Director: Hirokazu Koreeda
Cast: Yûya Yagira, Ayu Kitaura, Hiei Kimura, Momoko Shimizu, Hanae Kan
Release: February 4, 2005 (New York)
Synopsis: Four children are forced to rely on one another after they are abandoned by their mother.

Prognosis: Positive. This trailer can be compared to that moment in FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF when the dad is coming home at the end of the day and that one old bag that’s driving in front of him keeps getting in his way. The Voiceover Guy in this trailer is that old lady.

He’s like an annoying gnat that won’t go away or shut the hell up. I actually had a conversation about this very same situation with the guy who makes these mini-movies, and he defended the man’s place in the scheme of it all, but, as a tool, it can be effective or it can be like a monkey who’s just been given a sauce pan and a wooden spoon; overkill.

It’s equally annoying that this trailer suffers a bit from a piss poor job of organization and placement of its most important facts: 1. The kid who stars in this film won best actor at Cannes last year; obviously, that’s an important fact, right? 2. This film is based on a true story. This story is so crazy when it begins that you can’t believe the mind that thought it up and you’re well on your way to finishing this damn trailer before you find out, “Oh, so it’s not just a very unbelievable premise, it actually happened?” It’s one thing to miss some things here or there but omissions like this are just glaringly ignorant.

This trailer just has me all riled up.

Everything else about the opening, though, is deliciously noteworthy. I am a big fan of a good xylophone medley and this one doesn’t disappoint. Also, dropping the fact that it did well in Cannes and Toronto, if nothing else, was a good saving move as well.

So, the opening is that Voiceover Guy gets into the fact that what we have here is a family run by a mother who seems be her kids’ friends than she is their parent. That’s fine, That’s good verbal exposition. And so far it’s all peaches and cream, thank you for letting me know that, Guy.

Now, here’s where it throws me a bit. Guy goes on to explain that one of her kids, her son, becomes an adult, “overnight.” Since this a foreign language film and you can’t possibly have anyone read anything in a trailer like this, God forbid you put up some subtitles in a trailer, you have to infer that something major has happened because there is a shot of an airplane and the oldest son has a fistful of cash. Then, as if to confuse me greatly, Guy lets us know that three of his other siblings are abandoned in Tokyo.

Huh? What happened to his mother? She get popped by the Yakuza, stuffed in a dumpster, smoke some bad Jamaican Red? Who the hell knows. Guy just plods on through the narrative as if nothing is really wrong with that admission, ignoring that steaming pile in the family room, trudging forth with the home tour.

So, these kids are all alone in Tokyo, literally living out of a suitcase, and Guy informs us that they survive by themselves in the street with their humor, love, determination, etc… Now, had I not told you this was based on a true story there would be reality bells going off in your head saying what kind of messed up story is this? It’s like Annie but without the Tim Curry and dance numbers. By the time that the “based on” admission happens, Guy then drops the fact that the kid in this was voted best actor at Cannes which is something that should’ve been mentioned way before this point. He keeps droning on and on about how all the kids stick together and how awesome it is that they love each other and how cool it is that they aren’t incestuous… I really just wanted Guy to shut up so I could watch why this kid was voted best actor in the first place.

The music is wonderful, the shots selected are really grabbing and you definitely get the sense that there is something there that sets this film apart from the others in the realm of foreign language offerings. The thing is, though, when you get to the part of the trailer when it seems that Guy is literally reading the whole review that the New York Times and the L.A. Times did on this movie you can’t help but to feel audibly invaded by that man’s voice.

This whole trailer is like charades but here you have someone yelling over your shoulder.

Director: Greg McLean
Cast: John Jarratt, Cassandra Magrath, Andy McPhee, Kestie Morassi, Guy Petersen
Release: January 2005 (Sundance)
Synopsis: Three backpackers go exploring the outback in an old clunker of a minivan. They are adventurous, carefree, and up for just about any adventure. But when their ride breaks down, help comes in the form of a gun-toting maniac, who hates backpackers with a vengeance.

Prognosis: Positive. You’ve gotta like a film that stars “Based on actual events.”

The screen is gritty and has a real sort of damaged film look to it. Not even five seconds into this trailer and I’m already an eager beaver.

We get a shot of a gorgeous beach at the foot of a real wooded mountain. It looks like a great day, the surf is slightly glassy, and there are nubile, young people scattered everywhere. Some chicks are looking at photos, are chatting with each other, as day turns to night. Shots are slammed and there isn’t one voiceover, line of dialogue or card to explain what’s going on but then the first card appears.

“30,000 Australians are reported missing every year.”

Huh? WTF, Aussies? That’s a real small island to misplace that many people on an annual basis.

We get a great looking view of an approaching car through a bullet hole in a road sign. These are young adults in their prime and they look good enough to be in one of those jeans commercials where everyone is way too happy but still nothing audible can be heard.

“Most are found within a month.”

Whew. I’m glad that you can eventually find each other. Again, it’s a small island.

These people stop at Wolf Creek Crater and it’s a rather expansive crater at that. They put on their rucksacks and start travailing on foot to the lip of the thing. The haunting score in the background is telling me everything I need to know about these fools’ fate. It’s daytime when all this happens but, as all things go, it does eventually get dark.

It then turns to night for these kids. They are holed up in their car (problems with the engine, imagine that) and a pair of headlights appears. They all get out, stupid movie move #1, and wait for this one guy to come walking towards them. There isn’t any lunging, no knifes unsheathed, and there isn’t so much as a scream from anyone but it is suspenseful. What’s odd, as well, is that the next shot is at daybreak as one of the girls runs down an empty highway. Is she running from someone? Something?

A fishtailing car appears from the background, appearing to go right at her. She has blood on her face, and there is a guy who holds up a rifle with a scope that I am sure, if it is to be believed, is aimed right at her melon.

It almost has a THE HILLS HAVE EYES sort of feel to it and I like that.

We eventually see more of our stranded young adults, also properly bloodied, with one of them being one hot looking lady, almost like Keira Knightley, who I hope doesn’t get popped by this hillbilly looking guy. It looks like campy fun plus you get to listen to good looking ladies talking Australian if nothing else.

Director: Saul Dibb
Cast: Leon Black, Louise Delamere, Luke Fraser, Claire Perkins
Release: April 25, 2005 (UK Only)
Synopsis: Ricky (Walters), age 20, is just out of prison and determined to straighten up. But back home his old pal Wisdom (Black) is still in the community’s violent subculture, sparking an escalating feud with another thug (Lawson) over a broken wing mirror. Meanwhile, Ricky is trying to revive his relationship with his girlfriend (Samuels), convince his mother (Perkins) that he’s putting violence behind him, and help his 12-year-old brother Curtis (Fraser) stay straight. But it’s all much easier said than done.

Prognosis: Positive. “There are thousands of guns on the streets…this is the story of one”

You’ve gotta like a trailer that begins with a police home invasion. There’s chaos, multiple P.O.V’s and by the end you know something is going down.

The people on the screen are talking really funny accents (those crazy EU’ers), but the premise is an interesting one. Our protagonist, a wee lad, gets out of jail for committing some crime and is picked up by his mother. He returns home, jaded by his experience, and you can already see that this is a film about a young guy who has a lot of anger to work through. It’s kind of like an old school Kurtis Blow anthem come to cinematic life. He’s hardboiled but there are slivers of hope in his words.

The melodic music chosen stands in stark contrast to our guy’s troubling life out of the poke. His younger brother reminds him that it’s difficult to get a job when one has a criminal record. There’s friction to be found everywhere and the cards in-between the scenes selected drop quotes from major publications about how groovy this film is with critics. This is good because it not only sets this movie up to be one where one man struggles with his past, a not too original concept, but the critics’ words help to elevate it.

There is also contrast going on with images of kids with guns, gang violence and the really quiet moments that this guy has with a woman who doesn’t care about his past and looks forward to her future with him. He mentions some things about being dragged back into his former lifestyle and it’s believable. I find myself being drawn in by how quick I can feel sympathy for a dude I’ve known all of a minute.

The clips after this one show a guy who is trying to rage against the people around him who he knows are no good but still trying to be the man he used to be. Again, more images of violence against people, again with the same kid holding a Dirty Harry pistol, and we are left, wonderfully, to wonder what will happen to not only this guy but to those around him.

The film doesn’t look flashy or sexy or appear to have great production values beyond just good directing but it does look like a movie that could engross an individual for a good couple hours and have some pointed things to say.

Director: Christopher Long
Cast: Colton Ford, Blake Harper
Release:February 18, 2005 (Limited)
Synopsis: Former Colt model and porn star Colton Ford left the skin flick business at 40 to return to a musical career along with his partner Blake Harper. This is is their story.

Prognosis: Positive. This film is gay.

This film has a lot of gay people in it, just so you know.

That being said, I just couldn’t stop watching this trailer. Sometimes I come across a trailer that doesn’t automatically make me want to skip to something else; it makes me want to stay a while. It’s like television, really: I have the attention span of a coked up whore looking for a pack of Skittles in an Atkins-friendly health food store. If it’s not entertaining me then it’s off to something else but I was just riveted with every moment that slowly sped by with NAKED FAME.

One of the more ironic, although I wouldn’t be surprised if it wasn’t, things that start this trailer out is the production company name that comes up before the clips: Hardsell Productions. Yes, it is, actually. This will probably never see a wide distribution on the scale of a SIDEWAYS but hopefully I can explain why it deserves a decent outing in a few, um, selected cities.

“I don’t know what it is that’s in my son’s heart about being a superstar…”

Anytime you get someone’s mom to lead off a documentary you’re just going for that emotional buy-in and it’s what hooked me, initially. This man we’re going to be seeing a lot of, Colton Ford, smiles in a black and white photo. The picture itself is old and is no doubt in direct inverse proportion to the modern incarnation of this woman’s son. Also, and I think this is telling, throughout the trailer we get snippets from publications extolling the reasons why you need to see this film but the quotes provided don’t have anything near a cache of a New York Times or L.A. Weekly. That’s fine, though, as this really is a genre specific film but the mention from Billboard is a nice name drop.

We then hear from our man, Colton, off-camera, about his thoughts on working for corporate America. He echoes the same sentiments that I think any of us who are cube dwellers share with him. We are treated to nice shots of New York streets as he talks and we get the feeling that here’s a man who had to either take his lumps to get what he wanted working 9 to 5 or he was going to go after his dream of being a performer. It is interesting to note, as well, the card that briefly shows how many gay and lesbian film festivals it has been in; it’s a selling point and because it was included early it actually does help this film when other films that stick these points at the end usually make me wonder what their marketing department was thinking.

We then get the gayness in all its glory.

A nice club beat starts pumping, our man Colton is doing his groove thang inside of clubs, singing, we get him working out, and then we finally have him sitting, talking about what it’s like being 39 and trying to get somewhere with a musical career. I immediately feel for the guy, as there are shots of him in the studio, more of him performing, because there is a need in this guy’s voice that is far more sublime than that of your average American Idol flunky.

Then, things take a more serious tone as there are overt hints that our man is so headstrong about becoming famous that he may have stepped over to one of the avenues few people are willing to go in order to be famous, or infamous: porn. It’s only hinted at but seeing Bruce Vilanch talking about it, notwithstanding that I can’t even begin to describe my feelings on that caricature of a man and the way he talks, hint at it as well makes me think this is where the downward spiral happens.

Sho ‘nuff, it is.

Crystal meth is discussed as with the porn thing again and here is where the tail spinning starts. He seems to be holding onto something but we’re treated to a much different person than who we were shown at the beginning.

The music changes, it’s a nice melodic choice, and we are to understand that somehow everything is going to go well for the man. It’s hard to stay what makes me want to see how his story goes from beginning to end but I do and anything that pulls me into someone else’s life and to hear about their own set of problems gets my vote.

Director: Kirk Jones
Cast: Emma Thompson, Colin Firth, Angela Lansbury, Kelly Macdonald
Release: August 2, 2005 (UK)
Synopsis:Emma Thompson stars as a governess who uses magic to reign in the behavior of seven ne’er-do-well children in her charge. The kids will love this.

Prognosis: Positive. Colin Firth is a talent. The guy can definitely act and his published writing is also a delight as well; the man’s humor is wicked and his prose style makes you wish more people could be as genuinely versatile.

Emma Thompson is someone who first took prominence in my own cinematic world when she starred in MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING, she was such a pip, but she is one of the most versatile British actresses out there today and I have no problem handling out that superlative.

This teaser, no doubt to get interest stirred, is all about getting people acquainted with these two people but it doesn’t tell me anything about what exactly the premise of the film is supposed to be. This isn’t to say that some people across the pond, meaning you over there in London or Shaftsbury or Liverpool or wherever the hell the rest of you limeys dwell (yeah, that’s a joke), won’t say this film is based on one of the best children’s authors of all time, but that’s ok. I like the teaser regardless.

The information I need in order to know what’s going on in this trailer, though, is all secondhand but I understand everything.

“When children are wicked…”

The sounds of children’s giggles mesh with the sounds of thunder. We get a shot of a very lonely looking home from the outside. It’s foreboding and dreary.

“Devious…and quite frankly unacceptable…”

Our next shot is one from inside the Victorian manse. It feels like a really Seussian envisioning of a home that would hold seven children but it does give us a chance to see Firth and Kelly Macdonald looking awfully afraid of the perfectly profiled silhouette of a woman standing on their porch, ringing the bell in an ominous way.

Colin looks cautious as he slowly walks to the door, thunder clapping, music all tense and scary, opening it with a loud creak. It is here that the most hideous looking woman I’ve ever seen come out of make-up pops up to my eyes. Okay, so it’s not that bad but Emma is a nice looking woman and they’ve really made her look dumpy, frumpy and real awful. It’s splendid.

Because Emma had a hand in actually writing the script I think there’s a little bit more hope on my part that this will be a more intelligent envisioning of a children’s classic than its American counterparts, which seems to me more predicated on marketing than it is on story. I could be wrong about this, but I hope not. Kids need a genuinely well-made book made into a fine film in much the same way I think comic book nerds like to see their own fictional heroes treated with the same amount of care and respect.

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