E-MAIL THE AUTHOR | ARCHIVES By Christopher Stipp

May 13, 2005

DOES THE CARPET MATCH THE CURTAINS?

It really wasn’t that it was raining, it waning as I drove ever closer, and it wasn’t even so much the LA traffic, as I was tangled in a rush hour blaze of wet red taillights, but it was that I had zero clue what I was going to ask the celebs on the red carpet for Hollywood Reporter’s 34th Annual Key Art Awards.

There was a bit of mystery involved with not only who was going to show up to this showcase of the best in movie advertising, which includes everything from trailers, TV spots, DVD ads, posters, even best DVD packaging design (give it up to the wicked hardcore Japanese quadrology for ALIENS who easily trounced the competition with their Alien bust), but as Del O’Griffith said in PLANES, TRAINS AND AUTOMOBILES, you’ve just got to go with the flow.

So I did.

For those two or three of you out there who have never “worked” a red carpet I have to be honest and tell you that it really is exciting. I mean, there is nothing else in the world that comes close to the crank-like high when you see a parade of pretty people (really pretty) as celebrities slowly saunter for the delight of snapping cameras, strolling smoothly to reporter to reporter answering their questions. As I fiddled with my own black tie, and I have to be honest, I was looking totally and completely pimp, dashing through the parking garage on my way to the Kodak Theater’s lobby where cameras, flood lights and a wide expanse of red velvety rope that separated the pretty’s from the press.

I had my own little space on the carpet. The temptation to caress it and protect my little space like it was a defenseless newborn was only tempered by my realization I was a representative of Poop Shoot.com and needed to make I was on my best behavior. I looked at the ground, where it was all demarcated for who was to stand where, and felt a sense of entitlement. Ahh, yes, this is what it’s all about; working hard, catching a lucky break when your editor-in-chief can’t make the gig and I could, making sure I had my P’s and Q’s all ready to lay at the feet for the woman who made it all possible (unyielding thanks and gratitude go out to Lynda Miller of the Hollywood Reporter), and, above all else, making sure I had extra batteries for my digital recorder. You know, just in case.

So believe the hype. Getting ready to interview a gamut of very important people, with cameras shuttering behind your ear, is deliciously intoxicating. Although, I think that may have been due in some part to Missi Pyle who I didn’t get to actually talk to but donned an aroma that was equal parts lilac, perfume and sensuality. There wasn’t a chance in hell I was going to try and even carry on a civil conversation.

With those I did talk to, though, all were really kind in humoring me by answering a few questions on their way in. John Cho deserves some love for being the most into the vibe I was pushing out and responded with some great answers and, believe it or not, Oren Aviv, President of Buena Vista Pictures Marketing, was by far the most charming of the group. The man, an executive who least exudes the stereotype, was a sheer delight to talk to if, for no other reason, than he completely looked me in the eye the entire time I talked to him. I think for some people that might be a little intimidating but it at least made me feel that he was genuinely listening to what I had to say.

Golf clap for all those who took the time to say hey.

OREN AVIV

How is Kevin?

Kevin is doing great. He was actually doing some things for his MALLRATS 10TH anniversary DVD when I saw him in his comic book store yesterday.

He’s so funny, he’s so friendly.

Have you had a chance to work with him?

No I haven’t. I met him…I actually introduced myself to him at some party I was at years ago but I am a fan of his.

Well, I wanted to say congratulations, first of all, on all the nominations given to THE INCREDIBLES.

Thank you.

I’ll tell you, where I write, on Kevin’s site, all I do is review trailers. That’s it.

Is that right?

It’s all I do. Week after week.

That’s what you do? For a living? Wow. (Note to self: 1) Try and think about it later of whether that wow was a surprised “wow” or a “gee, what a loser” kind of “wow.” 2) Rethink place in grand scheme of things)

I see 15 to 20 a week and I just write paragraphs on them.

See any of ours?

Yeah, INCREDIBLES was near the top of my list last year and I just did a great review for HOWL’S MOVING CASTLE.

That’s good.

Which I think looks unbelievable.

I love the move. The movie’s great.

Have you seen it all?

Yup. It’s pretty special.

Do you find that it may be, and not so much a difficulty, but that it might be hard to sell people…

Oh yeah, it’s a tough sell but that’s alright because we have a lot of tough sells. I mean THE INCREDIBLES isn’t in that category of tough sells but that’s ok because we expect those. That’s our job. It’s what we do.

What do you find is the most satisfying part of what you do?

I’m gonna say that the best part of what I do is when we first look at a cut or an assembly and there’s a moment with every campaign where it just clicks into place about how we can do it, how we can sell it.

A movie like HITCHIKER’S GUIDE, a very tough sell. That movie, easily, could’ve opened at 7 or 8 million dollars. Small, culty, eccentric, quirky film but when you figure out, how to do it, that’s incredibly satisfying. And, of course, if you do well on opening weekend. It’s one thing to think you can figure it out but the public are really the ones who vote with their dollars. If you do it right, and get lucky, it’s a great feeling.

And do you judge success by opening weekend? HITCHIKER’S GUIDE did open at number one. Some tepid response by fans notwithstanding…

I measure success by how well we open. Other people have their own measurements but for us it’s very simple. We get graded, there’s a scorecard, every weekend we open a movie, where it’s either pass/fail.

What’s the direction now, animation wise, with Pixar having left? Is there any…

We have a spectacularly funny movie coming out, CHICKEN LITTLE, that comes out in November which I think is just great. I think it’s going to surprise a lot of people.

Really? Zach Braff…

Yup. The voice talent is great but the animation looks spectacular and it’s hilarious. So, hopefully, we’ve got our fingers crossed and we’ll see what happens.

Do you think that marketing films will be changing this year? With computers and the Internet making bigger inroads into how people get their information…

It’s constantly changing. I think that the danger is that if you ever assume that you’ve got it figured out you’re screwed. If you assume that none of it makes sense and you’ve got to keep trying and you’ve got to keep pushing then you’re gonna win. So, that’s kind of our attitude with us.

Well, thank you, I don’t want to take any more of your time. I appreciate it.

Thank you, very much.

SARAH SILVERMAN

Ahh, Movie Poop Shoot, didn’t they do a really nice review of JESUS?

(I had no idea but mad props and a free steak on me to whoever the hell it was because it made things go so swimmingly after that…)

I think we did (having no fucking clue if we did but sounding very confident in affirming the love we must’ve poured on it). Hi, I’m Chris. (Extend hand, grasp hers, not too firm though, and toss out that Don Juan smile you already married stud you…)

Hi, Chris.

Pleasure to meet you. When is JESUS IS MAGIC coming out?

Well, Interscope is negotiating with the distributor now so hopefully it will all work out now but at this point it is all out of my hands which is a bit horrifying but hopefully in the fall.

This is your second year here and the awards show is all about publicity, all about trailers, have you seen anything good lately? Are you disappointed if you get a crap batch of trailers before a film?

I love the trailers.

No, I’m never disappointed because that gives me an opportunity to make a fart noise which ALWAYS kills. But I do love the trailers. I never want to be late for a movie.

You know, my friends will say “It doesn’t really begin for 20 minutes” but, hey, that’s the best part. I do like trailers.

And what have you been up to lately?

Well, besides JESUS IS MAGIC there is the ARISTOCRATS and RENT. The movie version of RENT.

(Some top secret bomb is dropped, accidentally, and thus cuts short the coverage. Many apologies.)

JOHN CHO

Hey, Chris, from Movie Poop Shoot. Kevin Smith’s Movie Poop Shoot. (This latter approach, I found, worked better than shouting out the word Poop in an already noisy corridor…)

How you doing?

Good.

Loved the movie, HAROLD AND KUMAR, loved the marketing campaign…Whose idea was it to say, “that Asian guy from the AMERICAN PIE movies”?

I do not know but it worked.

It worked fabulously.

It worked but I wasn’t a big fan of it initially.

Really?

It was what they were looking for.

Obviously not a fan of it because it was drawing attention to something obvious…?

Oh, no no no.

I was hesitant at first because I didn’t want to hear…it seemed repetitive. Asian guy, AMERICAN PIE.

It’s one of those things where you don’t like to be known as the Asian guy. I’m sure the black guy doesn’t want to be known as THE black guy from something.

But, it was all in good humor and I felt that one of the good things about it was like a mind reading trailer. It was said everything you were thinking as soon as you thought it.

So, how do you feel about its success? I know I was at the Comi-Con last year…

Ah yes…

When you and Kal Penn came out and were really working it. Do you find that kind of marketing is necessary for that kind of demographic that a film like HAROLD AND KUMAR skews toward? Maybe there are things a studio will ask you to do for marketing purposes…

They asked us what we were willing to do and, in this case, we really believed in the movie and said, “Listen, send us out.” Sometimes you’ll say, “Not so much.” But in this case I really believed in this movie and it was one were going to have to work extra hard to get people to come to. So I said, “We’ll do anything you like.” And I personally enjoyed it because I thought it was in the spirit of the movie. All the things we did, including building a White Castle here on Sunset. I thought it was appropriate.

It might not have been right for SOPHIE’S CHOICE but, for HAROLD AND KUMAR, very very appropriate.

Ok, good, last question…

Oh, I’m a Gemini.

(Laughs but I quickly assess whether or not I’d hit it. After all he is funny, successful…) Sunday is Mother’s Day. What was the best advice your mother ever gave you?

Ohh…

Maybe even bad advice…

My mother always tells me, always tells me, “Take the higher paying job.”

I could tell her, “Hey, you know what, I could sell-out and not starve but…” She always tells me to take the higher paying job. It’s been about 50/50 that I’ve chosen between the two. That’s her thing.

Well, John, thank you. Thank you very much.

Pleasure to talk to you.

KEVIN NEALON

Hi, Kevin, my name is Christopher, I work for Kevin Smith’s Movie Poop Shoot (Man, I am so getting this introducing myself thing down to a science…) So, advertising. Do you ever feel rooked if you get some bad trailers at a movie? Are you a fan of the trailer format?

I am a fan of the trailers themselves. Lot of times after I see the trailers I just think, “Well, I don’t have to see the movie.” Because, if that’s the best they can show us then it’s not very good.

The first date is a lot like a movie trailer. You give the other person an idea of what the relationship is going to be like and you only show the good stuff. And you hope to pique their interest so they come back and you can see the whole package.

Ever feel upset when you’ve been tricked by a trailer that’s made you come back only to…

Yeah, oh yeah. I’ll be sitting there thinking, “Yeah, this is great but what about that car chase from the trailer? What happened to the T&A from the trailer?”

So what brought you out tonight? How did they pick you…

Well, they came to me and asked me to host the show and I was in town this week, I thought it would be fun and so here I am.

And what’s on the horizon for you? I heard there was a new show.

It’s a show called Weeds, a series for Showtime, starting in August. It’s starring Elizabeth Perkins, Mary-Louise Parker and myself. Mary-Louise plays a soccer mom who loses her husband in an accident and, in an attempt to make ends meet, she resorts to selling pot.

And I play her accountant, I’m on the city counsel, and I happen to launder her drug money for her.

Now is this going to be played seriously or is it comedic?

Well, it’s dark but it’s got a comedic twist to it.

Thanks for talking to me and, since it’s Mother’s Day time, what was the best advice your mother gave you?

Best advice was to show up and, you know, I don’t think I ever got bad advice from her. Yeah, I lucked out.

Kevin, thank you so much. I appreciate it.

It was about this time that I was ushered into the main seating area only to have acidic flashbacks from last year when Ryall wrote most eloquently when he was part of last year’s festivities and was treated most Richard Roundtree-like as the shaft sent him to the echelons of the upper mezzanine. I was happy as a clam, getting everything I needed out of my interview subjects but I had no idea what was about to follow.

My 2nd row seating on the announcer’s side let me know that his public shaming of the ticket givers from last year worked to great effect and I humbly reaped the benefit of that. (Note to self: buy Chris’ first round of tequila shooters at Comi-Con in San Diego) I tell you what, honestly, I was out of my gourd just taking in the majesty of the whole production, reviewing every line in my head from Ryall’s account of last year’s show and waiting for something equally as offensive, ribald, saucy and indignant.

I think I was booked into the PG version of DEEP THROAT because there was nary a curse word to be found.

Kevin Nealon came out, dropped the same trailer joke, verbatim, as he did with me on the red carpet and proceeded to take the slow, leisurely route to get where this ship was going. He brought out some of the good old SNL stand-bys, couched in the vibe for the event, as Mr. Subliminal peeked his head out for a few laughs and even his review of some of the “screeners” he was asked to look at before the show was amusing.

“The next movie I was asked to look at, THE ASS AND THE FURIOIUS, was pretty good. I started out interested, sorta interested, somewhat interested, very interested, very interested, very interested, VERY interested, VERY interested, then, not so interested.”

His hosting was serviceable, you know? I can’t say a bad thing about the guy’s ability to keep things at an even keel but there also wasn’t a whole lot of pizzazz, either. There wasn’t anything very exciting about safe and tame jokes. I was led to believe there was going to be serious comedy but as soon as Sarah Silverman graced the stage and gave a sharply contrasted presentation compared to last years’ one I just had to believe that this was going to be as good as it got for the in-flight entertainment. Her comment that when she stole the standee for TOP GUN back in the 80’s wasn’t because she was in love with Tom Cruise…it was because of it’s rounded edges. The thought alone was worth every penny getting there.

Of the winners, though, THE INCREDIBLES, no surprise, took home many awards for its marketing efforts and as well as it should. The commercials were good, the trailers were funnier than all get-out, and you could see a lot went into making that movie one of the best marketed movies of 2005.

One of the more vile winners of the night was winner of best theater standee: THE SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS MOVIE. What the hell was so awesome about a perfectly square, yellow piece of cardboard? I call bullshiat on that one and I demand that I get to vote next year on some of the better made pieces of cinematic bric-a-brac that so often has those little white slips of paper taped on the back of them as you pass them by on your way to your film, the words SAVE FOR calling dibs on something that looks so natural in a theater lobby but yet looks so heinous and freakish when it’s displayed in a home.

And would you believe there is actually a category called Best Home Entertainment Under :30? Yeah, it’s for TV spots that only run :30 or less. NAPOLEON DYNAMITE won in case any of you were keeping score.

Of all the highlights of the night, and there were two, I cannot express to you the oddity of seeing Voiceover Guy live and in-person. Actually it was a handful of guys and they control pretty much most all the voice talent in the industry. Many of them were brought out on stage to announce some of the award categories before announcing the winners and it was perhaps the oddest thing I’ve ever seen. It was truly like looking behind the green door as now I have faces to place against for what has been a very visage-less critique of these guys who rule the roost of these promotional pieces. It was at once reverential and fascinating to me see these men employ their throats in very specific ways. Utterly fascinating. Even the man of the hour who received a lifetime achievement award, a Mr. Don LaFontaine, is a rather interesting cat. 26 voiceover sessions in one day is Don’s personal best and someone told me that, at the rate he was getting paid, many thousands per session, that man rakes in more before noon than most any executive out there sees all year.

The other highlight was seeing the nominees for best action trailer. I know I brought this up months ago but it was DAWN OF THE DEAD that won. I couldn’t have been more thrilled as the lights went out after its win so as to show everyone else in the house what makes a scary ass trailer rock so hard. I wish I could be dramatic by saying how much in awe everyone was at the end of the trailer’s showing but it’s the truth. The silent pause right before the clapping started in, as the zombies break through the 4th wall in end when they start scratching at the “screen” was unreal. If people could’ve collectively said something at that point it would’ve been, “We’ve got nothin.’” That trailer is still one of my favorites and it’s an absolutely egregious oversight that the trailer was left off the DVD release. There’s no need for that kind of ignorance, people, and I can’t yet understand why it was kicked to the curb in favor of some real shoddy supplemental material.

With that, and the Best-In-Show honors going to the trailer for SIDEWAYS, “Huh?” I believe was my reaction, my escort for the night preemptively whisked me away quickly to get situated at the after-party as he said that the hundreds of other wolves who would be following us would gobble up the free food and booze that was offered in short order.

I loaded up on a margarita (oh how I wish I would’ve thought to double-fist it) and three plates of food. I was set like Santa with a few platefuls of cookies. This was also my first introduction into the world of sea bass, hey, it was free, and I can’t express the sorrow I felt about not having ever tried this once in my 29 years on this planet.

Now, at about here I could go into great detail about the after-party. However, since I met a great many people who work in the industry and talked to me about the more rakish and petty crap that goes into movie marketing, most of my night was spent “off-the-record.” It was a wonderful thing to be trusted so completely by people who barely knew me but to listen to the trials and tribulations of people who are really at the beck and call of executives who assume to know more than they do is to listen to the kinds of problems most of us all share on some level in our professional lives. These men who I got to talk to, and they were mostly all men, had stories that were at once unbelievable and hilarious as you listen to what happens when you not only have too many chefs trying to tell each other what to do but what happens when those chefs want to be able and take credit for your labors.

My gratitude goes out to those who did confer with me, letting me genuinely flatter those who I found out made some of the very trailers I’ve reviewed here in this column in the past year and a half, and made me feel a part of what really does seem like a very close knit, if only speaking in social terms, sub-sect of the Hollywood movie making machine.

And to my escort who should know that his talents have made a lot of fanboys happy. I could tell you all why and what that is but it’s so much better to just let you all enjoy the seemingly simplicity of it all without bringing reality into it. His talents continue to shine with every high profile job.

This Bud’s for you…

And, very special thanks to Lynda Miller from the Hollywood Reporter who helped me secure my first spot on the red carpet. I appreciate being able to benefit from my editors’ misfortune.

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BATMAN BEGINS (2005) Director: Christopher Nolan Cast: Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Liam Neeson, Katie Holmes, Gary Oldman, Cillian Murphy, Tom Wilkinson, Rutger Hauer, Ken Watanabe, Morgan Freeman Release: June 17, 2005 Synopsis: BATMAN BEGINS explores the origins of the Batman legend and the Dark Knight’s emergence as a force for good in Gotham. In the wake of his parents’ murder, disillusioned industrial heir Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale) travels the world seeking the means to fight injustice and turn fear against those who prey on the fearful. He returns to Gotham and unveils his alter-ego: Batman, a masked crusader who uses his strength, intellect and an array of high tech deceptions to fight the sinister forces that threaten the city.View Trailer: * Large (QuickTime)Prognosis: Positive. Now this is Batman done right. One of the best compliments I can bestow on a trailer like this is that it doesn’t use Voiceover Guy and it doesn’t rely on cards to set up exactly what we’re looking at.; things are just allowed to coalesce naturally. Also, the trailer utilizes Nolan’s script as Liam Neeson’s near whisper narration brings us to one point, that one intersection in Bruce Wayne’s life, where the costume became the joi de vie of his whole being. I like the bat dissolve of the WB logo in the beginning which almost seems ironic since it’s been a long goodnight in a cave since that company decided to do something smart with the franchise but you can now can see why. The direction of this movie appears to be handled with such delicate confidence that you half wonder why it has taken this long to get the Batman movie made which everyone said needed to be done. We see young Bruce falling down a well, finding that cave where those little bats dwelled and struck fear into his young boy’s heart, cutting to him standing over his dead parents, to the now ubiquitous Sherpa shot as he quests for knowledge of where his life is going. The sweeping views and vistas of this far-off place where Bruce trained to use his body and mind as a weapon is captured beautifully in the scenes chosen. Michael Caine breathes life into the new Alfred incarnation; he exudes the caring, confident, yet subordinate, role as his butler and there really does seem like there is a believable history between these two men. I find enjoyment of Bale rolling up, after his eventual decision to shower, shave and come back to Gotham, in a big pimp daddy mobile which shows us the true playboy that Bruce Wayne was. This was something that was overlooked or glazed over in previous episodes, I believe, and I like he has some arm candy to show that he is Master Bruce, King of All Poon. He is young, rich and I like that there’s some shallowness that’s being put on display. As an aside, this could be something or it could be nothing but if this is supposed to be Gotham then why is he driving a car with Illinois plates? Freeze it in QuickTime. I did and think it’s hilarious. That license plate is from Illinois. Holla, Chi-town! Now, it could be that Bruce just likes to take advantage of the tax benefits of plating his cars out-of-state but I just find it amusing. His subsequent bump into Katie Holmes is a nice touch and, again, something that wasn’t explored in any of the other trailers. Bruce is vulnerable and this is the moment that speaks volumes. When Val Kilmer and Nicole Kidman were paired up in the previous Batman incarnation I didn’t really believe the sparks that were artificially created between those two flint rocks. Here, though, you believe that these are two people who really do have a past with one another. Seeing how this is a summer tent pole after all and that Batman needs to get his Batgear- on before he gets his groove-on we need weaponry. Lots of it. Morgan Freeman comes to our rescue as the resident creative weapon expert. He’s doesn’t look as good as Michael Pollard in TANGO AND CASH but he’ll do as he shows Christian all the neat toys he’s going to have at his disposal. I am especially drooley at the sight of the new Batmobile. That thing is an outback nightmare that I am sure will have lots to do in the streets of Chicago, er, Gotham. The quick clips of it working live and in action make me believe that there was a reason behind its chunky design. Right after the car is shown, and this but a small thing, Christian is standing with his eyes closed in a very dark spot as hundreds of bats race by his face and person. I can only imagine the dry cleaning bills to get that bat shit off his clothes and shoes. Also, and I knew my nature channel watching would pay off in some nerdy way someday, what about all that crap that sits in that cave? I hope there’s a good ventilation system down there. One word, five syllables, Bruce: Histoplasmosis. You should be less worried about The Scarecrow and more worried about lung health, my man. Also, I am really keen on the taikos that play just underneath the action on the screen. It’s perfect. Batman suiting up, Christian testing out some bat-shaped throwing stars, Batman standing stoically on a rooftop with his cape flapping at his ankles, the sky a sepiatone that seems to be the color palate by which all the action will be pasted against, and even Cillian Murphy’s skeevy bad guy musings are a delight when he says “the Bat Man” gets me all sorts of geeky. The ending clips are way too good to even try and transcribe in a meaningful way but seeing the Scarecrow and Ra’s Al Ghul in full-on head-on shots with the hell that will be visited upon the people and goons of the Loop in Chicago, er, again, Gotham, is too much to be contained in this small trailer; fanboys couldn’t have asked for a better one.

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