Director: Judd Apatow
Cast: Steve Carrell, Catherine Keener
Release: August 19, 2005
Synopsis: 40-year-old Andy Stitzer (Steve Carrell) has done quite a few things in his life. He’s got a cushy job stamping invoices at an electronics superstore, a nice apartment with a proud collection of action figures and comic books, good friends, a nice attitude. But there’s just one little thing he hasn’t quite gotten around to doing yet–something most people have done by his age. Done a lot. Andy’s never, ever, ever had sex–not even by accident. So is that such a big deal?

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Prognosis: Negative. Not a fan of Steve Carrell.

My feelings aren’t really out of dislike for his brand of comedy as it is just an overall feeling of disinterest whenever I see him laying down his schtick. That’s ok, though, as this movie actually piques something in me that I think all his other forays into the comedic genre have failed to do.

The Spandau Ballet song “True,” which is really the best go-to song ever laid down on cassette that lets everyone in the house know we’re talking about the 80’s, its greatest power displayed in SIXTEEN CANDLES, is superbly played here as we are no doubt going to be shown the failed attempts Steve has made on his way to ever getting some from the ladies. The gag of him trying to undo his date’s bra and turning it into a weapon against his lady, I admit, is funny. It made me laugh. The next woman, who is inexpiably, but understandably from a marketing perspective, even hotter than the last one, tries to lick his toe in a sensual manner only to have the Monkey Foot of Pain applied to her face as Steve recoils his leg and juts it forward because he’s ticklish. Again, this visual gag is good because what you’re going to have happen is all the dudes who grew up to appreciate Three Stooges humor will no doubt respond to the physicality of how this trailer opens; it’s slapstick and it’s still alive.

Fast forward 20 some-odd years and Steve is still a virgin and is trapped, in his clothing and appearance, in an era when Members-Only was just laying its larva as the required outerwear for dweebs everywhere in years to come, and helmet hair wasn’t an option, it was a requirement. What’s odd is that Carrell, who, if he was a real dude, would probably be one of the most scary humanoids walking the earth.

The movie plays this with Steve being a sympathetic character but I see some pretty rote story construction as I see his buddies are all out to help him get a woman and all are pretty colorful characters themselves. His one friend, Romany Malco, seems to be That Guy in films who purports to know everything there is about sex and gets Steve to go along with the more extreme and bizarre methods to getting a date. This includes: using the Suzanne Summer’s Thigh-Master, a joke that’s already been used in a few other comedies years ago when it was funny; waxing Steve’s really hairy body, which starts out promisingly enough but ends flat; having him start a conversation with a woman using the technique of asking a question when asked a question, never minding the woman is really good looking and would no way in real life find this conversational technique as hot as it’s shown; and then it’s off to something called Date-A-Palooza which, for it’s name sake, I can’t really think of anything else that uses that suffix anymore other than old white people who want to seem really “with it.”

Well, he meets a woman at the Date-A-Palooza, the same blonde from CABLE GUY, and ends up being a complete freak. Psycho. She flips out on Steve as they’re driving back to her place hoping, at the very least, to seal the deal. This part of the trailer actually makes me laugh. There’s something about hot crazy chicks that always strikes me as being honest and funny at the same time.

Now, after these “failed” attempts to find the one, Catherine Keener pops up into Steve’s life and what I fear the most about this movie starts to happen: he’s shown blossoming into a man who cares more for her package than for her, well, package. There’s the requisite laughing over a fun and jaunty soundtrack, the way he seems to beam with her as he’s being himself but the whole thing makes me ill. This movie seems to be straying too close to the romantic comedy and I just can’t appreciate that.

I was hoping this trailer would’ve at least lied to me somehow by making the trailer end on a wild note but this thing just peters out, shooting its funny load way too early and leaving me feel limp, dejected and ashamed.

Director: Sebastian Cordero
Cast: John Leguizamo, Leonor Watling, Jose Maria Yazpik, Alfred Molina, Damian Alcazar
Release: July 8, 2005 (Limited)
Synopsis: A Miami reporter (John Leguizamo) travels to a small Ecuadorian village to cover a series of brutal murders and get the biggest story of his career, tracking a possible serial killer dubbed the Monster of Babahoyo.

Prognosis: Positivo. Hot damn.

I would say on a one to ten, this trailer deserves a 9 for its construction. Everything about how foreign films can be sold to Americans should be found all in this trailer. What, initially, I like about this trailer is the air of immediacy that’s given to the subject matter. Everything pops quickly and we don’t have a lot of lingering back story to get caught up in to drag us down.

The screen starts black and you can hear a throng of people in the background. It’s muffled but you just notice the “From the producers of Y TU MAMA TAMBIEN” glide across the screen. John Leguizamo’s face is shown briefly, in slow motion, before it fades away.

The Official Selection card where it was shown at Cannes, Toronto, and Sundance all help to quietly lend the legitimacy that’s perfectly placed. It’s quick enough to keep your attention and, I feel, stay with the trailer.

The action begins with a news report saying that John, a reporter for a news agency in some Latin country, saves a guy from instant flammable death by gasoline. He gets involved in a bad situation. The screen fades out.

A lilting guitar plays in the background as John explains his role as a reporter. He mentions words about truth and his job as one who reports on it. It’s a little grandiose and it’s slightly aggrandizing as I think that most reporters feel in some way that they’re out there doing God’s work but it is just a job, after all. John takes the long way around saying he’s an investigative journalist. Small quibble, no worries.

“On the trail of a serial killer…”

Throaty Voiceover Guy drops into the action and cranks this already interesting movie up a few notches with even more exposition. John’s on the path to finding out something about a killer on the loose. He’s running, dodging the popo’s for reasons unknown, and there’s even some mass grave action going on. The camera work is palatable and its cinematography feels like it’s dirtying my computer screen. It’s wonderful.

What’s more is the interesting way subtitles are used. I would explain it but it’s so much more fun to see it for yourself. It’s one of the more engaging ways to get gringos into the mix with Spanish speaking peoples and it makes you pay attention to the words.

The screen jumps to black as we get snippets of glowing reviews, which is helpful 90% of the time as long as it’s done right, along with some real interesting quick clips of what’s going on in the movie.

The direction seems to meld wonderfully with the story and as long as there hasn’t been too much manipulation with the direction of the movie to the trailer I think this could be a really good movie.

Director: Roger Allers, Jill Culton, Anthony Stacchi
Cast: Ashton Kutcher, Martin Lawrence, Debra Messing, Paul Westerberg
Release: September 9, 2006
Synopsis: A deer buddies up with a domesticated grizzly bear when the two animals are alone in the woods during hunting season. Meanwhile, Beth, a forest ranger who raised the bear, embarks on a desperate search to find her friend.

Prognosis: Positive. I love it.

I absolutely love this trailer which, by all intents and purposes, ought to be labeled a teaser. I don’t know why you’d want to generate interest nearly one year and three months plus put but I don’t run my own marketing department so who the hell am I to make a peep?

However, and first off, I was slightly skittish from the opening. What has Sony Animation ever put out into the fray? I wasn’t sure either and I can’t think of a single CGI, animated movie that they’ve done. This being the first time and all I thought it might look a little rough, getting one’s footing in the genre and all. Turns out, though, things just explode in a good way. You’ve got a rabbit that’s running for his life through a thicket of grass, obviously very upset that there’s something chasing him. This certainly ain’t BROTHER BEAR.

“Since before the beginning of the beginning of time…”

You get Roscoe McHiggins and his hillbilly mode of transport tearing through the forest trying to get this little rabbit. The camera is pulled back and you see the two of them plunging into a plume of trees. Our hunter churns some dirt as he pulls over and runs on foot after the little mammal; he’s carrying a shotgun. The animation draws me in. As an aside, movies like SHARK TALE should have understood that even though you have fish and sharks and different animals you don’t need to attack the color palate with every ROYGBIV combination you could think of. Use some sense is all I’m saying and this one looks like it has.

Right before the plaid hunter caps the rabbit in the face with serious amounts of buckshot, the requisite fingers in the bunny’s mouth to whistle, the universal help signal that transcends every culture and age group, blares out and it produces a small squirrel. The squirrel, who ends up being Scottish, and, while I’m talking about it, what is up with Scottish accented beasts ruling the animated market anyway? He yells out to his European counterparts, dozens of other squirrels who all heed the command by giving a rousting “Oy!” along with bagpipe music blurting over it all. Annoying as it is, with beating a cultural convention into the proverbial ground, it still made me laugh.

And, from out of nowhere, no longer is it just squirrels but the whole damn forest comes alive with bloodlust as other creatures essentially show off their homemade weaponry. I, myself, appreciated the large buck with a bra spread between his antlers, ostensibly to create a makeshift catapult I assume, and the one woodchuck who, like a deranged serial killer, wields a speeding chainsaw. It’s great. It’s cheeky and draws me in to its odd little world.

The promo does everything that it should with the only downside being that the movie doesn’t come out until next fall and it seems that Ashton Kutcher is voicing one of the leads.

Question: Is it really that necessary that Hollywood turn to actors to voice these things instead of using someone who may actually be useful in the part? I mean if I am going to work on a movie for YEARS would I want a voice that will really do something for the character or am I happy with whatever star has the highest Q score rating that month? Obviously, the answer is popularity wins out every time but whatever. Of what I saw I would definitely see this movie. And, it looks like the kids would enjoy it as well.

Director: Chris Columbus
Cast: Rosario Dawson, Taye Diggs, Wilson Jermaine Heredia, Jesse L. Martin, Idina Menzel, Adam Pascal
Release: November 11, 2005
Synopsis: This is the film version of the Pulitzer and Tony Award winning musical about Bohemians in the East Village of New York City struggling with life, love and AIDS, and the impacts they have on America.

Prognosis: Negative. Look, I am going to say something and I don’t want the wrong part of the audience to not get where I am coming from, and I am usually more erudite in my explanations when I don’t appreciate something, but this movie looks pretty shitty.

Now, to give you some idea of where my blind scale of justice sways, Broadway-wise, let me state that I was enamored with CHICAGO, thought that Hugh Jackman’s performance in both OKLAHOMA! and THE BOY FROM OZ was spectacular when compared to other Hollywood actors who try and fail wonderfully when they make a run at it, enjoy the spectacle shows like LION KING and BEAUTY AND THE BEAST but have an affectionate bone in my body that gravitates towards classics like MISS SAIGON and PHANTOM OF THE OPERA whenever I need something to reestablish my baseline for fruitiness in the eyes of my peers.

That said, though, I can’t even look this trailer in the eye without feeling all sorts of effeminate. I almost can’t even bear to recount the actions in this trailer without sensing my nads creeping into my sac but I will go on with the show and try to do what’s best for this column.

The trailer opens. I AM interested. I have never seen Rent live or heard it on CD but, from what I know, there are people who swear by its power as a musical. I know of individuals who see this show again and again, trying to get in with last minute, student or cheap seating.

The skyline for what I think is New York comes into daylight. It’s a bit passé and clichéd to start something with the beginning of the day but who the hell cares, right? The stage is all about keeping with convention and most people just want conventional so it’s ok.

A piano starts. I think for a moment this is the opening for Taxi or Cheers or any number of other television shows that used a piano to kick things off but I know we’re in for a song.

“Five-hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes…”

I am being serenaded by a gaggle of people and all I see on the screen are good looking urbanites trudging though the streets and subways of this city. The music grows in intensity as our choir booms into life. The action on the screen shows a powerless Rosario Dawson who is having a burned out candle lit by some strange dude who no doubt has something other than passionate romance on his mind; after all, she wore leather and chains, she wants to party.

We get snowy street corners, we see some dude riding a beater old ten-speed, a relic that even the dudes from BREAKING AWAY would eschew, and we get a sickening display of those slow-mo shots of people smiling, having a good time, and living a life you and I won’t ever know because we just aren’t that pretty enough. What’s more, and what I think, is that the slow-mo shot of people laughing like they’ve never laughed before is because someone just cut one and they’re trying to pin it on someone, you get the affective hardship slow-mo shot which is what drama queens do when they put their hand on their forehead as if to say “I just can’t go on living anymore,” and then you get the slo-mo shot of a happy couple dancing in the streets which, if were to be sped up to normal time, you would quickly see other people shouting offensive epithets in protest against such egregious PDA.

I will admit that the music is good. I was jiving in my chair as I heard it but this all feels, seriously, like the intro to the Rent television show on the Lifetime network where it’s lead-in is probably Thirtysomething and, right after it, Hill Street Blues.

It’s about here that we get the Spotlight Choir.

Each person wants to add their own special somethin’ somethin’ to this little song and I say God bless ‘em. They want to show the world that they’re able, someday, to be Ricky Martin’s backup singers or David Cassidy’s chorus when he’s singing at the Flamingo Hilton every Tuesday through Sunday, Monday’s always being black; singers need rest too.

It’s all very dramatic in a way that rubs me the wrong way. I guess you can put me in the category that thinks it all feels false. It shouldn’t, I know that, but it does. I am manly enough to admit that I like a good musical but I just can’t condone this trailer. You are effectively alienating a significant portion of your audience by having a trailer like this. Look at CHICAGO’s filmic campaign, with the trailer, and tell me what’s different about the two of them. I’ll tell you this: there isn’t a call-attention-to-yourself musical number that’s dragged out for 2+ minutes.

Director: Miranda July
Cast: Ellen Geer, John Hawkes, Brad William Henke, Miranda July, Jordan Potter, Brandon Ratcliff, Jason Rice, Natasha Slayton, Miles Thompson, Najarra Townsend, Carlie Westerman
Release: June 17, 2005
Synopsis: Me and You and Everyone We Know is a poetic and penetrating observation of how people struggle to connect with one another in an isolating and contemporary world. Christine Jesperson is a lonely artist and eEldercab driver who uses her fantastical artistic visions to draw her aspirations and objects of desire closer to her. Richard Swersey (John Hawkes), a newly single shoe salesman and father of two boys, is prepared for amazing things to happen. But when he meets the captivating Christine, he panics. Life is not so oblique for Richard’s seven-year-old Robby, who is having a risqué internet romance with a stranger, and his fourteen- year-old brother Peter who becomes the guinea pig for neighborhood girls— practicing for their future of romance and marriage.

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Prognosis: Positive. I had to throw my artistic bad self a bone here and indulge in some really deep moviemaking. Well, it may not be deep but there is something brewing in this trailer and it’s not Sanka.

What I think is most admirable about this trailer is that it really isn’t trying to be something that it isn’t. For examples of things that try too hard, just flip through any number of movie magazines to see how certain movies are played up for their “romanticism” or “action” or how a certain demographic is aimed for with its use of money shots or what kind of narrative is being pimped.

This one definitely has its own voice, for better or worse.

What’s odd about the way this thing starts is that you have some woman who looks like Maggie Gyllenhall’s middle aged sister who is caressing a microphone in a way that makes my nards quiver. She’s talking to herself, modulating her voice as she has a pseudo conversation with no one else but she, and the camera captures this woman’s singularity in a way that makes me curious yet completely wierded out by the whole scenario. Luckily, we don’t linger long in this universe.

Our next obviously broken and shredded human being comes in the form of what looks like 1/3 of the super alterna/electronica group, Le Tigre; ‘Cept this is a dude who is a dude and not some woman who looks like a dude. Anyway, this guy is an Al Bundy who works in women’s shows and our two anti-heroes meet whilst he helps to slip on a pump to our maiden. She has a laceration on her ankle to which our man lets slide, as if it doesn’t slightly smack of pretentiousness, “You think you deserve that pain but you don’t.”

Groan.

Ok, I understand. It’s a deep movie. Thankfully, this is just tossed out casually and we never hear another word like this again. We’re thrust, swiftly, into this man’s universe as he regales us with what he hopes for his kids and for his life. He honestly comes off as a guy who’s trying to support a family and who dances not only to a different drummer but to a whole variant style of rhythm.

And this is also relevant to the discussion but the kids in question are showcased a little more here and you see that they’re not idealized Hollywood brood. They seem like kids who are also living a life that’s askew from the normalcy of what’s expected of today’s youth.

We meet up with our fumbling duo once more in the shoe department as our shoe guy tells the weird chick that he severely damaged his hand while trying, unsuccessfully, to save his own life. Huh? Yeah, I don’t get it either.

The quotes from Entertainment Weekly and Roger Ebert and the small seals of approval from Sundance, and it’s inclusion in it, all help to shore up the credibility of this odd, little, quirky film.

There’s some parts GHOST WORLD, some elements of THIRTEEN, a little PUNCH DRUNK LOVE and some shimmers of Todd Solondz in the editing that’s going on. I can’t say for sure if I’m going to rush out quickly to see this movie but I can say that the trailer kept me hooked.

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