plays Zach Braff’s intern “Lonny” on “Scrubs”. He’ll be popping in every once in a while to vent about all the crazy people he gets to deal with (the director being one of them).

Promise #4: I PROMISE NOT TO WASTE YOUR TIME. Only you can do that. But, if you DO decide to waste your time, we hope you’ll choose to waste it with us. Who knows? You may get inspired to make your own film, and not only waste your time, but your hard-earned money! Sound too good to be true?! READ ON! As of today, we are awaiting a sum of money from investors. If this falls through, we’re going to make this movie with, yes indeed, our own income! Great idea, yes? “Sure,” you might say, “but isn’t that what destroyed Charlie Chaplin?” Yes it was! And if we can be counted among such greats as Chaplin, well then, haven’t we succeeded in our own way?

Promise #5: I PROMISE TO EXAMINE AMERICA’S DELETERIOUS CONNECTION TO FILM AND THE REFUSAL TO ACCEPT ITS POST-ATOMIC SOCIAL EVOLUTION. Pretty much as it reads.

And finally,

Promise #6: I PROMISE NOT TO WRITE ABOUT PARIS HILTON. This is not a gossip blog, got that? There will no star-gazing here, Paris! Take your crook-necked gaze elsewhere! We’re too damn busy making a movie! (author’s note: author is aware that Paris Hilton has been mentioned twice…now three times, much like the subject of wiping his own ass [now five]. He appreciates your understanding in this matter.)

Coming soon: Just WHAT IS this movie about, anyway?

 

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