Director:Ricardo de Montreuil
Cast: Bárbara Mori, Christian Meier, Manolo Cardona, Gaby Espino, Beto Cuevas
Release: April, 2006 (Limited)
Synopsis: After almost 10 years of marriage, attractive Zoe discovers that her marriage lacks passion and surprise, and is seduced by the possibility of finding those sensations already forgotten in her husband’s brother. From this premise a series of events lead these three characters to a dangerous game of revenges, secrets and passions. Two brothers and one woman: the triangle is outlined in a disquieting way. It is a bomb that triggers family secrets, the contained rage of desire and the unmanageable power of love. An exciting story that subjugates the viewer from beginning to end.

Prognosis: Very Positive. I think that the natural evolution from being exposed to hardcore Latin cinema, courtesy of AMORES PERROS and Y TU MAMA TAMBIEN, has warmed me a bit to wanting to see a flick that doesn’t include dusty and dirty youths trying to get their groove on or wanting to throw down with the nearest available ruffian.

A drama about a woman who steps out on her husband with the husband’s brother? Throw in a little sizzle, a pimp pad where all this goes down, plus set it in a warm climate where you’re gonna get a pool scene where you things aren’t going to go well for our cuckolded husband? Nice.

I feel obliged to start out by commenting on the music that begins this trailer. The musical bed directs emotion, no question, and the music coordinator here deserves some love by popping in a track that not only is pleasing but sets the mood like candles on the dining room table.

When we meet the couple that will no doubt implode like a supernova by film’s end, I’m unsure if these are actors or Banana Republic models. It’s okay, though, as that’s what actors are for; you rarely see the ugly ones holding anyone’s attention and the fact that the dude looks like Jeremy Sisto’s long lost Latin brother and Eva Mendes’ hotter sister only ballasts my superficial interest in what exactly is happening. And I’m glad I am not blasted by plot points. We take time here and I appreciate just being able to soak in the atmosphere.

Also, and this is a mind blower, this trailer allows its players to talk. As is my theory about what film studios want their foreign language films to do in order to get people to see them, not allowing the native language to be uttered is usually the norm. Not here, though, and I genuinely love it. You get a feel for this couple’s relationship with one another and, after seeing her splayed out on the bed in her underwear, I can honestly say my interest level increases with regard to what seems to be the issue.

As this husband, this wife, talk you are much better served in defining who is hurting whom by listening to their voices, their intonations.

We meet the brother who treats his hair like it’s a refuge for birds but dresses nice and seems to have a vibe about him that lures the young wife away from her distant husband. What I like here is the slow motion close-up of our bride placing her wedding ring and band on the nightstand, ostensibly to start hittin’ it. We don’t see the act happen, we never see the brother and the wife kiss, it’s all implied and the husband’s questioning of whether his wife loves him is emotionally effective. I believe it.

The modern style house that all this infidelity happens in is great eye candy. The mood of the house also reflects the relationship between these two people: cold, clean, gorgeous but, ultimately, heartless. Our people talk, the subtitles come up and none of it is a distraction to me; it helps to establish these characters.

The highest honors go to this trailer and I promise to do all I can to see how all of this translates, ultimately, to the whole film.

Director: Nathaniel Hornblower (AKA Adam Yauch) (dir.)
Cast: Beastie Boys (MCA, Mike D, Adrock)
Release: March 31, 2006
Synopsis: A formally innovative feature film experience, the Beastie Boys handed out 50 cameras to audience members at their sold-out performance in New York’s famed Madison Square Garden in October 2004. These 50 different passionate perspectives shot from the point-of-view of the audience take the viewer deep inside the world of a live Beastie Boys show.

Prognosis: Positive. Now this is a concert film worth getting excited about.

Thanks to Chappelle’s BLOCK PARTY the party line about what can draw in an audience has changed a bit. You can have an entire feature filled with music and not run the risk of completely alienating the audience and my only hope is that hype meets with performance for this one.

“In a world…”

The Beastie’s have always been known for their ability to rock a mic but they’re also adept at being fun without looking silly. They’ve got senses of humor and everything from their video for SABATOGE (always a fun video to watch all the way through) to their first real single unleashed on the world, FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT TO PARTY, has always reinforced their ability to lay it down about injustices in the world while also telling you how great it is to be married, “rockin’ the sure shot.” That’s why opening this trailer with the voiceover that starts in with the words “In a world…,” one of the most tried and true tropes of trailer creation, rings that superciliousness bell once more.

The next shot that shows us the back heads of the Beasties, dashing past the pretzel concession stand while in slow motion, the building of anticipation for what’s about to come is executed really well. Most everyone knows that this is all being done tongue-in-cheek but it’s great fun.

“When pure evil reigns over the realm of humans… ”

The shot of the guy who is no doubt sporting Kentucky Mud Flap under his mesh hat and handlebar moustache, his hands flailing around in slow motion comedy, does nothing less than induce laughter in me; he’s a fan, to be sure, but I guess he gets credit for rocking out.

“Only the strongest can rise to the challenge…”

The shot of the swirling mosh pit of enthusiastic fans and churning energy that’s being released with every shove and push captures the rawness of how this show is going to go. I never thought that a Beastie’s show was so physical but the buildup of the three guys about to get on stage helps to foreshadow the fact that they are about to break it down in a big way.

What’s also important to note is that the switching perspectives that’s shown here helps to establish the fact that there are multiple people responsible for shooting this movie but it’s never said. The montage at the very end of what dozens of cameras recorded, I am positive, only whets the appetite for any casual fan in showing that this movie’s experiment to show what happens when you entrust the shooting to your average person is going to have a huge payoff.

I can’t say for sure of whether this will be an ok film or that they should’ve entrusted someone like Spike Jonze with directorial duties but the world needs more concert films and I am glad that this is the band that’s comin’ correct to the big screen.

Director: Nick Cassavetes
Cast: Emile Hirsch, Justin Timberlake, Anton Yelchin, Shawn Hatosy, Ben Foster, Sharon Stone, Dominique Swain, Lukas Haas, Bruce Willis
Release: May 12, 2006
Synopsis: ALPHA DOG is inspired by the true story of Jesse James Hollywood, a mid-level drug dealer from the San Gabriel Valley whose thirst for power led him to become the youngest man ever to appear on the FBI’s Most Wanted list. Emile Hirsch stars as teenage suburban drug dealer Johnny Truelove, an ambitious young man whose lifestyle is a mecca for guns, sex and drugs. When a “client” cheats Johnny and a deal goes bad, he devises a plan to get his money back by kidnapping the client’s younger brother. But things take an unexpected twist as Johnny and his crew get caught up in the dangerous and violent world they once idealized.

Prognosis: Negative. I really don’t want to believe that Justin Timberlake is a good actor.

I try to spend all my waking hours avoiding reading about this pop pud and his string bean girlfriend but along comes this movie that everyone’s talking about and I find myself having to give that gimp a fair shake instead of recusing myself from the flick altogether. My natural instinct to dismiss the movie because of him but that’s just not fair and I’m glad I didn’t.

The initial moments of this movie play out like a David Hockney painting; the American idealized, suburban lifestyle is one that has been derided as being soulless and that’s what comes across as you feel the numbing effects of suburbia.

You’re given images of turnpikes, po-pop’s responding to a disturbance at the local Krispy Kreme, kids playing little league. This is when a woman, someone off camera, says that the kids who are ostensibly going to meet, are good kids. The latter statement usually is in response to something completely awful that a pack of juveniles who have been given everything have done and are in need of defending.

The woman goes on to explain that the kids were living the rap version of “the life.” Again, these are kids who spend their afternoon playing X-Box, possibly schmoking a lil’ weed in between while the parents are off making the money to afford the lifestyle they’re all accustomed to.

“Inspired by true events.”

Now this is my favorite tagline and I give props to the filmmakers for busting out this little wee factoid so early in the trailer; it always makes me pay attention a little more closely.

Now, I’m a little thrown by what comes next. Our pro/ant/agonist is Emile Hirsch who, we’re told, is the ringleader for this little tribe of teens who are getting involved in something illicit. Now, the assorted images of Emile and his “crew” don’t tell me anything. Yeah, we’ve got Justin Timberlake doing pull-ups, his skinny frame belays any attempt to make him seem tough, and we even have Angel himself, Ben Foster, talking in a riddle-ish type speak to someone who’s looking to hang with him for the evening.

It’s all very scattered. Emile tells some guy who owes him some money that he go and make himself useful by working off the debt but I am getting a little aggravated that we’re not really being told what in the hell is going on. Is it drugs? Is it a gambling ring? Is it a high school prostitution ring and, if so, why couldn’t this have been going on in 1993? (West side Barrington representin’, yo.)

We’ve got a lot of innuendo but nothing to show for it.

When I see that we’re halfway through the trailer I begin to think that, for sure, we’re gonna get some context. It’s all about context and even though I had a little faith that we would get somewhere I get Ben Foster, donning that creepy ass tenor he used when he was on Six Feet Under, as he squaring off Emile. Ben, too, owes Emile money and decides to kidnap Ben’s brother until it gets resolved.

The hostage is oddly calm and optimistic throughout this whole ordeal, which is a little weird, and, of course, Ben’s parents flip out when they figure out Ben is using that creepy voice from Six Feet Under again; nothing good ever happens when he does it.

And, then, out of nowhere, we get a card that says 3 days, 38 witnesses. Now, three days I get. I understand that. 38 witnesses? That’s a few dozen people and I haven’t seen a few dozen people in this trailer but then I get our hostage getting his flirt on inside a pool with some lady. At first I’m thinking I’m watching the video to the Smashing Pumpkins’ “1979” but I remember that this all about Emile.

I’m flat out confused. Is this drug related or what? Why was this boy kidnapped? I don’t have the answers to any of these things and you can lay the blame squarely on the shoulders of improper contextualization. If I don’t know why Emile stole a boy for ransom why should I care about any of these events? I don’t feel trusted as a viewer, like it’s a reveal that needs hiding, and I don’t like it.

I appreciate that the trailer ends with a wicked cool card that tells us that Emile’s character fled the country in 1999 and then was arrested in Paraguay in 2005. Now that’s the kind of “ooh” “ahh” I like in my trailers. I find it amusing that the final, final card tells us that the names, events and details of this “true” event have been changed for whatever reason but a quick search on New Line’s own website yields us all the information we need right here. It befuddles even me, people.

Director: Michael Caton-Jones
Cast: Sharon Stone, David Morrissey
Release: March 31, 2006
Synopsis: Novelist Catherine Tramell (Stone) is once again in trouble with the law, and Scotland Yard appoints psychiatrist Dr. Andrew Glass (Morrissey) to evaluate her. Though, like Detective Nick Curran before him, Glass is entranced by Tramell and lured into a seductive game.

Prognosis: Funniest thing I’ve seen all year. Two thumbs up.

“But you know I saw this movie this year called last year called ‘Basic Instinct.’ Okay now…Bill’s quick capsule review: Piece-of-shit. Okay now. Yeah, yeah, end of story by the way. Don’t get caught up in that fevered hype phoney fucking debate about that Piece-of-shit movie. ‘Is it too sexist, and what about the movies, are they becoming too dddddddd.’ You’re, you’re just confused, you don’t get, you’ve forgotten how to judge correctly. Take a deep breath huuh, look at it again. “Oh, it’s a Piece-of-shit!” Exactly! That’s all it is. Satan squatted, let out a loaf, they put a fucking title on it, put it on a marquee, Satan’s shit, piece of shit, walk away. ‘But is it too, what about the lesbian connot.. ddddd.’ You’re, you’re getting really baffled here. Piece-of-shit! Now walk away. That’s all it is, it’s nothing more! Free yourself folks, if you see it, Piece-of-shit, say it and walk away.”
-Bill Hicks, 1992

“People just are sitting there going, like, ‘I don’t care what she’s saying, I don’t care what she’s saying, I just want to know, does she get naked in the movie? Is she naked? Nude nude nude naked Do I see her boobies? I don’t care what she’s saying, I don’t care, I don’t care, is she naked?’ So let’s just get through to that…YES!” […]

And I called my publicist, who’s this great, Jewish woman…”
-The Sharon Stone Experience, 2006, while sitting down next to Simon Peres in Israel discussing her latest role in BASIC INSTINCT 2 by way of Defamer.com

My vote is getting cast early, children, for my favorite comedy of 2006: BASIC INSTINCT 2. I would put the Billy Ocean World Tour ’06 on my list of needless things right above this movie’s existence and I am doing everything in my power to not shred this thing before we’ve all had a chance to indulge in this trailer’s goodness.

Because we are an equal opportunity column here I will reserve judgment until we make our way through this one which begins, oddly enough, solidly.

You’ve got a nice wide shot of London proper, with po-pos, or Bobby’s as you crumpet eating limeys would say, all descending on a crime scene. Our detective in charge of this investigation, a rough looking man with his tie sexily loosened up just a wee bit, is ranting that some chick’s fingerprints are all over the crime scene and that a psychologist is needed in order to declare our “suspect” insane.

Now, while I am all about having a woman kept behind bars, the world needs more movies about caged heat, I found my nads recoiling as we see Sharon Stone, looking quite mannish, trying to affect the sexiness of a woman who knows she is on the other side of a wall that is littered with the faces of ladies who should just let nature take its course.

“So, is this where we’re gonna do it?”

Oh, sweet Lord, did she really drop that double entendre? I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

So, she starts in with this psychologist by telling him that she’s a writer that toils in sexual perversions and power relationships that are about as healthy as anything you see on Desperate Housewives on a good day. She’s trying, really hard, to make us feel that her deviancy and lustiness are combos that will get dudes all schweaty in their drawers. Unfortunately, she just comes across as holding on too long like the old Asian madam in BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA who is harboring the hotter meat in the annals of her cherry ranch; it’s sad, really. I half expect Kurt Russell to charge onto the screen but, alas, it doesn’t happen.

Not more than a few seconds later, the most unintentional, comedic moment happens. When her interview with the police’s psychologist rages on, Ms. Stone straddles a chair from the front. Instead of her beav being flashed to us the chair’s thick back support fully covers Stone’s privates like a big censor’s obstruction. I’d like to thank the Academy for that. It made me laugh.

I am at a loss to try and make sense of our psychologist’s attraction, and eventual giving in to, Sharon’s wiles. I guess the movie wouldn’t be as interesting if he called her out on her obvious insanity and delusions of grandeur but that moment when the two of them kiss I don’t immediately think this is a romance between two hot people; it’s an obvious cougar attack and our young boy has been vanquished by this woman who would probably fit in better at the Howard Johnson hotel bar on Karaoke Jam night than she would at a hipster night club.

“I feel like a cigarette”

Yes, Sharon has the last word in this trailer and I couldn’t agree more. For what better of an image of a smoldering, old butt that’s about to be flicked to the ground and twisted into the concrete to describe how this film’s going to be received?

I think if you’re going to see it, be open to it, don’t let what I’ve seen here be any indication of its goodness or badness. I just believe you’ve got to be in the mood to laugh.

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