Hello again, friends and. . .umm, Pearl Jam fans.  Long time, no see!  I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that you had little snippets of that Streisand/Diamond song running through your head. . .”You don’t bring me flowers, you don’t sing me love songs.”  Yeah, sorry about that, but I gotta tell you, the move to the new site was a bitch.  The trucking company got lost, the china hutch was scratched and those damn movers dropped a couple of my Humel’s.  But hey. . .all minor inconveniences because check out this place!  What do you think of the classy, new digs, huh?  Pretty damn “shi-shi,” don’t you think?  Of course, I’m going to have to ask you to leave your shoes at the door, remember to flush and for the love of all that is holy, keep your grubby mitts to yourself.  You break it, you buy it.

So, now that we have THAT out of the way, the new powers that be here at the ‘Shoo. . .er, ‘Stop, felt that a re-introduction might be in order.  So bear with me as I tell you a little bit about myself.  For starters, my name is M.C. and I’m an ex-radio DJ living in Colorado, or, as people on the coasts like to call it, “one of those fucking red states.”  I’ve been told that I have the attention span of a retard in a room full of rubber balls (Love you, mom!!!) and I like to write about music.  Why do I like to write about music?”  Easy.  I do it for the children. . . like these little whipper-snappers. . .

That’s odd. . . I thought dogs buried bones in the yard.

Sweet enough to give you cavities, huh?

My “turn-on’s” include finger puppets, “ass-play,” progressive metal, Brazilian “fart” porn, the Beatles, amputees, the “Manchester sound” and Spiderman Underoos ®.  Turn off’s are line dancing, “creative” facial hair, Clay Aiken, the name “Dave,” anything with pork in it, bukaki, message board music snobs and bands named Coulier.  Oh yeah, and I’m a Virgo. . .but please don’t hold that against me.  I just haven’t found the right girl, yet.

 

Just so we’re clear. . .THIS is the right girl.

For fun, I play beer league hockey, the guitar and “with myself.”  I have an extensive comics collection and I’ve seen “Raiders of the Lost Ark” 23 times. . .3 of those times, I was what the “squares” like to call “sober.” My secondary goal, (the main being, of course, to become a Mormon prophet), is to inform you of some new releases, from bands both big and small, in a slightly different, and  unconventional way. . .umm, in case you haven’t figured that out yet.  In other words, don’t you be comin’ into ma’ house an’ expectin’ yo’ mamma’s reviews.  *SNAP!!*  Unh unh!

Oh yeah, and if I say something about a band you like that offends you?  Relax.  We’re here to have fun and don’t forget that these are just my opinions.  And you know what they say about opinions, don’t you?  That’s right. . .they’re like assholes.  This is my asshole.  Enjoy it, but go slow.  My safety word is “Banana.”

So, friends, both new and old, what do you say?  Ready to jump back in?  Fantastic!  We have a couple of new discs for you to check out below, one reviewed by yours truly and the other is from a new, regular, co-contributer climbing on board, A.A. (yes, like the support group).  Double A will be handling the world of rap. . .whoops!. . .I mean, hip hop, mostly to give the kids something to read, and any menial chores that I can dream up.  For instance, I was just noticing today that my toe nails are getting AWFULLY long.  Basically, you can consider him the “Choda Boy” to my “Orgazmo.”  Good Stuff.

 

We are also going to shoot for making this a weekly column, but I gotta be honest with you.  There’s a better chance of Ellen going straight, so we’ll see.

But enough about all that.  You folks ready?  Good. . .let’s check out some “newish” releases.

 

Artist: Guster Album: Ganging Up On The Sun  Bastard Love Child of: World Party and the Beach Boys  Best for: Doing keg laps and drinking from a “beer bong” at the Tri-Delt mixer.

 

Guster:  Backstage in preparation for their “Puppetry of the Penis” audition.

If you would have come up to me a few years ago and told me that you had a “cool band with two acoustic guitars and a bongo” for me to check out,  I would have told you to “lay off the pot, you patchouli-smelling freak.”  Then I would have grabbed you by your dreads© and beaten the Patagonia® out of you with your own Birkenstock®.  However, if you quickly told me, in between swings, that the band you were referring to was Guster, I would have immediately picked you up, “dusted” you off as best I could and offered you a chai to quench your cotton-mouth and a clove cigarette.   I would have looked at you and said, with tears welling in my eyes, “Sorry, dirty hippy. . .I just assumed. . .”

Seriously, when I first heard of this band, from a buddy who used that very same “two dudes on acoustics and a guy with bongo’s” description, I was thinking to myself “You gotta be fucking kidding me” and thoughts of tie-dyed, hacky-sackin’ hula hoopers danced through my head.  “Kumbaya, muva’ sucka’!!!”  But my friend insisted that the band rocked, in a decidedly non-hippy way, and drug me, against my will, to see them at the Winter Park Music fest.  That was 6 years ago, friends, and I have been thanking him ever since because that one show blew my mind.  Guster’s live set that day was amazing and hilarious and their music was IMMEDIATELY accessible.  In fact, I have been a huge fan of them ever since and I will fully admit that I love this band.  And yes, smart ass, I would marry them. . .if I lived in Canada, but I don’t.  We’ve already covered that.

  

Of course, today, die hard fans will tell you that they hardly recognize the college band from Tufts who, more than a decade ago, first “wowed” fans by unleashing their quirky sense of humor and the Thunder God, Brian Rosenworcel, on unsuspecting audiences.  Good lord, friends, believe me when I tell you that this guy can beat the shit out of the skins. . .kinda like Yanni, only replace the word “skins” with “wife.”  However, each subsequent studio release, from Lost and Gone Forever, to the latest, Ganging Up On The Sun, has seen Brian beat it less with his hand and more with a stick as the bongo has been slowly replaced with an acoustic kit.  Hell, I can’t recall hearing a whole lot of bongo on the new disc.  Let me check again. . .wait a minute. . .there’s some hiding on the new disc’s second track, “Satelite.”  Tap, tap. . .tappity tap.

But as we have learned here at the site, change can be good, and in the case of the new disc, Ganging Up On The Sun, change is fantastic. . .especially when that “change” comes courtesy of multi-instrumentalist, co-producer and fourth, honorary band member, Joe Pisapiai.  Joe is one talented motha’. . .shut yo’ mouth!. . .and his impact on the band and their music has been both immediate and undeniable.  A few trips through the disc and it’s easy to discern that the melodies are more clean, the harmonies more rich, the arrangements more tight and the sound, overall, more memorable.  In fact, that is one of my favorite things about this disc. . .it rewards repeated listenings by giving you something new each time;  new hook here, a clever lyric there. . .a hint of bongo over there.
 

Highlights on this disc are the flat-out, sister-pumpin’, country rocker, “The Captain,” the straightforward, harmony-laced, first single, “One Man Wrecking Machine” and the epic-length “Ruby Falls.”  I will admit, the album grinds to a halt on the weak and weary “Empire State” (Track 9) and fails to regain any steam as the bands penchant for pig-blapping you with the mighty hook wanes.  But who really cares?  Bad Guster still trumps most of the crap out there today.  Good job, Guster, but next time. . .MORE BONGO!!!

Yanni says: “Buy Guster or you’ll make Yanni angry.  You wouldn’t like Yanni when he’s angry.”

Rating:  4 out of 5

AND NOW. . .A WORD FROM DOUBLE A. . .  

Artist: Ice Cube  Album: Laugh Now, Cry later  Bastard Love Child of: Loretta Lynn and Roy Orbison?  Best for: Pourin’ a little on the curb fo’ yo’ dead hommies.

 

What’s this?  Are your eyes deceiving you?  Could this be an actual review of a rap album?  While your eyes maybe playing tricks on you (yes, I know what you were doing before you clicked over here) this is an honest to Zeus hip hop review.  Are you ready?  Got your seat belt on?  You know, they have all those “Click It Or Ticket” things going on now.  So, here we go.

It’s been 6 years, and 9 movies, since Ice Cube released a full length album, and to be honest his last effort, War & Peace the Peace Album, wasn’t exactly what most people have come to expect from the world of Cube.  There were a few good tunes on the disc, but it really seemed that Mr. Cube had lost a step on the whole rap game.  Perhaps it was his role in Anaconda that messed him up for a bit.  I know when I wrestle with my giant snake every night I’m always left traumatized.

But now, with the release of Laugh Now, Cry Later, Ice Cube is once again good for something other than making a tasty beverage cool and refreshing.  The key to this album is a return to what made Ice Cube great in the first place.  Unapologetic, hard core gangster rap.  This album is probably not for the Ice Cube fans that most fondly remember him like this…

Or like this…

Ice, shaking hands with the President.
 

No, this is an album for the straight up rap fans.  Believe me, if your kid thought Ice Cube was funny in “Are We There Yet?” stay away from this album.  Well, I mean you could get it for your kid.  Just don’t get mad at me when your kid starts dropping “F” bombs like a Pearl Jam fan sending e-mails to MC.  But I digress…

Laugh Now, Cry Later is pretty tight from start to finish.  I would even go as far as to say it’s as tight as Queen Latifa’s wardrobe in her last movie, but I never saw it, so that would only be conjecture on my part.  The album starts off with the obligatory introduction and at times meanders through the even more obligatory “rap disc skit” but for the most part, every song on the disc is good.  From the first single “Why We Thugs” to the last song “Holla @ Cha’ Boy,” there are really no fast forward songs on the disc.  The highlights of this album are the previously mentioned, anthem like “Why We Thugs” and “Doin’What It ‘Pose 2Do.”  Guest stars like Snoop Dog and Lil Jon only help things along.  The beats are good, the flows are tight (resisting urge to make another Queen Latifa joke, resisting…urge…) and overall this is a great album that is sure to get Ice Cube back to his rightful place near the top of the rap hierarchy.

Now for the bad business.  Listening through this album, one cant help but think of how far Ice Cube has come.  Back in the day of NWA and his album Lethal Injection listeners had the feeling that Ice Cube probably did the things that he was rapping about.  But with his recent movies, some of the lyrics on Laugh Now, Cry Later, just seem, well, laughable.  I’m not saying that they are hokey or anything, just that Ice Cube has lost a bit of his street cred over the years, and hearing lines about “busting gats” and all his baby mammas just don’t jive with the Ice Cube that we will certainly remember like this…

Rating:  4 out of 5 stars

LOOK, UP IN THE SKY!!!  IT’S A BIRD! A PLANE! A CONTEST!!!

“Easy, Miss.  I’ve got you.”

“You’ve got me?? Who’s got YOU!?

What better way to celebrate the re-launch of this site, than some free schwag, huh?  The fine folks at Rhino Records and CineMedia (Thanks, Beth!!) are offering up some copies, 5 to be exact, of the soundtrack to possibly the biggest movie to drop this summer that doesn’t have a pirate in it.  That’s right, friends. . .Supreman Returns.  Here is little description of this gem:

“The thrilling and dramatic score from Superman Returns, the highly anticipated film featuring the Man of Steel’s latest heroic adventure, arrives in stores June 27, with nearly an hour of music from award-winning composer John Ottman (Fantastic Four, X2). The score album will be enhanced with an exclusive video interview with the film’s director, Bryan Singer (X2: X-Men United, X-Men, The Usual Suspects), a featurette on the making of the score and two trailers for the film.

Recorded with a 97-piece orchestra led by conductor Damon Intrabartolo, SUPERMAN RETURNS: ORIGINAL MOTION PICTURE SCORE features Ottman’s epic score including his unique twists on themes that John Williams composed for the original 1978 film, such as the classic main theme, “Superman March.” Superman Returns stars newcomer Brandon Routh, Kate Bosworth, Parker Posey and Kevin Spacey. Released by Warner Bros. Pictures, the film will open nationwide on June 30.”

I honestly can’t tell you how cool it is to hear this disc kick off with Ottman’s take on William’s original score from the first movie.  Good stuff.  So, I’m sure you’re sitting there now, scratching your. . .umm, head, and wondering how you can win one of these.  Simple.  While cleaning up aged dog turds in your backyard, you happen upon, what you believe to be, a chunk of Kryptonite.  Send me an email with the subject, SUPERMAN, and tell me the color and what effect it has on Supes.  The 5 most creative entries win.  Pretty simple, huh?  Have fun with this one and good luck!!

Well, friends, that is going to do it for this week.  Hope you had fun!  Until next time, keep wearing it proud and playing it loud!

Send rubber balls, review copies, presents and assorted hate mail to:

M.C. Bell
P.O. Box 1222
Arvada, CO 80001

E-MAIL ME

Check us out at the Scoop News!

 

 

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