Director: Oliver Hirschbiegel
Cast: Bruno Ganz, Juliane Koehler, Corinna Harfouch, Ulrich Noethen, Alexandra Maria Lara
Release: February 18th, 2005 (limited)
Synopsis: It’s the last days of Adolf Hitler, April 1945, and Hitler’s personal secretary Traudl Junge finds herself in the Der Fuhrer’s bunker. Facing inevitable defeat, Hilter’s moods range from defiance to fight or flee, remain loyal or opt for self-preservation. Eva Braun parties while Magda Goebbels kills her children.

Prognosis: Positive. When someone from the Hollywood Reporter says it’s one of the best war movies ever made I find it simply interesting to investigate that remark and see if there’s some validity hidden between the lines.

One thing I notice right away is that this is an Adolf Hitler centered film that was done in Germany. I realize the kind of sensitivity, shall we say, the German people have about the man so it shows a lot of gumption that they’ve made this kind of flick. Even because principal photography was done in both Germany and Russia it speaks well of the reality of the project and I think it really gives the movie a certain weight it would otherwise not of had.

The date that’s thrown up on the screen before you see any footage is April 20, 1945. I wasn’t a history major, in fact I sucked at it, but for those like me who don’t know which way is up the date is explained that it is 12 days before Berlin falls. What I also appreciate about the date is that it gives me context. Many times with period pieces we don’t really have a handle on what time it’s supposed to be and I really do like that I have something concrete that sets the date, place and time for me; I’m a simpleton I guess.

The streets of Berlin are shown in chaos. People are running for their lives along a burnt out city that looks almost apocryphal.

There is only the hint of a musical score as a card comes up and says that Hitler spent his final days hidden in an underground bunker. We get a look at Der Fuhrer, in all his pasty haired ingloriousness, as someone mentions off screen how he’s starting to lose his mind. The bunker shots are nice as they put context to how these last days were; there’s carpeting; a mini bar to mix some drinks; nice paintings on the wall; and enough Nazi’s present to make even a blue eyed Aryan racist claustrophobic.

More Nazis walk the city streets, carrying away leather chairs and priceless works of art, and it’s all very surreal to see these two discordant images.

Hitler goes on a tirade after he’s told the American’s are on their way. The tension that’s building is genuinely effective.

At this point we get the war scenes. Bombs start falling, guns start popping, and the sights, along with the sounds, of planes dropping their arsenals within the city limits are sense-grabbing.

Hitler says that the 3 million civilian people inside Berlin proper will pay with their blood as the world closes in on his regime. Not satisfied with just saying that, the trailer gloriously shows the chaos that ensues when people come between armies. People try to run away, only to catch the after-effects of a bomb, some Nazis are having a fun time dancing only to have their dancehall turned into smoky rubble after a bomb goes off and, again, Hitler is shown going insane with anger.

This trailer is for a foreign language movie, yes, but I can’t think of a trailer in recent memory that so superbly not made me aware of it.

Director: Russell Mulcahy
Cast: Geoffrey Rush, Judy Davis, Jesse Spencer
Release: February 4th, 2005(Limited)
Synopsis: The inspirational life story of Australian swimmer, Tony Fingleton.

Prognosis: Negative. This one is for all the artsy people in the house.

As soon as it starts, with a languid musical score in the back, the slo-mo of a time long since past between a pair of brothers jumping into a swimming pool, you can just feel the drippings of a saccharine melodrama. It’s like the smell of strong fromage, really. You don’t even need to see it to know when it’s sitting right in front of you.

“When I was a kid I was always a little afraid of my father.”

Ooo boy, that statement already tells me where the first 45 minutes of this film is going to take me. Yeah, to paraphrase gently from Denis Leary, every one of our fathers was a little intimidating but how does this guy’s experience supposed to be different? I’m not so sure it is, the “so what” factor ringing loudly in my ears with no reply, and Geoffrey Rush’s prototypical spit and nails embodiment of an uncaring father isn’t doing much to make me think otherwise.

In a span of fifteen seconds we get this father character saying all those things that Mark Metcalf did to that hard rocking son of his at the beginning of the “We’re Not Gonna Take It” video. ‘Course, Mark did a better job of really playing it up with his red face and frothy spittle drizzling from his wide mouth whereas here it feels Saturday Morning Special worthy.

So, this father likes to yell at the son who he thinks is the less talented one of the two he has until he finds out the kid can swim really well. He then ditches his sarcasm and verbal abuse and channels it into being this kid’s coach. At one point the son mentions how he needs to stop swimming at the natatorium because he has a piano lesson. Oh boy, the response of, “not anymore you don’t,” makes me crawl inside my own mind and scream a little unoriginal scream.

And things just don’t seem like they’re going to buck the image of the father being the cruel taskmaster, either. The dad gets belligerent, violent, puts down his son again for not working out enough, and the snowball just keeps getting bigger. The guy turns out to be an alcoholic, big surprise, but we are finally given some reprieve by Judy Davis who gives the appearance of a mother who wants her son to succeed. What little it does, it does well enough, and almost sells me on actually going to see the film. Not all the way, but almost.

The rest of the trailer is a lot of bombast, yelling, screaming, crap flying against walls in the most dramatic fashion, and the uplifting hope that this film will be an inspiration to anyone who sees it. I won’t be one of those to feel this film’s curative effects, but that’s not to denigrate the power of adversarial-relationships-that-are-based-on-true-events kind of films that some people gravitate toward. The guy will either win or be the big hero or he’ll lose and find he never needed to win in order for him to feel like a champion. (Enter weeping and hugging here and slowly dissolve…)

Director: Dan Ollman, Sarah Price, Chris Smith
Cast: Phil Bayly, Dr. Andreas Bichlbauer, Andy Bichlbaum, Mike Bonanno
Release: On DVD Now
Synopsis: A comedic documentary which follows The Yes Men, a small group of prankster activists, as they gain world-wide notoriety for impersonating the World Trade Organization on television and at business conferences around the world. The film begins when two members of The Yes Men, Andy and Mike, set up a website that mimics the World Trade Organization’s–and it’s mistaken for the real thing. They play along with the ruse and soon find themselves invited to important functions as WTO representatives. Delighted to represent the organization they politically oppose, Andy and Mike don thrift-store suits and set out to shock unwitting audiences with darkly comic satire that highlights the worst aspects of global free trade.

Prognosis: Negative. I actually saw this trailer last year but I never thought to give it a whirl because, frankly, I wasn’t quite sure what was going on. It was hard for me to try and describe, if not only to myself, exactly what the hell was happening and why I would want to see it but now I understand.

A fairly plain voiceover introduces us to the Yes Men, “the new generation of activists.” The jaunty way in which the guy says it, I think, gives this documentary a kind of silliness that I don’t think should really be conveyed when you see what exactly these dudes do. I have no doubt that there is humor in this here activism but, to me, this trailer doesn’t need the same guy who did the voiceover for THE PACIFIER or ICE AGE, get me?

These guys look very presentable as business guys in suits. There is an element of subversion here and you can already see how they’re working their angle. This was what was missing from the first trailer.

A card lets us know this documentary was an official selection into Sundance, Berlin and Toronto, and that another thing from its previous trailer incarnation that was missing. Here, it gives the film a little more credibility and it makes, I think, one pay attention a little more closely to what this film is slowly trying to say it is about.

These guys fight corporate greed by infiltrating the organizations global power brokers hang out in, they get into places no one would ever get access to by doctoring up business cards and ID’s. What they are doing, they say, is fighting back against those who they feel are destroying humanity with their greed and they are going about this by stealing powerful people’s identity in the hopes of, “making them honest.”

Now, I like the premise but I am already confused as to how they’re doing this. They’re shown printing up these fake business cards, so how are they planning on making their “marks” more honest? They impersonate these very high level people in the world economy market and are looking to fix things from the inside out. Helsinki, London, Australia, these guys fly all over the world to do their thing in front of the most influential talking heads of the global economy. Still, though, there is the lack of an explanation, for people like me, who need to know what it is, essentially, they are doing. Are they like the guys at the end of SNEAKERS who give out money in the names of organizations who wouldn’t normally do it? Are they putting in orders for extra food to go to poor 3rd world countries? Are they boosting these guys’ bank accounts?

I haven’t a clue.

I do know, however, that Michael Moore makes an appearance in this documentary so that has to count for something, right? Alright, that’s not much but still you can see what left-leaning political jive this movie will be dealing with as you watch these guys talk.

In the end I felt that I wanted to like this film more than anything, but all I saw were guys who impersonate other people and do wacky things. I guess the music at the beginning was appropriate for what I was shown, which wasn’t much. I’m sure there’s an explanation inside the film but there needed to be more of that to get me interested.

Director: Nigel Cole
Cast: Ashton Kutcher, Amanda Peet, Herschel Bleefeld, Kathryn Hahn, Moon Bloodgood
Release: April 22nd, 2005
Synopsis: It takes some people years to fall in love at first sight. A LOT LIKE LOVE is a romantic comedy about destiny, connection and the frequently fuzzy line between chance friendships and happily ever after. A LOT LIKE LOVE traces the relationship of Oliver (Ashton Kutcher) and Emily (Amanda Peet) who met on a flight from Los Angeles to New York seven years ago – each of them declaring that they couldn’t be more wrong for each other.

Prognosis: Negative in ways I can only hope to describe. I include this only to show how Ashton Kutcher can make me so excited when he does his thing in a movie like THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT but when he makes formulaic rom com crap like this it just makes me question the intent. I mean I realize the easy money he gets for it must quell any cries inside to do something with integrity but, damn, I guess credibility isn’t too much of an issue for the man who was allegedly hittin’ some MILF tail.

The opening shot of this little trailer (which is put together in the most serviceable way possible considering the material) is our man Kutcher and our woman Peet meeting in an airport. The black hair that Peet has and the shaggy mop top that Ashton displays are only to show you how far they’ve come later on when it’s the present time; I realize some ladies read this column and might be alarmed at seeing our heartthrob dollied up like he was trying out to be the new front man for Alice In Chains but I guarantee he cleans up when it goes to the present day.

As they play cutsie with one another on their first verbal encounter on a subway ride (I’m not sure how it moved from the airport to the underground, either, but who cares) a woman who sits between them asks if they’d like to sit next to each other. Now, I know no one else cares about this but me, however, having a photographic memory and a penchant for all things useless, I know that the woman sitting in-between Ashton and Amanda is the same woman from the subway scene in COMING TO AMERICA. I mean just look at it and tell me I’m wrong. I was so pleased with myself that I caught that I was fine with missing where we are with the plot of this movie.

When I do come back into it Ashton is talking about having a job, a house and a car but we get images of his life in the future (all straight and businesslike, no less) while he’s talking in the past. Huh? Yeah, I’m confused too but before I can think about the logistical implications of his Yoda-speak Amanda Peet is playing gross-out with Ashton in the car by playing “see food.” Now, some guys are attracted that sort of thing. I’m not. I’m just not of the variety that thinks good-looking chicks acting like dudes (read here: Jenny McCarthy when she picks her nose, farts or tries really hard to put on the affectations of a dude and get obnoxious) is a good thing. Obviously, Amanda wants to be queen of that ball so, to those guys who dig it, enjoy it in all its splendor.

From here we have a moment where Ashton is completely naked, standing on a rock, at night, underneath a moon, getting his picture taken. The two of them do it in the backseat of a station wagon but are awoken up in the morning by a park ranger to tell them they’re in a national park. Oh, the hilarity that is going to ensue!

Now, we come to a point where Ashton is successful and has some money. He lets his girlfriend/wife/play thing, whatever Amanda is supposed to be, know he is moving to San Francisco. Most ladies, if they’re right in the head, see this as a good thing. If you’re successful enough to be able and live in Frisco you’re doing well. It boggles the mind that Amanda just lets him go off without her but I’m sure this will all be resolved with bows by the end.

The kudos I will give the trailer exposition is that when Ashton does go back to get his lady she ends up being engaged to someone else. Oh, you mean to tell me they’re not going to be together? Oh, the humanity. When this plot point is dropped you get Avril Lavigne’s song where Amanda, again, goes for the ugly/cute chick thing by having a couple of straws shooting out of her nose and laughing like a crazed hyena. Seriously, isn’t there a number I can call to have to her put down?

Added to this equation a little impromptu daytime serenade that Ashton does to Amanda, singing a ditty by Bon Jovi, the eventual embrace between our two clichéd star-crossed lovers, a wedding that neither wants to go through, and another pratfall by Peet that makes me want to scream in ways that tell me this: I already know they’ll end up together in the end.

That said, however, there are ladies all over the land who will want to see this and because you now know how it will start, how it gets troublesome and resolves itself, it’ll be like seeing things for a second time. My condolences.

Director: Prachya Pinkaew
Cast: Panom Yeerum, Petchtai Wongkamlao, Xing Jing, Nathan Jones, Johnny Nguyen
Release: Sometime in 2005
Synopsis: A young fighter named Kham must go to Australia to retrieve his stolen elephant. With the help of a Thai-born Australian detective, Kham must take on all comers, including a gang led by an evil woman and her two deadly bodyguards.

Prognosis: Positive. Jeez, if the video was any more grainy I would have just assumed to just wait on it until a better version comes along but hot damn if I wasn’t all stoked to see this after seeing the trailer. As a fan of all things hyphenated ending in –Fu I see the next inclusion into the filmic pantheon of Jony Jaa as a good thing to hype.

“This is the first glimpse of a whole new version of on-screen action!”

Ha, the Asians and their acute sense of hyperbole. They’ve already given us “the glimpse” of this new on-screen action with ONG BAK but, alright, I’ll go along with the statement.

This thing starts out with a wise old man talking over some ancient pictures that he has unfolded in front of Tony. The man speaks of royal elephants and how those who would protect the animals themselves were great warriors in their own right. They were crazy in battle, he says, essentially, doing whatever it took to fight even if they were physically disarmed of their weapons. They would stomp on their opponents, he continues. It’s all very mystical and it feels that way, too. I don’t get the sense this is hokey in a KICKBOXER 3 sort of way, either. I really do feel inspired for whatever is about to come next.

An elephant’s trunk moves its way forward on the screen as a man prays in front of the large pachyderm.

Some more written superlatives make their way on a card and it’s about this time when Tony Jaa starts to do his thing and explodes on the screen.

He jump kicks, no less than 10 feet in the air, getting ridiculous hang time, as he knocks down a handful of dudes with one leg. Fists are flying against guys in suits (nicely dressed guys are always the bad ones), he crouches down to sweep legs, men are being tossed around like windmills, and the Eurotrash techno beat behind it all is pitch perfect for the cheesiness that pops and crackles with every cut scene.

Tony flees something in a very fast moving boat that is really fuel injected, followed by five or so similarly equipped men who are shooting to kill (and wearing suits). And then it breaks away to show Tony, and here’s a nice move, taking a small jump up, planting on a guy’s chest and uses his other to kick a guy in the face. Sweet.

Some hot chicks are put into the mix but you already know they will be wholly irrelevant to the plot. Another guy gets a kick in the chest that sends him into a glass door and, for a nice send off, Tony leaps in the air as a baddie is going backward and, as the two of them are falling from a considerable height, kicks him too.

Man, how I have missed these kinds of movies.

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