Why howdy, friends! Welcome back to another edition of Music for the Masses. . .where all the cool people hang. So I hear. And, of course, by “cool people” I am referring to all my “homies” (Good lord, I’ve been hanging out with Double A too much) who be hittin’ this years Comic Con in beautiful San Diego, California. . .home to a gorgeous, temperate climate, sun-kissed beaches and umm. . .the Padres. But you know what I love most about San Diego? It’s just minutes north of Tijuana, Mexico. . .home of the “donkey show,” illicit underage drinking and the $5, back-alley hand job. In fact, that famous sign adorning the highways of southern California is actually a picture of a man, running from his wife and kid after she found out he went to Tijuana for a good old-fashioned, Mescal-fueled worm burpin’. Bet you didn’t know that. 

Seriously, friends, I can’t wait to hit that convention floor with 180,000 of my closest friends. Good lord, I can almost smell it now. In fact, I’m so excited, I have already pre-planned my “attack,” and I have a loooong list of “must see” events. For instance, in the upstairs concourse restroom at Noon on Wednesday, I hope to catch the Star Wars “Crossing ‘Sabres” exhibit. . .

“You show me your blaster and I’ll show you mine.” 

Thursday morning there is a panel starring the main man himself, Darth Vader, that I ABSOLUTELY will not miss. According to the description, Vader is going to be covering topics ranging from conquering your own universe, crushing the throats of your underlings without really even trying and, most importantly, how to become the “Emperor’s favorite.” Here’s a hint: it takes an iron fist. . .and, apparently, an accommodating mouth. . .

 

“Watch your mouth, kid, or you’ll find yourself floating home!”

However, I am most looking forward to the once-in-a-lifetime event that drops Friday night. In fact, this is THE event, the payoff, if you will “Why?” you ask. “What could possibly be sooo cool to stand out amongst all the other cool things?” Simple. I plan on being front row for this guy when he hits the stage to sing hits like “Blue Suede Shoes,” “In the Ghetto” and “Caught in a Trap”. . .

 

Question: How did the “Kling” here end up with Michael Jackson’s nose?

. . .in fucking Klingon. Good stuff. And I’ll be honest with you, friends. . .if I catch the Klingon Elvis show, I can die happy. . .alone and without ever knowing the touch of a “real” woman, but happy.

So, as you can probably guess, I have some packing and additional planning to get done. As a result, we are going to keep it short this week with a couple of quick looks at some new releases from Muse and the solo disc from Radiohead’s Thom Yorke. And also, as a gift to you folks who can’t make it out to the convention this week, I have compiled the official list of must-have, Comic-related songs so you can play along at home. What do you say, huh? Let’s get to it!!

Artist: Muse Album: Black Holes and Revelations Bastard Love Child of: Radiohead and Queen. Best for: Discovering your own, personal muse. I found mine sitting at the end of a bar wearing a tube top, some acid-wash jeans and a “hicky.”

Black Holes and Revelations, huh? Here’s a revelation for ya’. . .before I picked up this album, completely at random, I had never heard of Muse. Not one song. Didn’t even know what type of music they played. Sure, I could have checked them out on any number of on-line music services, but where’s the excitement in that? I prefer to grab the bull by the balls. . .with my teeth, so to speak. But hey, that’s what I’m here for, people. . .to take bullets for you. Luckily, I didn’t have to on this album because it kicks ass. In fact, I have to say, I’m all over Muse like bad tattoos on Travis Barker.

Seriously, I dig the hell out of this disc. Each and every song stands out from the last and each is driven perfectly by the powerful voice of lead singer Matthew Bellamy. For instance, on the first single, the electronica-heavy “Supermassive Black Holes,” Bellamy hits notes that a pair of properly descended testicles just can’t produce. Then, just to prove that statement wrong, Bellamy drops into a throaty, Jeff Buckley impersonation on “Take a Bow.” Sneaky bastard.

The disc features a ton of electronic elements and quirky instrumention, all handled admirably by Bellamy, drummer Dominic Howard and bassist Chris Wolstenhome, but don’t get the wrong idea here. This is not an electronica album (see below). In fact, even though that first single reminds me of a shopping trip to Abercrombie & Fitch (the roomy shorts allow “the boys” a nice bit of breathing room, thank you very much), the album is largely guitar driven with that one track designed, with tongue firmly in check, to freak the shit out of long time fans. No other track on the disc is remotely like it.

If you are looking for an experimental, yet highly listenable and enjoyable album that will run the gamut from moody Depeche Mode (“Map of the Problematique”) to Bends-era Radiohead (“Soldiers Poem”) to classic Queen (“Knights of Cydonia”), check this one out. Top shelf, folks.

Rating: 4 out of 5

Artist: Thom Yorke Album: The Eraser Bastard Love Child of: Kid A and David Gray. Best for: Realizing that Thom should stick to using his computer STRICTLY for it’s intended purpose. . .surfing porn.

The Eraser sounds like what Radiohead would sound like if they didn’t use guitars…Wait a minute. . .Never mind.

We might as well get this out of the way now. . .if you grab this disc thinking that you’re getting a new opus from Radiohead, HOLY SHIT are you in for a surprise. I’m talking a big surprise here, on par with opening a present from your grandma where you’re expecting to find the usual $5 check, but all she did was just shit in the box. Man, did my 7th birthday suck! Nope. The Eraser is not Radiohead. What The Eraser is is glitchy, scratchy, moody, EXTREMELY low-key electronica. Plain and simple. Think David Gray by way of Syd Barrett (RIP, baby).

However, that being said, fans of the band can take solace in the fact that some things never change. For instance, Yorke is still reed thin. . .like Kate Moss with a dick. Seriously. Same bra size and everything. He’s also as anxiety-ridden and morose as ever, coming across as a man that has resigned himself to being married. . .err, I mean, miserable. Sorry, Freudian slip. And the scary thing here is that he actually seems to be enjoying the hell out of it. Oh, and lyrically? Typical Thom. If you can make sense out of them, well. . .you did too much acid in college. Personally? Understood them perfectly.

Right from the get-go, The Eraser grabs you and whisks you to an “Alice in Wonderland”- type place where everyone has glow-sticks and drinks a lot of water. Many of the songs (especially the stand out tracks “Black Swan” and “And It Rained All Night”) on the short, little disc (9 tracks, 41 minutes) deal with crumbling relationships and loss, with the two, notable exception being “Atoms For Peace” which decries the “many lies” of the war in Iraq and “The Clock,” which addresses the threat of global warming. I know what you’re thinking, people, and the answer is yes, this album should TOTALLY be a part of your next party mix.

As challenging as The Eraser is, it is an enjoyable album, just not in your classic, toe-tapping, sing-along, verse/chorus/verse sense.   This is a mood piece, pure and simple. If you dig the mood (THINK:  the title track to Kid A), you will enjoy this disc a ton. Otherwise, I’d recommend you skip this puppy.

Rating:  3.5 out of 5

THE SONGS OF COMIC CON. . .

 

Putting the final nail in the coffin of that whole “Is Aquaman gay?” thing. . .

 In honor of my first Comic Con, I thought it would be fun to compile a list of my favorite superhero-related tunes. And, of course, by “fun” I mean provide you with a list of songs to openly mock and deride. Now, keep in mind, friends, this is by no means a complete list and for the sake of fairness, I took Elfman and Williams out of the running. I also excluded Queen’s “Flash” because. . .well, it has nothing to do with a fucking superhero. Science fiction, sure. . .but that’s a whole other list, Paco. Look. . .we can argue about it later, OK?  So, with all that in mind, I present to you the Music for the Masses Top 10 Superhero-Releated Song list:

1. Wonder Boy – Tenacious D. . .anytime the “D” is involved. . .they get the number one spot.  “What powers?” you ask.  “I don’t know. . .how ‘bout the power of flight.   That do anything for you?”
2. Ironman – Black Sabbath. . .“Now the time is here for Ironman to spread fear.”  Pretty sure this song has nothing to do with Tony Stark, but what the hell. . .Sabbath takes the “number 2” spot.
3. Resignation Superman – Big Head Todd and the Monsters. . .A rocking song from an underated guitarist and an excellent band.  Plus, he’s called Big Head and that makes me giggle.
4. Superman’s Song – Crash Test Dummies. . .I always liked the Crash Test Dummies, although I will freely admit that they walk a fine line between “cool” and “annoying as hell.”
5. Spiderman – The Ramones. . .You know why I love the Ramones?   Their songs remind me of sex. . .fast, furious and usually over in under 2 minutes.  This is their version of the original, Saturday morning cartoon theme.  Good stuff.
6. Particle Man – They Might Be Giants. . .Along with a brand new stereo, Flood was the first CD I ever purchased (Before that, it was ALL cassettes).  Thank you, Student Loans!!
7. Greatest American Hero – Joey Scarbury. . .Yeah, I’m sure you’re thinking that I’m a total fruit for putting this song in the list, but I’ll bet you money that if you’re over 30. . .you know EVERY fucking word.
8. Kryptonite – 3 Doors Down. . .Again, throwing this pop/rock song on the list is probably making your sack pucker, but screw it.  It’s a catchy song and guess what. . .it’s about Superman.
9. Ice Cream Man – Van Halen. . .Okay. . .I think I just jumped the shark here. . .
10. Stop Talking About Comic Books or I’ll Kill You – Ookla the Mok. . .A funny as hell song by a band named after a character on Thundarr the Barbarian.  What more do you need?

Honorable mention:  Save Me – Remy Zero. . .The song that plays over the title sequence in Smallville.  Sure, this song kinda breaks my own rules, but it reminds me of Kristen Kruek and THAT is good thing.

There you have it, folks, and please note that NO WHERE on that list is Bonnie Tyler’s “Holding Out For A Hero.” You’re welcome. Now, by no means do I think this is a complete list and I’m sure some of you out there could add a few. So please, feel free to drop me a line at the email below and let me know what I missed.

Well, friends, the fun meter is pegged and it is time for me to bid adieu. But, before I go, in all seriousness, I really am looking forward to the festivities out San Diego. I think it’s going to be a kick in the ass and as far as the panels/events that I will ACTUALLY be attending, they are, in no particular order:

-Battlestar Galactica panel
-Kevin Smith
-Brisco County Jr. panel
-Adult Swim 2 for 1  
-Saturday TV Funhouse with Triumph
-A couple of the IDW Publishing panels
-Richard Kelly’s Southland Tales
-And, of course, Snakes on a Mother Fucking Plane.
 

By no means is this a complete list, but definitely the things that caught my eye the first time through the schedule.

So, until next time, friends, keep wearing it proud and playing it loud.

Send your Comic Con pictures, review copies, presents and assorted hate mail to:

M.C. Bell
P.O. Box 1222
Arvada, CO 80001

Feel free to email me at mark.bell@mci.com!

What a coincidence. . .she looks like Leia. . .I look like Jabba.

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