Director:Nicole Holofcener
Cast:Jennifer Aniston, Joan Cusack, Catherine Keener, Frances McDormand, Jason Isaacs, Scott Caan
Release: April 7, 2006 (Limited)
Synopsis: A drama about three married women, their husbands, and their lone single friend.

Prognosis: Negative. Yeah, let’s start off with the obvious.

Why would I want to see a movie where a bunch of preening, socialites who are more well off than I am have a spirited talk about where someone’s going to dump a couple million dollars?

Even if this was an inheritance, and these people are hippies who really only have jobs that pay them in hemp and Skittles, I’m not really identifying well with these well-to-doers.

Yes, by having this conversation we are able to contrast these people’s wealth with Jennifer Aniston’s obvious predicament as someone who has to work as a maid, which I don’t believe and have no ability to stretch my finite suspension power of disbelief, but who’s identifying with whom? I don’t like the rich people and I don’t believe Aniston. It’s especially bold to state that this was an Opening Night selection at Sundance when popular opinion has it on good faith that it was due to its star wattage and not necessarily due to it’s “independence.”

No matter, though, as Frances McDormand makes lemonade out of pompous pie. She really comes off as an especially likable character no matter what role she’s playing and her comment to a new mother about the size of her child is at once amusing as it is telling.

I’m not sure where you want to place Catherine Keener’s obviously vapid, stupid and/or drug addled insanity when the man who I think is her husband retorts to the question about what looks different about him by saying, “I shaved my beard….Three weeks ago.” Oh, the laughter this stokes in me! Is this supposed to be funny or sad? I really don’t know.

McDormand brings me back to genuine amusement when she takes some line cutters to task in an Old Navy. She’s just spitting lines, I know, but she makes it believable enough for me to be right there with her but the moment cuts off too fast as I’m yanked back to the airless lives of Aniston’s friends who would be better off being stalked by a mass murderer than having to watch them complain and whine about their lives.

We’re treated to a philosophical Q/A with F.O.A. (Friends of Aniston) about the nature of sex and money and how one would help facilitate the other; real Einsteins, these people.

And, as if my attitude wasn’t bad enough by the end of this trailer, we get Scott Caan. I like Scott. I thought he was one of the best players in OCEAN’S ELEVEN. Not only is his presence refreshing but his quip back to Aniston when he finds out she’s a maid is, “Can I watch?” Yes, a thousand times yes. There are promo shots of Jennifer in her “outfit” and they are nowhere to be seen here. Bad move. Stupid move.

If you’re an exec and you haven’t figured out that even by showing the picture of Jennifer in her French maid’s getup might mean a few more bucks at the box office you need to have your head and nads examined.

Director: Aric Avelino
Cast: Marcia Gay Harden, Forest Whitaker, Donald Sutherland, Linda Cardellini, Tony Goldwyn
Release: March 22, 2006 (Limited)
Synopsis: IFC Films presents AMERICAN GUN, a powerful series of interwoven storylines that bring to light how the proliferation of guns in America dramatically influence and shape every day lives. A gun shop owner, an ace student, a single mother, and a school principal are among those profoundly affected. AMERICAN GUN is the debut film of director/co-writer Aric Avelino, and is co-written by Steven Bagatourian and produced by Ted Kroeber.

Prognosis: Positive. This is a gun safety video.

At first I think that I’m watching one of those safety videos people from work. When I worked for a grocery store I was compelled to watch a video where some guy and his boy walk up to an employee as the kid is literally draining blood from his nose. The guy wants the employee to put his hands on the kid’s face to help stop the bleeding. The video asked me what I would do in a situation like this. There is no such asking of an opinion here although we get some very helpful information.

“When handling a gun…Always keep the gun unloaded until ready to use.”

Good advice. Especially when you’ve got a table littered with semi-automatic weaponry. I kid but the juxtaposition of these words with the display of guns makes the point quite salient. There’s a nice tension of the black and white footage with the haunting music that is embedded underneath it all. The echoing gunshot before setting up the real plot of the movie sets a good tone.

Now, here comes the tricky nature of having a movie that has three, separate storylines. Good work on letting us know that there are three stories, first of all, as this helps those among us who are going to try and understand what’s happening. You’ve got Forest Whitaker, Donald Sutherland and Marcia Gay Harden leading these small vignettes and the hard part here is to give equal time to all the stories without confusing everyone.

You run the risk anyway of confusing people with a blazing fast trailer that hits the high points and money shots without giving much context but a movie like this has to be presented logically otherwise you run the risk of presenting a movie that isn’t quite accurate; not that hasn’t stopped Michael Bay from making trailers for his films but I digress.

All three of the stories here look compelling enough. You get the meat of the storyline quickly and without a lot of obfuscation. It gets dicey when you start having the players present start their bombastic acting moments, obviously reacting to heady contexts of their own, as I want to know what’s happening but there just isn’t enough time here. It’s done as well, though, as it can be. For that, it rises above the schizophrenia that plagues lesser films that just have to keep track of a few people.

Sidebar kudos go to Tony Goldwyn and his crying-like-a-little-woman display of emotions as a cop who just wants to have a good cry. I don’t know what has brought him to that level but I do know that I haven’t seen emotion like that since he was pissed that Christian Slater blew up the chief of police’s corvette in KUFFS.

The tempos change, oddly enough, and we’re left to ride out the rest of this trailer in the form of a musical montage. People are hugging, people are moving, things are happening, things are acting and reacting with our players. It’s a bold way to end a trailer. It’s almost like a party that’s really good in the beginning and is left to just run its course without any help from the host or hostess. It really does coast to the end on its own power.

I’m not sure I would want to seek this one out but the trailer does as well as it can for what it is.

By the way, I stated I would never assist any father/son combo where the young liege’s nose is a faucet of platelets. I was required to watch the video again.

Director: Barry Sonnenfeld
Cast: Robin Williams, Cheryl Hines, Jeff Daniels, Kristin Chenoweth
Release: April 28, 2006
Synopsis: Bob McNeive (Williams) and his dysfunctional family rent an RV for a roadtrip to the Colorado Rockies, where they ultimately have to contend with a bizarre community of campers.

Prognosis: Not a chance in hell, not a chance on Earth and not a chance whilst playing Monopoly. There is a need for there to be more family friendly fare at the movie theater, that much I concede.

I’m not someone who actually cares about these things but there is a contingent of the mass movie audience that will come out with fistfuls of dollars should there be something even middle of the road for them to enjoy. And, if I were a betting man I would put this movie up there with what THE GREAT OUTDOORS looked like many years ago; a movie that isn’t threatening to anyone, whose humor is based on simple slapstick and thinly veiled emotions of family togetherness and is destined for late night cable greatness.

I think it took me a full minute of this trailer’s running time before I had something noteworthy to say and, thus, proves my previous point.

I don’t imagine that the genesis for this kind of film was anything more than a germ of an idea that sought to have a vehicle, literally, where Robin Williams could just decompress after all of his “serious” roles that he’s been playing as of late. He’s a dude who lives in the suburbs and has a contentious relationship with his daughter and his son.

There is really nothing special about anything until the plot moves into its second act and we’re introduced to the 2000’s equivalent of the Grizwald Family Truckster. Now, I don’t see Williams mapping out his cross-country travels on a Radio Shack Tandy brand computer, with accompanying 2-bit sound effects natch, but I do think that we’re going to be relying on the chemistry between Williams and Cheryl Hines. Hines has shown herself to be a sharper comedic talent than Williams as of late and so it shall be interesting to see if one overpowers the other.

“Whenever a white man picks up a banjo…my cheeks tighten.”

As it stands, though, the wacky misadventures that these people are going on, with Jeff Daniels providing a nice comedic sidebar in this trailer, are fairly basic in terms of the level of edginess that seems to be present here.

If I could compare my feelings to a past trailer it would be precisely the way I felt about the RAT RACE trailer. You’ve got a road trip experience, some comedy tossed in to give it a fuzzy feel and don’t allow any kind of reality in at any cost. Case in point is at one point in this trailer Robin somehow, someway, finds himself hanging onto the front of his RV. He is rolling down a hill, out of control, holding on to dear life and screaming. He wheels past his family who has their back to him, of course, with Cheryl doing the whole “Did you hear that?” thing but it’s slapsticky. Parents will love it, kids will think it’s funny but, to me, that’s why I’m not going to spend money on it.

It’s all about demographical advertising and I am not on that list for this movie. Knowing where you level out, just like when Mr. Wizard taught us all about the density of different clear liquids, is just all a part of understanding what kind of movies are and are not made for you.

Director: Jonathan Dayton, Valerie Faris
Cast: Greg Kinnear, Steve Carell, Toni Collette, Paul Dano
Release: July 28, 2006
Synopsis: This movie tells the story of the Hoovers, one of the most endearingly fractured families ever seen on motion picture screens. Together, the motley six-member family treks from Albuquerque to the Little Miss Sunshine pageant in Redondo Beach, California, to fulfill the deepest wish of 7-year-old Olive, an ordinary little girl with big dreams.

Prognosis: So close to making the list. Hmm, art for art’s sake or a really good movie?

I don’t know why but the eternal question for all motion pictures that skirt the line of being independent and those that are made solely because some studio head wants to see the wacky misadventures of some actor making waves that month on Access Hollywood will always remain.

I’m not sure how this one falls but with Steve Carell, the gotta-have-him guy for the moment, leading the way here I am at a loss to really try and see if this is really a flick that deserves the imprint of the ever malleable definition of “independent.” It’s a moot point, really, because this trailer really starts off well.

The family at the heart of this movie all gets their due in the first quarter of this trailer’s run time. You’ve got the questionably well-adjusted mother and father playing host and hostess to a son who chooses not to talk because of a long dead philosopher; Steve, who I can’t for sure make out of whether he chooses to be a live-in guest at his brother’s house or if there’s something else afoot; and the wily father character played by my man Alan Arkin, who plays crazy better than anyone else available.

You’ve got the obligatory pre-press for the film that flashes briefly on the screen. This is not only well-done in terms of the transitions from one to the next but the font and screen time devoted to these quotes are well timed. It’s easy to plaster big words and big name publications but they are done here with consideration for the viewer and that’s well noted here.

And, what else is really surprising, there is an extended scene that we’re left to watch play out. It’s daring to not just whip through multiple sound bite worthy moments but the decision to let everyone in the house know why uncle Steve is living with his brother, that he was in love with a grad student who didn’t love him back and thus made him want to kill himself, was a good choice. It’s not as funny as I would’ve thought it could have been with someone other than Kinnear being the straight man but it still provides the desired effect.

What’s more is that when we eventually learn that this movie is kind of not about Steve, although even after I watched this trailer I am not quite sure that’s the case, but is, in fact, about Kinnear’s kid I try and switch gears. This is about a beauty pageant in California and the road trip that ensues when the whole family decides to get in the ol’ VW van and head west into Cali. I’m kind of disappointed here as the interesting moments about this film trail off.

You get a whole lot of mugging to camera, ostensibly to show how silly this movie is going to be, but you don’t get any real substance. This is about one family’s journey to connect with something, I assume, but after learning about the pageant and Steve’s attempted suicide I’m not so sure there was anything left to get me in the mood to Steve bring the funny once more.

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