Director:Justin Lin
Cast: Lucas Black, Bow Wow, Nikki Griffin, Sung Kang, Nathalie Kelly, Brian Tee, Jason J. Tobin
Release: June 16, 2006
Synopsis: To avoid jail time, street racer Shaun Boswell is sent to live with his uncle in Tokyo. There he discovers drift racing. After losing a race to Yakuza-connected D.K., the Drift King, Shaun has to enter the Tokyo underworld to find a way to pay his debt.

Prognosis: Negative. Let me just on record just in case any of the following herein is construed as obsequious or muddled: there is a better chance I would be the next guy to appear on a viral video having my rear pumped by a thoroughbred than I would be to see this movie in the theater.

Now, that said, let’s have a little fun.

First, the opening. I won’t be harsh at all here and I’ll even give a major nod to the trailer makers here for crafting a real sense of what this movie will be about and who it’s directed toward. I realize I shouldn’t end my sentences with a preposition but a major misstep for many marketing companies for all kinds of movies out there miss not only their core demographic but other segments of the audience as well by trying to be all things to all people. There’s none of that B.S. here, friends. This movie opens with roaring engines; hot ladies in mini-skirts galloping in their high heels because we all know that only the hottest of the hot from the XX population like to frequent drag races; highly neoned Honda civics, or Peugeots I can’t really tell; and, lookie here, a view of a woman’s butt, leaving over an engine. You then have the MC of the drag race, a Western-looking John Cho, asking some more good-looking ladies (why wasn’t I told that I should’ve been seeking out illegal drag races when I was a blossoming young man) if they’re ready. Oh yeah, they’re ready all right.

And we’re off.

The cars peel out and instead of the common drag race on asphalt we’ve got dudes drag racing in a parking structure. As a 30 year-old dude I didn’t know until right now that you could do that or that it’s pervasive enough to make a movie out of it. And it’s here that Lil’ Bow Wow, or is it Big Dawg now that he’s a little older, says that if you, “ain’t out of cont’ro you ain’t in cont’ro.”

Interesting. Besides the Jedi grammar-speak I see some Mercedes take out one of these hoopties with Bow-Wow asking us if we still need a dictionary. Nope, Bow. That dude wasn’t in cont’ro. Got it.

We then figure out we’re in Tokyo. Although, the voice over only says “on the other side of the world.” I don’t know about you but considering American students’ ability to not even be able to pick out their own state on the map I am thinking an INDIANA JONES style graphic, with a green neon line (that’d be pimp, right?) shooting from Vin Diesel’s manse straight over to Tokyo; it’d be nice and would do much good in helping our public school hopefuls.

Here we get our Paul Walker stand-in, looking fresh off the boat of Ford Modeling Company, who we’re told is on the other side of the law. Ooo…he’s dangerous, ladies, plus he’s…dangerously good-looking. Looking like he’s doing his best Blue Steel pose is ready to rock Asia like no man has done before.

The montage of cars, women, street fights (in which our protagonist will get his ass kicked but not hard enough that it would leave any mark on his face), clubs and more women is enough to make any male youth anxious. And I am a real fan of this “hero” for keeping it real by racing an old P.O.S. while everyone else has state of the art vehicles.

Director: Robert Altman
Cast: Woody Harrelson, Tommy Lee Jones, Garrison Keillor, Kevin Kline, Lindsay Lohan, Virginia Madsen, Jonathan Mankuta, Matthew Modine, John C. Reilly, Maya Rudolph, Tim Russell, Geoff Schilz, Sue Scott, Meryl Streep, Lily Tomlin, Jim Westcott, Linda Williams, Robin Williams
Release: June 9, 2006
Synopsis: A look at what goes on backstage during the last broadcast of America’s most celebrated radio show, where singing cowboys Dusty and Lefty, a country music siren (Streep), and a host of others hold court.

Prognosis: Very Positive…It suprised even this Garrison hater. To any person looking to boost my car you now have this clue: I’m the guy with the NPR sticker on his back window.

True, being an NPR addict means getting a lot of quizzical looks from people when you ask them if they heard a story or two on Morning Edition. I’m not a snob, mind you, but I just figured people would know, for better or worse, about the PBS that’s made for the short wave. Part of my love for all things public radio means that I have to live with the fact that I would like to see Garrison Keillor kneecapped at the earliest possible opportunity.

I’ve got no love for the land of Woe-Be-Gone and it’s all attributable to Keilllor’s intonations and vocal style; it borders on abusive, really, with the way he sort of lip smacks and draws slowly from his throat. I know he thinks he’s making great radio for the masses but unless you’re collecting social security or are eligible to get a cup of coffee at IHOP at a discounted rate on Tuesdays then you’re only really reaching a segment of potential audience share. Thus, here comes Robert Altman.

SHORT CUTS. I watched that, I believe, the week after watching BOTTLE ROCKET when it first came out on VHS. I’ve been a fan of Altman and I think, honestly, the two of them together here could make a movie that even I would want to go see.

The trailer, I am happy to report, does stoke the kind of feelings I thought I would never have for Keillor’s work. Thanks to Meryl Streep and Lily Tomlin’s antics at the Oscars I am even more bolstered by what could-be for this movie.

I wasn’t too giddy by the sight of Garrison’s visage at the outset of this movie’s trailer. His droopy features and get-off-of-my-lawn vibe in full screen frames the opening sequence as my blood pressure constricts in fear that this is how it’s going to be. Thankfully, we move quickly away from the stage, and Garrison.

The stock in this movie only rises a touch when the first celeb we peep is Lindsay Lohan; she’s not terribly distracting as Lily Tomlin steps in and shoots the first volley across the comedic bow.

“I’ll Give You My Moonshine If You Show Me Your Juggs”

Meryl shows us that she can be forgiven for SHE-DEVIL and in this multiple character piece, which I can’t figure out of whether it’s period or contemporary, it amazes me how Woody Harrelson can be funny even if he’s just delivering a couple of lines; he can be a comedic talent if given the right opportunity and I know I can’t be the only fan of Billy in WHITE MEN CAN’T JUMP.

It’s not so much a definitive feeling that this is going to be a funny movie as it is just a lot of good signs pointing towards it but I am dismayed by Lohan’s wasted looking sway as she’s getting down on stage with her other musical cohorts in a song; I don’t know from what bottom bin sale she was found but her real-life persona is threatening to break the 4th wall of separation and for a movie like this it could be life imitating art imitating life imitating an anemic looking basket case who likes to flash her nipples at car shows.

And since I’m not going to let Lohan’s appearance besmirch the production on the whole I am pleased at what’s presented here. You’ve got the master of multiple storylines here to support a movie that would’ve been dead in the water for me had it been anyone else behind the lens. I might actually make my way to see this movie based on this trailer.

Director: Scott Marshall
Cast: Jami Gertz, Daryl Hannah, Garry Marshall, Jeremy Piven, Doris Roberts
Release: May 12, 2006
Synopsis: After attending a neighbor’s over the top Bar Mitzvah celebration, high-powered Hollywood agent Adam Fiedler, played by Jeremy Piven (“Old School”, HBO’s “Entourage”) is determined to pull out all the stops, and have the most extravagant celebration ever seen, for his shy, insecure son Benjamin.

Prognosis: Not even if they were serving gefilte fish. Where do they get these jaunty, smiley musical intros?

I half expect to see businessmen, dressed in their brown suits, lined up the delicately manicured streets of Nowhere, USA, donning fedoras as they all simultaneously cut the lawn. I do expect, though, to be tossed a movie that is not really steeped in any heady context, an unplug-your-mind kind of comedy.

What’s nice, though, right to begin with, is that Piven is in a fatherly role and although he’s not given much here, initially, we’re at least tossed the crux of what this story is all about. The Bar Mitzvah is one of those cultural events, on par with a quinceanera or a man’s first duct tape waxing of his a-noose by his drunken buddies, and the film comes out quickly to establish that this is all about besting the Joneses, or, I guess, the Finkleman’s.

It’s odd to see Piven in a role of playing a proud father but I guess I buy it. There’s something about trying to say that his all about a Bar Mitzvah, at one point we see a banner giving props to the Steins’ kid saying “mazel tov” but it’s not uttered that this is a Mitzvah of any sort. Is this because the trailer makers want this to be a generic, culturally neutral, “party” theme or because we don’t want to segregate audience share? I’m not sure but getting through the first quarter of this trailer with only a reference to the torah gets me wondering.

And where once my interest level in a flick that has a lot of cultural currency as of late with the big stories about 50 Cent playing a Bat Mitzvah and the book that was recently published about this subject which is a hoot to run through if any of you find yourselves wandering through a Borders, peters out kind of pathetically as Piven’s rival father, played here by the perennial antagonist to the protagonist, Larry Miller, starts to try and pry about the planning of Piven’s own party.

Again, the word party planner is used in lieu of calling this for what it is, there’s a really poor attempt to wordplay 50 Cent. “How much for 50 Cent? How about 17 Cent?” Whoa there, Leno, keep these jokes down to the minimum.

And just like that the Jewish-isms fall out of the sky like a full on blitzkrieg: we get Shamu donning a yarmulke, the Star of David comes out to say hey, Yiddish pops up its head and we are even treated to the party’s goings-on. It’s intimately amusing and poignant.

I think while the ending suffers from a really saccharine closing, with Piven giving the fatherly speech about becoming a man which completely confirms the idea that this “family” movie will have everything turning all right out in the end. Cue studio audience “Aww…”

And while I don’t find too much fault in things like this, I do have to make mention about Daryl Hannah’s facial credit in this flick. She doesn’t have one speaking role in what I saw here yet it’s shamelessly hinted that she’s an integral part of the movie by the ranking she’s given as we’re introduced to everyone in the movie.

Director: Bart Freundlich
Cast: Billy Crudup, David Duchovny, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Julianne Moore, Eva Mendes
Release: August 18, 2006
Synopsis: A smart, sophisticated comedy about the challenges of love and marriage among modern day New Yorkers, TRUST THE MAN features the romantic escapades of two couples: a successful actress (Julianne Moore) and her stay at home husband (David Duchovny); and her slacker younger brother (Billy Crudup) and his aspiring novelist girlfriend Maggie.

Prognosis: One of the best this year. Eva Mendes told me that I shouldn’t feel defensive about saying the words Movie Poop Shoot when I am out soliciting interviews. I should own it, she said. Almost a year later since she told me that I still think that was great advice. Odd, considering I had a physical reaction, not unlike a bad TB test, to STUCK ON YOU.

What’s nice about this trailer, though, is that I enjoy everyone’s presence here.

From Crudup, who was heralded as the next “it” man only to subsist on the fringe, Duchovny and Moore, well, not so much Moore, the opening sequence of this thing sets up everything that is about to be set off much later on.

Billy and David feel like they’re brothers, when in fact that they’re brothers-in-law, and have a good relationship. I don’t know why it’s the case but establishing a bond early between these two guys makes me feel that there’s something about them we as an audience can trust.

When we discover that Julianne publicly states that the impending marriage of Crudup and his ol’ lady is not so much sweet as it is “overrated,” the institution of it anyway, we see where there is going to be a little tension. That’s fabulous for a few reasons but the best one is that not only do we have a feel for these characters but we’re also getting an insight into the relationships these people have with one another. It’s just rare to get that quick of a glimpse so early on.

Next, we’re introduced to Gary Shandling’s presence as David and Julianne’s therapist where it’s made known that David has a more than healthy sex drive. This talk spills over to David talking to Billy and while seeing people get hit in the nuts with a whiffle ball bat is amusing, seeing a kid make a direct strike against the ball sack of David’s penne pasta incites great laughs from me.

The comedy comes delicately to a close as we descend like a Russian sub off the coast of the motherland before Alec Baldwin gets involved. The mood changes. Billy and David have some real words with one another about the nature of life and its natural ebb.

It’s announced that Billy ditches Jake Gyllenhaal’s sister, we’re not sure why and not told, but then Julianne sticks her albino nose in the whole thing and quickly sets her up on a date with a guy who has a shaky grasp of the English language. Again, I don’t know what you define as funny but foreign people trying to grasp English phraseology in movies is always a winner with me. What’s odd is that Billy is present for this “date” of sorts and I don’t understand it.

It’s odd in ways that need defining but we’re taken away from that moment to Billy asking David what’s a good flower to get a lady besides a rose. The answer is at once telling, it’s honest. Again, you feel close to these two guys as it seems that they have a genuine affinity for one another’s happiness.

The music changes and it’s “Wisemen” by James Blunt. I bring it up because sometimes you get just the right music to play against what’s happening on the screen and this is no different. It’s wonderfully used to what seems like images that are supposed to endear us to these characters even more than we are. It’s needless because the trailer earned that a while ago but it’s delightful nonetheless. The way we’re let down from what’s been built up is just as powerful.

To say that you’ve got to be crazy to be committed is smart in the sense that marriage between two people can feel that way, naturally, but it’s worded sharply, amusingly.

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